My happiness is three inches deep.

[ailerua]

Now that I'm no longer using ED to handle my emotions, I feel like I have no way of dealing with things. I fight to stay positive, but it seems that I am still so fragile. One little thing will push me from being happy to being anxious, sad, and angry. Though I have fleeting moments of happiness, they always feel like they are three inches deep. And, beneath those three inches are depths and depths of unhappiness. I read a lot of books about staying positive, but my negativity seems untameable. I worry that there is some moral failing that causes this. If I were less selfish, would I have less trouble with my emotions? If I worked harder and longer, would I have less time to feel sad? Maybe if I were smarter or more socially adept. Maybe.... I can come up with a million reasons why this is all my fault.

Not sure what the point of this post is. I guess I'm just throwing out this sentiment, hoping that someone else can illumine my thinking.

[chrysalisbloom]

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I can say that I feel this way too. It hurts. But you are not alone in it - I thought I'd let you know that because of my own relief that someone else was feeling this way too.

[Silvermirror]

Well, your not alone. Im working on my emotions as well and as a child I wasn't alowed to show or feel emotions infront of family or others. Hence the eating disorders, SI etc started when I was in high school. Im at the point where Im tired. And boy do I understand the feeling something one minute and then the next second you find yourself totally opposite. And there doesn't have to be anything that causes it.
You are not to blame for how your feeling. Its not your fault how your proccessing things right now or in the past. We all have different ways of dealing and learning how to deal with our emotions.
Just remember its not your fault. Your aware now as I am and your working, and being gentle with yourself as you are learning to use new coping skills.

Are you and how often do you see your therapist, treatment team.
I also have very low self confidence, self esteem, etc. To not use negative skills is so hard, so challenging. But I see my t twice a week to monitor my emotions and negative behaviors becoming hopefully in the future positive nurturing ones.

How are you doing? :ear
Dont beat yourself up. Recovery doesn't happen over night. One step at a time.
Ive been in treatment five years and IP twice to get to where I am. Were all different, so be gentle with yourself. Im here if you need to talk.

Leslie

[ailerua]

Hi guys. Thanks for the support.

Chrysalisbloom: I'm glad to know that I am not the only one with these feelings. Even if neither of us has words of wisdom, I'm glad we are not alone with the feelings.

Silvermirror: I'm sorry you are tired, but I think I know how you feel. It is just really exhausting to fight all these feelings all the time, isn't it? I think that in the early stages of recovery, when I had more support and more motivation, I did a little better emotionally. Right now, since I'm not seeing a therapist, I have less of a safety net. When I fall apart, I really fall apart, and sometimes I'll spend a whole day just crying. Thanks for encouraging me to take things one step at a time.