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[daisychainriot]

Hey everyone,


It's been a good while since I posted hear, but I am struggling really hard again lately.
My body image issues and food anxieties have led to be restricting really heavily lately, because my body is probably in starvation mode, this has not led to a lot of weight loss for me, frustrating me more ( i realize that this is disordered thinking).
This behavior led, inevitably, to a binge. But I am keeping the food down, I am not purging. one binge cannot make me gainseveral pounds overnight, while one purge could potentially, possibly land me in the ER i just need to realize i'm doing the right thing, but i feel so sick and nauseos and deppressed and angry at myself i almost don't know what to do. i tried talkinga bout it with my dad but he gave me this "thats nice honey" vibe and was super casual about it, which just makes me feel stupid. i feel painfully and intensely alone and deppressed right now. i am proud of myself for not purging butall the underlying feeling of deppression are surfacing really intensely right now. i cant think of a happy thought. any ideas of how to best proceed?

[daisychainriot]

update: i kept the food down, didn't purge.

[queen]

Congrats for not purging! Sorry your dad didn't show more excitement. Fathers can be like that sometimes; not because they don't care, but probably because they don't know what to say due to the fact they can't relate. Why do you feel depressed? Is it because your not able to lose weight, or because you binged. Don't let your ED make you feel like this. Instead, you should take charge and work to win the battle. Are you currently seeking help through a T or Dr? I hope that you start feeling better and j/ know that we're here to support you.

[daisychainriot]

Thanks,


I am actually not currently seeing a T or DR, I have an appointment set up, but it's **** weeks from now.
I am not sure that I can wait that long, psychologically things are getting pretty bad and weird again. I am not sure if this is caused by the e.d. or if the e.d. is a result, but I have been having a lot of trouble finding meaning or purpose in things, or getting excited about anything. I've been really down on myself, on my body and the rest of me alike, and my anxiety levels and compulsive sking picking are ridiculous.

I am, I guess, depressed on the surface because I can't lose weight, but I know that that's not the real reason.
It's a self hatred and shame and fear that goes much deeper than just my body. I just can't find pleasure or meaning in things, I can't feel worthiness or belonging. Binging also makes me feel a total loss of control, which is awful for me, since the restriction and purging ( both things I relied on to a degree) were both about maintaining control at all costs.

[sheeselectric]

You've just described everything I am feeling right now to the letter. You are incredibly brave to be so open about it :). I have been binging for the last couple of days and not purging because it is starting to hurt afterwards, which can't be a good thing. This of course means I am feeling pretty darn low about myself and am finding it very hard to cope, not least because I found out my mum put our house on the market today completely out of the blue.

Remember not to keep your feelings bottled up because it is actually counter productive lol. If you me and all the other fishies here stick together and support eachother through our ups and downs, we can beat this! :D