Welcome to the Self-Esteem Forum

[SFishy]

The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.

Because everyone with an ED, whether currently suffering or in recovery, has many issues related to self-esteem and insecurities, we've started this forum just for that type of discussion! ALL FISHYS are welcome, no matter which ED you suffer from or are in recovery for.

This forum is for talking about, exploring and working on feeling better about YOU -- why you don't like yourself, why you feel others don't like you, your fears related to being accepted by peers, how relationships in your life have effected your sense of self, why you can't trust others or yourself, things that keep you or contributed to your low self-esteem (etc. etc), and working to improve liking the wonderful person you really are!

You don't have to be in recovery to post here... but of course, we hope that by exploring these issues you will slowly move that much closer to it! That should be the goal!

Those in recovery or recovered are always welcome to share ideas on how they improved their self-esteem!

The only specific rule in this forum is we will NOT ALLOW posts that say things such as "I don't like myself because I'm too fat/too thin/too whatever-related-to-weight"... EXPLORE yourself -- go inside and be willing to find out what's really bothering you! The reasons for low self-esteem are NEVER because of your body shape or size itself!

Enjoy the new forum :winky
Take care of YOU

[fish out of water]

:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff


I want to thank you for this self esteem forum . eventhough i havent posted here but ive been reading all the posts on this forum alot of the posts have helped me to feel good about myself. and i have decided that im going to start posting on this forum because i really need to work on my self esteem issues since i have very low self esteem. i love the work that you do here to keep this place safe for all of us fishies. thanks again for this wonderful site. and the fishbowl. you and Tony are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Twilastar]

:hugonMevf&:sfishy:hugoff

:bounce:bounce:bounce

:bibri,
Genny

[starbrightstarlight]

:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff

Did i ever tell you that i think your super :cool and that you are the best :winky. Everything you do for these boards is so awsome. All the hard work and dedication that you and :mrfishy put into these boards is so much appreicated. I cant thank you enough! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!

[struggler]

Thank you so much!!!! I don't have many friends or support And I have met So many wonderful :bandwagon fish friend here it really helps alot!! especially to know U are not alone And I like to listen and help other fishies Thanks

[rdlgd]

I FEEL abandoned, meloncholy, alienated, and I am slowly discovering my other feelings. I have recently learned to accept that my self esteem is very poor and food came to replace those feelings, so I am working on it one day at a time. Thanks for reading. I am new here. rdlgd

[lisawoos]

Thankyou Amy!!!

I am just going to explore lol

:hugon :love :sfishy :love :hugoff

[Chriszgirl]

I'm new and this just inspired me:idea :starsI want to let you know i'm so new,but plan on coming here to give/get support......:stars i just want to say i have admitted i have an ed......but am in the anger stage!:mad
But, i plan on getting to the point of recovering...........thanks to this.....:bowl.....i have somewhere to come for support!:spinny


:butterflyAttitude IS A little thing that makes a BIG difference:butterfly

:notesI'm a survivor...i will not give up......i will not stop........i'm gonna work harder......:notes(DESTINY's CHILD)

:flower :hugonCris:hugoff :flower

:giftTo have a friend is to be a friend:gift


:love Do not walk in front of me...i may not follow....Do not walk behind me....i may not lead....Just walk beside me and be my FRIEND....:love author unknown

:pinkfishy email me at anytime teach@nfx.net:pinkfishy

[jbfgator]

i have suffered with low self esteem my whole life. i've always wondered why my friends like me, wondering what i have to offer. i used to focus on things i hadn't accomplished or done. i am in recovery, so latey i've been trying to stop focusing on the negative and start working on what i like about myself. right now it's little things (like i have pretty eyes), but i'm hoping that if i continue my list, eventually those little things will turn into big things. :shy

[squidgy]

Hi, I'm new here. :)

Slightly scared about saying too much just yet, in case you consider me to be lacking respect for the suffering that many people here clearly have gone through. That's not what I would want.

I've never really considered myself to have an eating disorder, well, not comparing to some of my friends, anyway, however, there have been a few phases where I've reacted badly to food in general, and got some ideas into my head that I'm fat. Mind you, that was before my doctor diagnosed IBS. Occasionally, though, I'm now inclined to eat things which I know will bring the symptoms on.

I smoke pretty heavily, I used to abuse whizz as well, this is on my medical record. People used to say that I looked really skinny in the past, and that I looked unhealthy. I used to love this. They don't say it any more, though.

Most important of all, though, were self esteem problems. I'm pleased to say that I'm better now (though there's still some way to go, there are still some aspects of my behaviour that I don't like), but I had major self esteem problems when I was in my teens.

I think that this is due to experience of being bullied. Stockholm Syndrome .... that is, putting your assailants on a pedestal, because, bad as they are, they're not actually as bad as you fear. Why did I love the people who made me so scared? That completely mashed my sense of self-respect. Not sure, though, perhaps that's a bit too Freud, I think there's some credibility in the idea that all of the problems you have as a grown up is because of something that happened to you when you were little, but I don't think it explains everything.

Still, I've decided that maybe it's a time for truth and reconciliation. I think I've got the guts to talk about things with my relatives now that I've never spoken about before. Haven't done it yet, though, and am a little scared, because it's a delicate subject, I don't want to be thought of as blaming people.

I've got friends who have expressed gratitude for me understanding, and helping them to recover from problems such as alcoholism, anorexia and self-injury. Yet now, some of them seem to suggest I'm just being a big drama queen. I'm inclined to believe them, maybe I've even said it myself, but I think there's more to it than that. But this isn't really making me feel good about myself.

I know I haven't explained everything, I feel that I've got to be careful to respect the privacy of other people who have been involved in my life. However, am I making sense? Am I welcome here? Thanks. :)

[cate]

Just to say hi to everyone !

Squidgy,

this is my first post on this particular board but I am sure that you will be more than welcome. :gimmehug

What you wrote in your mail made perfect sense to me and it was really reassuring to hear somebody else articulate so many of the feelings that I have, so thanks for posting. Your really welcome here, I'm quite sure of that, so welcome to the fish bowl! :bowl

love cate xx

[SparkleGirl]

:hugon Squidgy :hugoff
I think you put into words, what a lot of us are feeling! Having an ED is not easily defined! But, hopefully you'll feel better knowing that here, no one will think you're a drama queen!

[SusieUK]

:butterfly Squidgy

I just wanted to say welcome to you. I related to a lot of what you said, especially about putting on a pedestal those who bully you.

I think you are incredibly brave to begin speaking to the people concerned and I'm sure you can find ways of sharing with us without affecting anyone's privacy. I think it's important for you in your recovery because you'll get an incredible amount of love and understanding and good experience from these postings. Above all, you're not alone and among people who will be sympathetic to what you are saying and if you want to be a drama queen, fine and if you don't fine!

:gimmehug

lots of love

Sue

:spinny :love :sun

[rainbowswirl]

:hugon :stars :sun :shy All :fishy ies :shy :sun :stars :hugoff

This is my very first post on this side of the :bowl

So hiya eveyone! :winky

[lost]

Hi! I'm new here. It's my first time to post something and it's also my first time to ever join a support group. I really have a very low self-esteem but I try my best to hide it from people. I project that I'm confident and content with how I look but I really am not.
People usually call me sexy but seldom complement the way my face looks and this totally pulls my self-esteem down. I'm so scared of gaining weight because I feel that if I do become really fat then no one would appreciate me because to them they only see my body. It's really hard for me to always think about not getting fat because I really love to eat and what happens is that there are times when I just completely binge and hate myself afterwards and yet I do it again and again and again then I work my butt off at the gym to burn all the calories that I consumed.

I'm tired of living a life like this. I want to take control of my life instead of letting my life take control of me. HELP!!!!

[lisann]

Dear Lost:angel,
I too am new here and this is my first posting. I read yours and I feel the same way you do on several areas. It gave me a warm feeling just knowing that Someone else out there feels the same way I do. I'm not so strange after all! I would love to hear from you sometime. I too want to take control of my life again, rather than have it control me. Please feel free to email me if you would like to chat.

lisann

:challenge:gimmehugNanook************@hotmail.com

[danskitten]

I am new here...this is my first time. I am hoping that this will help me stay focused and do what I need to do. I need all of the support I can get. This was recommended to me by a very good friend.

[lost]

hi danskitten!
welcome! I am also new here. Like you, I am also in need of support. I do hope that we may be able to help each other by giving each other support. I do hope that you'd learn to share your experiences with me so that I may be able to help you out in every way that I can. Hope to hear from you soon.

...lost

[SunnyTwelve]

Hey everybody!

Well, I guess it's a time for new members. I share everyone sentiments in that I hope that together we can provide very much needed support to each other.

[AnnaSimone]

This is a tough area for me. I really struggle with esteem and identity issues. I am going to try to work hard in here! I hope to get to know you all better. :bowl

[mysmout]

Originally posted by mevf
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff


I want to thank you for this self esteem forum . eventhough i havent posted here but ive been reading all the posts on this forum alot of the posts have helped me to feel good about myself. and i have decided that im going to start posting on this forum because i really need to work on my self esteem issues since i have very low self esteem. i love the work that you do here to keep this place safe for all of us fishies. thanks again for this wonderful site. and the fishbowl. you and Tony are in my thoughts and prayers. purple

[mysmout]

Originally posted by mevf
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff
:hugon :love Amy :love :hugoff

I have had a bad selfesteem for as long as I can remember, but I would like to change this, and with hepl from others I hope I can.
I want to thank you for this self esteem forum . eventhough i havent posted here but ive been reading all the posts on this forum alot of the posts have helped me to feel good about myself. and i have decided that im going to start posting on this forum because i really need to work on my self esteem issues since i have very low self esteem. i love the work that you do here to keep this place safe for all of us fishies. thanks again for this wonderful site. and the fishbowl. you and Tony are in my thoughts and prayers. purple

[chiiab]

hi there,
I am pretty new to this.
I would just like to say a few words about self-esteem, I have suffered from low self-esteem for many years.
I am in recovery at the moment, and am now starting to discover what,s really going on with food, the ED is only a symptom, of something much deeper, like how you feel about yourself, how you percieve yourself, what you believe deep inside, and although its such hard work, that is what needs looking at and addressed.
I hope one day I can start liking myself, loving myself, and respecting myself, just the way I do with others,and I hope one day anyone reading this who feels the same can achieve this goal one day too.
I'm glad I found this site, because I don't feel so alone anymore.

chiiab

[mysmout]

Hi I am new to this group, but am very interested in being able to get help with myself . I come from a back ground where there was little appreciation for who you were and how good a person you are. I know i am a good person but sometimes I guess it helps when you are told now and again. I am appreciative of this forum. Laurie

[manifold]

I can't remember a time when I truely liked who I was or who I am now. No matter how hard I try I just can't come up with a time that I felt comfortable with myselff.

I remember being five years old and worrying that my parents worked to hard and that I had to be quiet or work hard at school so they could be proud of me. My achievements meant nothing to me because I was doing it for me it was for everyone else and now I feel like a fraud because all that time and energy has been wasted because I am sick and can no longer work in the occupation I was trained to do.

I also think that I am evil and this thought seems to be getting greater and greater every day over the last six weeks. No real trigger just I wanted to impact peoples lives somehow and at the moment the only impact I have is a negative one. I guess I want the world to know I was here but hate myself so much that it stops me from being part of the world I long to be in

[second-hand-angel]

Hi!
It's the first time....i've logged in and now here i am.....i was anorexic for four years, came into a clinic last year and stayed there for sive months....this year in January i moved into a group home specialized for girls suffering from ED's.......i lost my Anorexia but i'm not recovered....now i'm suffering from Binge-Eating-disorder........is there someone out there who experienced the same...???....i hope so...........

[bigempty]

I'm new here, and it amazes me to see all of these people expressing the exact same feelings that I have. I'm alone most of the time, lately i've been isolating myself more than ever, and I don't really have any friends that I can talk to. But this website is really comforting, and I hope I can work on some of my issues and meet some people, and looking forward to the chat on wednesday.

[moongirl]

:trigger I am really agitated and probably in denial.



Oh did you ever hit a nerve! (weak lol) I am here because I need help with this issue and have found in the past that I don't know everything there is :ummm to know, so will vow to try my best to keep an open mind, but I have to tell you all where I am right now. I think that the absolute basis of my self-esteem issues has everything to do with my body and it's imperfections. I am feeling very :mad agitated right now.

[wantingfriends]

I am new to being a fishy. I have been in recovery and doing very well for the past **** months...but lately its gotten difficult. I am on several anti depressants that make me gain weight and I have been very uncomfortable lately. Its really hard to deal with. I find myself wanting my disordered eating back. I have not began dieting or fasting or purging yet, but its hard not to. I feel so over weight. My boyfriend, who I do trust and who is very loving, knows all about my eating disordered past and he is great, actually he dated me before when I was very anorexic, he is so supportive but he does not REALLY understand and he is in the millitary so we don't get to see each other often. I just wanted to talk to someone who would get me. Who would understand my fears.

[daretodream]

Hello! I am new to the fishy community. I feel lost at the moment. No matter what I do, how good I feel, or how hard I work- I can always count on sabotaging myself. If i am happy and feeling good for two weeks, then I am depressed and feeling bad for four weeks. It's a trade off. Over the past few years, as I have recovered from bulimia, the good times get longer- but I can always count on the bad times to knock me back a few steps. Lately, I have been falling back on old habits- binging and purging, and laying around all the time. I completly isolate myself which only adds to my misery.

The rational side of my brain knows that this is all a part of recovery- but my goodness - when can I at least get to the point where I feel inspired? When do I get to feel like I am an active participant in my life?
I am so tired of being alone. I am so tired of pushing everyone away out of the fear of eventually losing them. I am tired of living this life on autopilot.

All of these issues stem from my insecurities. At twenty-six I can't believe all that I am afraid of- men, friends, am I stupid, am i boring, am I not cool enough, am I what I look like or what I feel like?
I think I am most terrified of the latter. My whole life I was wrapped up in my looks, I thought it was all I was. That was really all that seemed to matter. No one cared about my opinion- I was just the blonde. I have taken that with me my entire life and I think that is my final battle. Coming to terms with the fact that I am a valuable person on the inside. A day will come when I feel good not because I think I look good, but because I feel good about the person I am.

[Photopatch]

Hi! I am new to this. I am a very shy person.
I am somewhat less shy than I use to be.
I hope this will help me overcome some
more of my shyness and become the person
I want to be.
Photopatch

[MysticLyonesse]

I know the origin of my self-esteem issues from childhood. The hard part is growing out of them in adulthood.

I grew up with a mother who was borderline/major depressed and never satisfied. Everything I did was wrong. Everything I said was stupid. Everything I wanted made me selfish. Everything I needed was a "scheme" to make her even more broke. I was always "disgusting" to her in some way. I was told daily what a burden I was and how I ruined her life.

I spent a lot of time alone. I have always been overweight (ED started at **** years old) so I didnt have many friends. I was ridiculed at school about my weight every day. My mother absolutely obsessed about my weight and her words were more cruel than any kid at school could come up with. I dont think she ever saw me as a person... I was just her embarrassing, overweight burden.

My father was totally absorbed with himself and his little projects. He had a new wife and another child by the time I was **** years old. I was only a priority when my mother called in a frantic rage telling him to come get me.

In private, with my **** friends and children, I am the life of the party - intellectual, witty, cool, conversational, artistic and wildly eclectic. In public I am wallpaper. This dual personality (splitting) is stressful. It's like I have my foot on my own neck all the time to keep myself down. I dont feel I can really be me. I know it stems from not being accepted for ME by my mother and the the splitting it caused.

I've spent my life afraid of being seen. I live in fear of being ridiculed for my weight. I live in fear of being called stupid. I live in fear of not being interesting enough. I live in fear of not being "enough" period. I live in fear of some horrific backlash - behavior that I learned to expect as a child.

I sound bitter and angry at my mother. YES I am very bitter. She wrecked my self-esteem and I have to spend the next few years of my life rebuilding it. I cant forgive her but I can channel the anger into doggedly determined recovery.

[LICORICE]

Amy,

:hugon :love :hugoff

Thank you for all the great support you give to the :bowl

Sara

[Calendula]

Hi everyone,

I'm very new to accepting the reality of my CO. Thank you Amy for all the work you and MrFishy do here. This board is truly amazing. While,it's no substitute for real, three-D interaction and therapy, it's a wonderful place to find support and kind words from people who *get it*.

I've known intellectually for years that I have a problem with low self-esteem and an unhealthy dependence on food but until now, have been able to avoid dealing with it by disguising my problem as any number of issues, including the faults of others.

Now, that I see it all clearly, I feel tremendouly vulnerable. I feel as if everyone who knows me, deals with me, or simply walks past me on the street sees a huge sign on my chest that reads: "I not only have low self-esteem, I have NONE!" I suppose pain is the beginning of a long process of dealing and healing...but it hurts. I'm sad and frightened by the idea of giving up a crutch I've relied upon since early childhood.

Isn't it bizarre, even with low self-esteem, I'm aware that I'm a good, decent, kind, and loving person. I simply can't be good, decent, kind or loving to myself yet.

Tonight I started reading a book that included this: "Love and compulsion cannot coexist...Love expands, compulsion diminishes".

Wow, this stuff hurts! I'm looking to find and love the little lost girl inside.

[deener]

I too am a new fishy. While I am in recovery,(for the most part), I am still struggling imensely with self esteem and figuring out who I am. I can't wait to dive in and take advantage of this awesome coping resource!!

Dana

[Demonika]

Like alot of you, I'm new here too. Although I dont ever admit it, I feel like I need to be streight on this site. Like Lost said, I have a low self-esteem problem but I hide it from people. Most people think I am confident and fine with how I look, but I really am not.
I get alot of compliments and alot of people respect and look up to me, but I think to myselft they wouldnt think that If they really knew who I was. I am litterally frightened of gaining weight because I feel that if I do no one will like me or think I am sexy. Its so hard on me to always think about food and fat because it sees like its all that is on my mind. Sometimes I cant help it and will binge and hate myself afterwards and then I turn right around and do it again, again and again then I work hard at the gym to burn all the calories that I consumed. Its a vicious cycle that needs to end.

I too am tired of living a life like this. I want to get help, but dont really know where to turn. I would like to see someone, like a councellor or something, but fear it is expensive. I am so helpless.

[Allstarcheerleader]

Hey everyone. I am new here. I suffer from anorexia. I definitley want to recover. I hope that coming here will help me with everything that I am going threw right now, these are some tough times. I have definitley lost a lot of self-esteem within the past year. It seems there is always something wrong. I am so tired of worrying about my weight. I do not want that to be the only thing I ever think of. This disease has turned me into something that I never thought I would be. It has turned my life around. I hope that this site can really help me gain back what I have lost. I will be back soon!

[jjp]

Hi all...I'm new here and have been surfing these pages looking for a place to post, since I'm too embarrassed to start a thread (don't ask, haha). I guess that speaks to my low-self esteem. I've been lurking on these boards for a while, and I decided to post because I'm just getting a bit desperate and was hoping to find some support here.

As for intros, I'm ********, a college junior, and stuck in this eating disorder that seems to be getting worse instead of better. I've only had it for about a year, and I've reached a plateau in terms of weight loss, but I can't get myself motivated to gain weight. I don't want to be in this forever, and I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who has recovered since no one I know seems to understand my mentality.

But anyway, I hope I get to know some of you and I've really enjoyed reading yours posts. :)

[prayer warrior]

bigempty said: I'm new here, and it amazes me to see all of these people expressing the exact same feelings that I have. I'm alone most of the time, lately i've been isolating myself more than ever, and I don't really have any friends that I can talk to. But this website is really comforting, and I hope I can work on some of my issues and meet some people, and looking forward to the chat on wednesday. i Can relate to what u have said I feel the same way im glad to know that im not alone.I to have isolated myself from ppl and really do want to change just stuck in trying to figure out how.. Im new to this site but man im glad my freind found it i have found that im not the only one .. I hope that i too can meet other ppl and work on myself.

[Allymmm]

I have never posted here before. I'm feeling sad and angry with myself right now. I've been using my eating disorder to handle this. I'm upset b/c of some experiences at work. I feel like people who are suppossed to be my friends at work were not supportive of me there and it is very hurtful. I have been mad at them for months and cannot bring myself to tell them how I feel. I am slowly drifting away from them now and I'm not going to have any friends there if I don't change my attitude. I don't know if I should say how I feel, or just let it go. Both are very hard things to do. I don't know what to do.

[Joi]

I can't remember a single time in my life when I didn't have low self esteem. I can however remember many times when I hid it. No one wants others to know how insecure they are. I hid it pretty much all my life and when my ed kicked in, it got really bad. I found myself insecure about things I never thought I'd be afraid to do. I found that little things effected my self worth more than they ever did. It's amazing how hard it is to move through life feeling very worthless and inadequate and feeling like you can't tell people around you because they wouldn't understand. And of course the fear of rejection and failure plays heavily into that picture. :challenge Anyway, how do people get their self esteem. Both the little I used to have and the esteem I lost to my ed? :ummm

[uniquename]

Hi, I'm new here. I really appreciate reading all of your messages. I'm so glad I'm not alone. I've just admitted to myself that I have an ED. It has been my dirty secret for over ******** years that for some reason I have been able to dismiss and ignore. Having recently been diagnosed with depression, I can see now that there is a link (duh!)

Anyways, I'm in the process of trying to get help. I'm really scared, ashamed etc., but reading all of your messages gives me strength. Thanks for being here.

[ihopkc]

Hello..I am also new here and want to say that I am happy to also find others..and yourself!..that are on the road to figuring out the road to recovery...that is no easy task. I have been recovering for many many years...and to be honest...it seems that the confusion is slowly being replaced by feelings of "normal" ...kinda like when you mentioned that you are getting it now..or similar....so I am so happy for you and want to encourage you to keep on! Sincerely SP

[IVALUEME]

Recently I figured out how low my self worth was, and how it affects everything about me.

I'm wondering if this place can be helpful. I'm impressed that the founder of this site has been cured, and I believe in her success.

I just don't know if this site and the resources here, will help me get what I need to change myself. I'm starting from the bottom.

I picked my user name because that's my goal.

[coffeefrog]

second hand angel-
I am brand new to this site and have been reading posts to get a sense of what this "place" is all about.
Your post struck me and I am compelled to reply- although I do not yet know the appropriate protocol for doing do, i'll give it a try.

I had a similar experience, post hospitalization. While inpatient, i learned many "tricks of the trade".
There was a whole new world out there that I knew nothing about. After i returned to "the real world", i found that i had many new tools in my tool box to try.
I belive that this is not uncommon. While in the hospital, we had certain protocol to follow- their rules- and no tricks. When I got out, I felt I was back in control-with new ways to beat the system.
Hospitalization was simply a hiatus for me.
I suppose a month in a life time of struggling is not a cure-all. and the real work began in therapy after the in patient program.
I would be most interested to know what the statistics are relating to the succes of an inpatient program.
I have read so many posts from people who were hospitalized years ago and still struggle...
While this does not really offer advice, it does confirm that your experience is not unique.

If you are not ready to let go of the ED, you'll find new ways to hang on to it. It is not uncommon to go from one way of coping to another- especially after restricting...the path always seems to lead to the other extreme.

[coffeefrog]

second hand angel-
I am brand new to this site and have been reading posts to get a sense of what this "place" is all about.
Your post struck me and I am compelled to reply- although I do not yet know the appropriate protocol for doing do, i'll give it a try.

I had a similar experience, post hospitalization. While inpatient, i learned many "tricks of the trade".
There was a whole new world out there that I knew nothing about. After i returned to "the real world", i found that i had many new tools in my tool box to try.
I belive that this is not uncommon. While in the hospital, we had certain protocol to follow- their rules- and no tricks. When I got out, I felt I was back in control-with new ways to beat the system.
Hospitalization was simply a hiatus for me.
I suppose a month in a life time of struggling is not a cure-all. and the real work began in therapy after the in patient program.
I would be most interested to know what the statistics are relating to the succes of an inpatient program.
I have read so many posts from people who were hospitalized years ago and still struggle...
While this does not really offer advice, it does confirm that your experience is not unique.

If you are not ready to let go of the ED, you'll find new ways to hang on to it. It is not uncommon to go from one way of coping to another- especially after restricting...the path always seems to lead to the other extreme.

[art teacher]

:rainbow Amy

:cool This is very hard for me. I have not faced me yet and got a gross real look at me today.
:cry Did not like to look at what i saw. The selfesteem was nil to none.
:zoinks It seems like there is none there to be had and I can't find it .
:digdeep I keep diging deep to find it but can't find it.
:cute Although i am not yet ready to quit trying to find it. I am sure i will find it and my voice and self.


>>>>>>>>>Thank You <<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Janet

[faerywhiteswan]

hey all... self esteem is such a tricky thing to me. one day i seem to be just fine, while the next i'm wanting to hide under the covers. in the process of the last **** or so years, i've been struggling with my recovery and trying t face those nasty little demons called emotions. i'm getting there, slowly but surely. anyway, as for self esteem, like i said it comes and goes- part of being recovery i guess.. i do remember a time when i had no good feeling of myself... so i guess i should be glad that i get a glimpse now and then- lol.
ok- sorry i thinki rambled and went off the subject... hopefully i found my way back. lol.

it's great to see all the love and support going on around here. such a refreshing change of pace.

love and light
fws

[faerywhiteswan]

oops.... sorry i guess i had a number in there... i didn't think it would be bad, b/c it was for years... but still oops and sorry!

fws

[emilee]

jbfgator said: i have suffered with low self esteem my whole life. i've always wondered why my friends like me, wondering what i have to offer. i used to focus on things i hadn't accomplished or done. i am in recovery, so latey i've been trying to stop focusing on the negative and start working on what i like about myself. right now it's little things (like i have pretty eyes), but i'm hoping that if i continue my list, eventually those little things will turn into big things. :shy it is never too late to get healthy and become joy-filled! God loves us...every soul he ever created....we are the ones who turn away...He doesn't.

[emilee]

God loves us.

this is so new this is the first day I have ever done this ...entering my own thought...although I have visited often in the past. I really like this web site and the loving honesty and sharing that appears to be happening. I have learned ...many times the hard way...that the only one(s) who have to validate my own self-esteem is God and me. I have wasted most of my life thinking someone else has to do the honors. I have truly been "set free". I am finally at age ******** caring enough about my own health and set of skeleton "bones" to take care of my body. I even joined a local gym a few weeks ago to start weight resistance work. I am amazed how it has upped my metabolism and given me happy endorphins. Always read it would...but it really DOES! Today is a great day but can feel and see the love here...that I can come into the group on my less than great times too. till next visit...

[Shoppinbabe]

Hey, this is the first time i have done this... and i think its making me see things in a different light. Im a straight A student at a college prepatory high school. I have ALWAYS been an extreme perfectionist and being thin is so important to me for some reason... I have gone through extremes with my weight i got down to my lowest size and then once again gained some back.... i feel so disgusted and desperate... nothing works! ive tried the "healthy" diet and exercize thing and of course i dont lose a pound. Starving myself just seems so much easier! I feel like im headed down a bad path. i work so hard in school and i feel destined to become something great in life... i dont want to ruin that but at the same time all i want is to like myself! i know im trying to find confidence through diets (or starving) and thats wrong but i dont know what else to do! thanks for listening : )

[sout]

I am new here also.

[huckelberry]

I am new too. I went to treatment a year ago. I feel, I have made progress fallowing a meal plan. But I feel like I will never except myself the way I am. My depression and low self-esteem is so bad that my boyfriend can't take it anymore. I am afraid I am going to loose him and myself.

[huckelberry]

To all that are struggling....

I am right there with you. Sometimes I wonder if I am ever going to be alright. My ED and my depression feed eachother and make my life SO HARD. All I want to do is sleep and eat. I isolate and that feeds into my depression further. My relationship with a higher power is nearly non existant. I always feel like giving up. When things get really bad I finally decide to get motivated and seek help, but then not much happens with in me and I give up. How long am I going to go through this cycle?

[noworrys]

I may have sort of a low self-esteem, It is kind of confusing for me to think that I have an eating disorder, because I still don't think I do. I am on this on line program to listen to different people share there experiences. I might be able to relate to what they are going through. I go through my bouts of depression but I am able to pull myself out again. I go through stages of not eating but then I pull myself out of that again. Sometimes it feels like a endless circle of confusion, but I know that if I keep thinking positive that one day all this will just be a memory of the past and something to grow from. I am beautiful and all those who post are beautiful. Just think how strong each and everyone of us are for being here, asking for help, and most of all being able to support someone else in a time of need.

I just have to say this is a great place to be

[sorrows-unknown]

:hugon :hugon :love amy :love :hugoff :hugoff
if it is you woh runs the board mainly i would just like to let you know i can never show you or thank you enough for your deep understanding adn time,effort love adn everything everything you put into these boards!!!
I'm mostly at a loss for words! :lubdub
I've never felt loved or accepted in my life i still don't but here on the boards i have found some relief from the internal pain that has seemed so vast so deep and unending even before my ed....
:lubdub :gimmehug :lubdub :gimmehug :lubdub :gimmehug :lubdub :gimmehug :lubdub
THANK YOU!!!!!!
You have started something beautiful. :lubdub
Beauty like this is too rare and precious!!
I am lucky ot have found this!!!!
Thank you for being apart of it and starting it!! :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug :lubdub :gimmehug :lubdub :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug
:love ritzi

[oui-oui]

Hello my buddies!

This is my first post, although I have been my self-esteem and ed for decades. Seems like nothing I do is good enough for me: the "committee" inside my head roars with shoulds, coulda, wouldas and i feel so confused. Yesterday I invited some friends to a movie, and I felt responsible for each of them liking it or not. By the time I drove home, I was sure that I had picked the wrong movie and that the three women I went with were ridiculing me. I know how silly this thinking pattern is. How self-destructive. On the outside, most people would say that I am "lucky", but my insides aren't trustworthy. I am working on that, and it sure helps to write. I hope that I have not broken any of the basic rules, as I am not sure what flaming is.
Hope to see some new posts!!!
oui-oui

[cookiedoughamy]

Im new to this site so im not exactly sure how anything works but ill just say whats really bothering me. Its pretty simple but I worry about people are going to judge me. I dont want them to get the wrong first impression becuase of the way i look. people tend to do that but I just want to be judged by the contents of me. I have a problem with going outside alot.

[LWM]

Hello,

I am a first-time poster here. This was one of the first threads I opened.

I would like to ask where the information below comes from? I have been researching the subject of eating disorders for some months now, and I have NEVER seen a statement like the one below supported in any of the medical literature.

I believe that what eating disorder sufferers suffer from is profound malnutrition and starvation. When you are starving, or semi-starved, your brain does not work correctly.

I would like to see the documentation for this kind of wide-ranging claim. Thank you.

--LWM

The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.
Because everyone with an ED, whether currently suffering or in recovery, has many issues related to self-esteem and insecurities

[Skyward]

LWM,

There have been many articles published in medical journals on the link between self-esteem and eating disorders. Other personality traits, such as perfectionism, have been linked to eating disorders as well. While it is inarguable that the brain does not function properly when it is malnutritioned, this is NOT the core element of eating disorders! Eating disorders are NOT about food; they are about underlying issues, and the quote you cited from the SF website explains this concept, citing self-esteem as the most common element surrounding all eating disorders. Eating disorders are physical manifestations of psychological "issues" (for lack of a better word). If the only thing that eating disordered individuals suffered from was a dysfunctional brain due to malnutrition, then eating disorders would be easily "cured" by refeeding. And as ANY person who suffers from an eating disorder knows, this is simply not the case.

Welcome to the SF site. I encourage you to look around and read the :fishys' posts. Read about their struggles, their lives, their histories. We are so much more than malnutritioned selves.

[Kensington]

Hi LWM,

Your profile says you are the mother of someone with an ed. Do you also have an ed? If not, you need to post on the Family & Friends forum, rather than here, which is the sufferers forum.

[Millificent]

LWM, the articles cited in this article are all old, but they are still very relevant today:What Is The Relationship Between Low Self-Esteem and Eating Disorders ? (http://www.vanderbilt.edu/AnS/psychology/health_psychology/esteem.htm)

:dragon Millie

[hammster]

A lot of my low self-esteem stems from my low self-worth. I don't feel worthy to have friends, I don't feel worthy enough to enjoy things, which feeds on my ED I guess. I don't feel worthy enough to enjoy food, so I won't let myself. I feel that if I'm thinner I would be worthy of such things. Which is stupid I guess. But it's where my mind's at, at the moment.

I love this, it's so hard to reach out when it seems like no one understands :shy.
-Hammster :lubdub

[Caelia]

Hi everyone,

I've just registered recently. I'm a little nervous and thrilled to be here. I've recently realised that I've never had anyone I could confide in about my ED. The most important people in my life don't know how much of my time, energy and thoughts are consumed by my ED.

I was reading an article lately that was suggesting writing love letter to ourselves, so I decided to write a love letter to myself. I was suprised to hate mail was much easier to write than a positive heartfelt letter. Where does this come from? Why can't I like myself? Why can't I dig deep enough to get to the source of the problem? If anyone has pointers, advice, anything I would appreciate it.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to pour out my heart!






The most common element surrounding ALL Eating Disorders is the inherent presence of a low self esteem.

Because everyone with an ED, whether currently suffering or in recovery, has many issues related to self-esteem and insecurities, we've started this forum just for that type of discussion! ALL FISHYS are welcome, no matter which ED you suffer from or are in recovery for.

This forum is for talking about, exploring and working on feeling better about YOU -- why you don't like yourself, why you feel others don't like you, your fears related to being accepted by peers, how relationships in your life have effected your sense of self, why you can't trust others or yourself, things that keep you or contributed to your low self-esteem (etc. etc), and working to improve liking the wonderful person you really are!

You don't have to be in recovery to post here... but of course, we hope that by exploring these issues you will slowly move that much closer to it! That should be the goal!

Those in recovery or recovered are always welcome to share ideas on how they improved their self-esteem!

The only specific rule in this forum is we will NOT ALLOW posts that say things such as "I don't like myself because I'm too fat/too thin/too whatever-related-to-weight"... EXPLORE yourself -- go inside and be willing to find out what's really bothering you! The reasons for low self-esteem are NEVER because of your body shape or size itself!

Enjoy the new forum :winky
Take care of YOU

[lostchik]

how do i tell someone that i have anorexia???????????????

[ibydoll]

I have figured out a large missing piece of my puzzle this evening. I attended group therapy today, and then I received a phone call from an old roomate. She is "perfect" she is gorgeous, has a great voice, smart, with a great job, and just got married to someone she is just so in love with. This is a very happy woman, and I am so proud of her for and jealous of that in the same breath! I just wanted to know...how can I be like that. Why haven't I found that happiness? Why did I start to find that happiness when I went to an inpatient treatment center? THe answers: In treatment, I was bombarded with messages and advice on how to start loving myself. And because I was surrounded by the love, I think I actually started to love myself. Three years later, I am in this place, trying to make it through the next day. I am not happy. And I think the missing piece is that I don't love myself! I exclaim this because I am so happy to have found what I may have started several years ago and never finished! In this life, I have to love myself first before anything else!

Love all!
Goodnight!

[dissy]

i understand exactly how you feel about your mother, because i to feel the same way. my low self-esteem started when i was a very small child because my mother always told me i wasnt good enough and i carried these thoughts with me into adulthood. I fear rejection, and i constantly worry about what people think about how i look. These thoughts are always with me night and day. When you talked about the dual or (splitting) im wondering if maybe we both are still trying to find that little person inside of us, and make things right with it. Even though i know what caused my low self esteem, its really hard to get past it. im really glad i found this support group, and i would love any advise i could get. I turned to food to try and cover up all the hurt i am feeling. I am a compulsive eater. It seems like an endless cycle that will never end.

[dissy]

Im new to this site so im not exactly sure how anything works but ill just say whats really bothering me. Its pretty simple but I worry about people are going to judge me. I dont want them to get the wrong first impression becuase of the way i look. people tend to do that but I just want to be judged by the contents of me. I have a problem with going outside alot.
what do u mean u have a problem with going outside alot? are u worried about what people are thinking about u? If u are, then thats definately a sign of low self esteem. Im new to this site, and would love to make new friends.

[NFNY]

Because everyone with an ED, whether currently suffering or in recovery, has many issues related to self-esteem and insecurities, we've started this forum just for that type of discussion! ALL FISHYS are welcome, no matter which ED you suffer from or are in recovery for.

This forum is for talking about, exploring and working on feeling better about YOU -- why you don't like yourself, why you feel others don't like you, your fears related to being accepted by peers, how relationships in your life have effected your sense of self, why you can't trust others or yourself, things that keep you or contributed to your low self-esteem (etc. etc), and working to improve liking the wonderful person you really are!

You don't have to be in recovery to post here... but of course, we hope that by exploring these issues you will slowly move that much closer to it! That should be the goal!
Those in recovery or recovered are always welcome to share ideas on how they improved their self-esteem!

I feel like a piece of garbage tonight. I chair a ******** Step Meeting in another Program. Some girl who just came in off the street started screaming at me. She said I was a "F--king bitch" and everyone knew that I didn't care about anyone but myself. I got angry and lost my temper. I eventually left and gave the meeting to someone else.
I'm angry at myself for losing it with her. She reminded me of my mother, who abused me as a kid.

I have no self-esteem. I have no money, and no real job. I want to eat as i write this. I am just so angry. I am not honest about my EDs, because I am too ashamed. I am thin, and the O.A.s make fun of me. The last time I went, no one would sponsor me because I said I was bulimic.They referred me to someone else, who also said she couldn't help me.That was the end of me and OA. This is the first time in years that I have even tried to do something about the EDs. I read this web for months before I even posted.

I don't know what to say. I hate myself. I compare myself to other women unfavorably. I never feel like I look good enough-ever.I go out with a guy I met there. We have sex once a week, and he hits on all the girls at the meeting. He hasn't done it in front of me lately. This girl tonight was one of the girls he looked at, and I am jealous of her. And then I feel bad for being jealous.I feel bad that I am not perfect- in appearance, finances, my age...

I don't even know if I can post this here, but I don't know what else to do.
I just feel like garbage, and it doesn't matter how many friends I have, or how many people tell me they like me, or even how many guys ask me out. I never feel good about myself.

I don't like other women either. Thet are always a threat to me. IT was always about appearances, or looking right, although everyone in my family is an alcoholic and we were totally dysfunctional.

It is not the weight- it has never really been about the weight. The food is just a way to vent the anger and self-hatred. the fact that I never feel loved.In all of adult life, I have experienced only fleeting moments of love.

[Hear me now]

i am also struggeling with my low self esteem, obviously, as all of you are
.. i hate how it effects my recovery though. im struggeling thru recovery of my ED and am engaged in SI, and i talk to my friends about it which helps me to get better.
--welll they tell me i can call them WHENEVER i want or need, even in the middle of the night. i know they woudl'nt lie to me, but honestly i dont beleive them becuase I feel like they'll just get annoyed of me burdening them, they'll get sick of all my problems, and if they have a lot of homework, or they were sleeping, they will only get annoyed of me. it makes me feel like they dont truely care about me. just b/c i let every little thing get to me and i take it as offense to me. specialy when i call them to talk, but before i say anything about it they act like they have so much hw, etc. im expceting them to read my mind and know im not okay. thats not fair to them, but i do it and only let myself down.

i take everyhitng personally to assure myself that i really should hate myself like i do

anyone relate??

[hollywood]

so i am posting on here right now as a last resort..sounds horrible i know, but i am not really sure what to do at this point. i have never posted on here before, never been a member, but for the last **** months i have read empowering stories that have given me courage to look in the mirror each day. over this past summer i restricted my food, and over exercised each day. spending roughly **** hours a day **** days a week in the gym for three months got to me. the weight started flying off...and my friends picked up on it about two months down the line. im not skinny, but when i saw the weight coming off...i saw how fast it was coming off..and how easy it was, i was amazed. i was addicted to it. spending a semester struggling in school, almost losing my friendships, i vowed to not let this take over my life. i wanted to feel beautiful, and i thought 'skinny' was the only way to do it. i haven't over worked or restricted my food for about **** month now...but i think about it every day. i think about how i could restrict and it is just a constant battle for me. i don't want to slip back in, im scared of talking to someone...im just looking for support. encouragment..and for someone to tell me that looks aren't everything in this world. i know this probably sounds like a pathetic post, and for me it is...im just looking for a hug, an ear, and hopefully someone to just give me their words of wisdom on how they made it through the hard times. thanks so much

[Kensington]

Hi hollywood,

Welcome to the :bowl!

It takes bravery to post & I'm glad you did. If you start your own thread, more people will see your post & be able to respond. You can copy what you wrote here & put it in a new thread on one of the ED boards (Anorexia, Anorexia/Bulimia, etc).

[shalott]

Hello:

This is my first visit to this site -- I learned of it's existance through a site titled "MyShrink.com". I am in the recovery phase of my eating disorder (anorexia) and have been for the past **** years. I have a personal therapist who I see regularily -- she is extraordinarily wonderful! I continue to struggle with feelings of worthiness -- even of being worthy of seeing a therapist that I pay for.....I am a registered nurse in an ICU, I raised a daughter who has become a dentist, I am enrolled in a masters in nursing program (GPA ****.****), and yet I still feel inadequate.....When I chose to follow the path of recovery **** years ago, I had no idea the path would be so lengthy...I do vividly remember by therapist stating on our first apt...."This is the beginning of a lengthy relationship"....my thought at the time was "Two months tops and I will be so done here"....well, like I said **** years later....progess is slower than I imagined/anticipated....Any ideas anyone on how I can begin to feel worthy?

[heartofhope]

This is the first time that I've ever written anything that would be for public display. I wish I had done it sooner.

It feels so great to know that I'm not alone, and that others are trying just as hard, if not harder, to come to terms with whatever issues thay have in their lives.

My life, so far, has been challenging, and each day is a struggle. Waking up in the morning is a gift, it's an opportunity to try again, and improve. I'm recovering from an eating disorder, and battling self-esteem issues.

Of course, I use the word "recovery" loosely here. I relapse more often than I care to admit but I feel that now that I can express myself here in these forums, like I finally have a chance to succeed, and be happy again.

Thank you for giving me hope.

[starsapphire]

Hi,:happy this is my first time posting anywhere, EVER, so eek! Have been checking the site out off and on for a few years. So...self-esteem...probably that I often feel good based on external factors and often need reassurance from others to feel good. I usually don't trust my own judgement. Not so good! Feel guilt and shame over a lot over things that others may not. For example, not having a clean house or not studying ALL the time for school. I need to lighten up on myself. Makes me not so much fun to be around and I'm stressing. Also have just started a new relationship and I'm sabotaging it by stressing all the time and continuing certain habits. Makes it hard to be fully there.

But mostly I'd like to break the cycle I have and I'm hoping by talking it out here it will help. I really, really want a more fulfilling life that doesn't revolve around "should's" but I want's. Where I don't worry so much about what other's think or the biggest one of all, rejection, whether of self or ideas or whatever. Love, love, me do!:love

So thank you for this website and everyone's posts! I love them!! So nice to read and helps me feel better.:girly I will get through this! For me! Oh, boy, I feel so much more hopeful.

[Jenalyn]

Hi, Im new here.
I came onto this post because I am working very hard on trying to boost my self esteem. I want to learn to accept myself for who I am, and live with the fact that I am me; and I am unique. This is really hard for me, and Im hoping maybe I will find the support I need if other people going through the same thing are willing to help me out. I would appreciate the help, and I am willing to do all I can to help others too.
I have been raised to believe I am nothing but an accident; because I was. My whole life has been nothing good for my self esteem, so as you can imagine, I have very low self esteem. My mother has always set goals for me, unrealistic ones at that... and I was to young to realize that I am me for a reason, and I shouldn be trying to be anyone else. Yeah, Ive some to that conclusion, but the feelings for myself are still the same: Im not good enough for this, Im not good enough for that. I Just want to believe in myself, and I want to know everything is okay... evem if you are different.
Im not sure if I'm babbling... knowing me, I probably am. But im just really looking for help. I want to have a better outlook on myself.
Thanks All =]

[VirgoHeart]

I'm not quite sure where my self-esteem went. I guess it all started after being "rejected" by a long time psuedo-boyfriend in college. After that is when the obsession with the exterior began. Along with constant blasts about "ideal" body images from the media and men's admitted and blatent preoccupation with looks, I am where I am today. It's like, no matter what I do or how I succeed nothing I do is enough. The way I look is never enough, either. I feel like I can never live up to the ideals of perfection I have created in my mind. I, too, am guilty of constantly comparing myself to other women and especially to myself when I was at my "best." I feel like I have to be the person who is in the best shape because that's what people expect from me. It's an image I control; something that brings me satisfaction but at the same time, a stressed out perfectionistic ideal. Even when I was at my "best," I was in an emotionaly abusive relationship and utterly miserable. I don't think I have ever accepted myself or learned to love myself for reasons beyond the physical. My goal is to continue working out and being healthy because they make me FEEL good. Above all, I aim to find those strategies that will help me see beyond everything into the inner me and love myself everyday for those things.