I think I am on the brink of an eating disorder..

[brittanysometimes]

Hi, my name is Brittany and I'm a senior in highschool. I have been completely preoccupied with my body image for the past three years. When I looking a mirror, I am not looking at my face, I'm looking at the imperfections of my body. I obsess about food. I'm always thinking about the next time I'm going to eat and how good it's going to be. But then, after I get through ALL of it, I just feel terrible about myself and predict in my head where it'll show up on my body. I'm not anything abnormal weight-wise I guess, I'm fairly average.. even verging on the underweight side, but I can't help but fearing that I will just keep gaining and gaining. This senior year of highschool alone I gained ten lbs - needless to say this year has been EXTREMELY stressful, what with college and school and all that. I have fasted and I have made myself sick after eating just to rid it from myself, though not frequently. I feel like I cannot control my eating. I eat even when I'm not hungry.

I don't know what I should do, if I should talk to a school counsellor or something.
Is this even a problem yet?
What can I do to stop it from getting worse?

[LUV to fly SWA]

Welcome to the :bowl, :hugonbrittanysometimes!:hugoff I'm sorry you're struggling. I think it would be good for you to talk to your counselor, & maybe s/he can set you up with a psychologist & dietician. You can always come here, too! I wish you well! :gimmehug

[ItWasReal]

It's definitely a problem because you're here on an ED board. You recognise somewhere inside yourself that you are not too big and that you are still dissatisfied with how you see yourself.

It isn't okay to have to live via what you perceive in the mirror, you deserve better. You're young and it is really important that you address this now before it becomes even more of an issue. Even if you haven't developed a full ED (I'm not judging, only a professional can tell you that) you are clearly in distress and it is coming out through your relationship to your body.

You need and deserve to be heard and to be helped to look at what is really going on.

It's great that you came here and had the courage to post. definitely make that appointment with the school counsellor and keep talking here or wherever is helpful to you. The earlier you catch this the better your chances of moving beyond it. Don't let yourself fester in this trap.

Louisa x

[missruby]

Hi honey. :gimmehug I am really glad you came here. I can assure you that this is a safe place where you can be honest about who you really are and what you are really struggling with... and you will receive love, understanding and support.

First of all: I don't think you are on the *brink of an eating disorder. I think that you already have one. The things that you mentioned you are doing (i.e. obsessing, restricting, purging)... these are all things that are not normal and are definitely not healthy.

Do you have anyone in your life that you could trust enough to share this with? Honestly, this is the best place you can start. If you have a family member, a friend, or even a counselor at school? Please just make sure you choose someone you trust, someone you believe has the wisdom to be able to help you in the way that you need to be helped...

Eating disorders like to fester in the darkness, away from other people and away from the truth. It will feed you lies upon lies, dear. It sounds like you already understand that to some degree. You fear you're going to gain weight, and I'm sure the mirror shows you something other than the truth when you look into it. Having an eating disorder is a living nightmare, and you deserve a better life than the life it can offer you. That life is miserable, and very very lonely. You have the gift of youth and the gift of life, girl. Please get the help you need.

[LindenTree]

I agree with everything that other members have said: getting help ASAP will give you the best chance at dealing with your issues and beating your disordered thinking and behaviours. It wasn't until my first year of university that I sought help and I wish I'd done it sooner - it can and will help if you are willing to be helped and heard.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Well done for opening up and seeking help. I can only back up what others have said too...I had ED for seven years, through all my teens/into young adulthood. It is never, ever the preferable course of action..I don't need to tell you that. Three years is already three years more than you or anyone deserves.