Critical parents feeding anorexia

[SillyGlitter]

I've never thought of my mother as a critical woman. She doesn't keep much structure and she's not a strict parent. But i've begun to realize all of the little emotional games she plays and how 'you don't deserve to go to school' from her mouth translates into 'you're too fat to go to school' in my brain. I can't even estimate the scale of her manipulation. But what I do know is that she is my only parent and that she admits to my T that she will never truely be proud of me. That she has given up on me since the day I was born. And that she will not be able to love me unconditionally because I make mistakes and i'm a disgusting piece of trash. It may sound painful but it's how it has always been. I've wasted my whole life trying to meet her standards and to earn her love. Emotionally she has taken me on a rollercoaster and although i know it could be a whole lot worse my motivation to function has dwindled. I know that if i lived on my own i would quit my job and pursue my anorexia as my lifelong career. Has anyone else been affected by their parents in this way?

[ducksquack]

That is so tragic and hopefully you and your T are working thru
this horrible relationship you have with your mom.

Parents are supposed to nurture and care and love not judge and
be unkind and mean.

Your mom is taking out her issues by punishing you and thats a
horrible and sad situation for you. You are a decent person whether
she agrees or not.

god bless.

[recoveryatlast]

At least the positive is she is attending therapy with you and having some involvement.

I guess that shows she does want to help in some way

[SillyGlitter]

She's not attending she just waltzed in there and let it rip

[recoveryatlast]

I'm sorry. Perhaps you should ban her or make some arrangement with your T that she isnt allowed to attend sessions as it ends up being fairly toxic to your recovery

[SillyGlitter]

Thats a really good idea :)

[bellydancer]

SillyGlitter,
That's a really horrible thing for anyone to say about their child. What does your T say about it?

[SillyGlitter]

Like she's going to say anything? My moms paying her

[bellydancer]

Did your mother literally say those things, or did she say other things that you interpreted in that way? (I'm not asking that because I doubt your feelings, I'm just trying to get a better handle on the situation).

[SillyGlitter]

O she actually says those things but then she'll cover her but by saying 'your not fat' lol which doesn't change how she feels about me

[kiote]

If a therapist is so concerned about money they won't even challenge an idiot like your mom who barges into the office and spews filth, I'd get a different therapist. But I understand you're in a bind since your mom is paying for it. How old are you? Are you able to move out with a friend, roommate, or family member so that you are in a healthier environment for promoting recovery?