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pooh bear fan
12-11-2001, 04:11 PM
Hey

There has been something on my mind of late, and I was just wondering if any other fishies can relate.

I live with my boyfriend. He is such a jem. I love him to bits, would never trade him for anything.

But lately, and right now the ed is particularly bad, I find that whenever he touches more, or wants to give me a cuddle, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I just feel so fat and disgusting, and wonder why he would want to cuddle me.

It's weird. I use to love cuddles, and was always willing to give one, and loved it even more when I received one.

But lately it just seems that I don't have any give, and that I don't want to receive them either.

Has anyone else ever experienced this? It makes me feel so bad, because I love him so much, and I know its not anything bad in our relationship, but if I carry on being like this it will become a problem.

I know that its probably because the ed is bad right now, but I wish it wasn't. I want it to be like before.

Anyway, just thought I'd share...


Michelle :love

SuperFurryAnimal
12-11-2001, 06:18 PM
Yep, your feelings are undoubtedly caused by the ED. It makes you hate contact with people, either physically or emotionally, makes you isolate, all the usual ED behaviours...

Yes, if you carry on like this, it will be a problem. I have been both the problem person in a relationship and the person who is affecetd by the person with an ED in the relationship. It is very hard for both parties.

Time to get something sorted out, seek help before things that are positive in your life are affected.

:love

Andy.x

KJoy
12-11-2001, 08:11 PM
I completely agree with Andy.

This can escalate into a serious problem in your relationship if you don't sort things out.

I had a similar issue where my fabulous boyfriend would touch me and I would feel so fat.....and not allow him to touch me anymore. In fact, it was a frequent problem in our relationship. But he would always talk through it with me- leave me alone when I couldn't handle it. Or sometimes we would compromise a little.....and he would touch my face or my hair. And generally, because he was such a gentle person- I could work my way back into more.

Anyway- all this to say that I'm sure this is a common problem...and if you don't find someway to work through it- it will become a much bigger issue.

<smile>,
Kjoy

oceania
12-11-2001, 09:45 PM
I have been there before too and it really is hard to deal with (for both people in the relationship). Sometimes it helped if I tried really hard not to think about my body and to just think about how much I cared about my boyfriend. It can also help to go really slowly and maybe just start by leaning against him on the couch and letting him put his arms around you. Try something like that and focus on how secure and comfortable it feels. How good it feels to be close to your boyfriend. When you cuddle with him, you're not analyzing his body and searching for flaws are you? You just like him and want to be close to him. That is the same way he feels about you.

I don't know if this was any help cuz I know everything is easier said than done but just wanted you to know that I understand.

Good luck!

much :love
oceania

ChatNoir
12-13-2001, 09:48 AM
:hugon Michelle :hugoff
I know it's always easier to say something than to put it in practice when it comes to eds, but here's my couple cents worth --
Try to think of the cuddles and touching and such as a compliment- sort of positive reinforcement. If your boyfriend wants to be that close then he obviously is attracted to you. He must care for you very much and I'm sure he thinks you're beautiful. So try to see it from his point of view - not the ed's. Easier said than done, I know, but everything's worth a shot, right? Best of :clover
:love
:kitty

miss_scarlet
12-13-2001, 11:52 AM
:hugon Michelle :hugoff

I agree with the others - this is something that you need to deal with now, or it will hurt your relationship. It IS the ed at work that's making you feel like this. You have to fight it, or it's going to take over.

I struggled with this, too. Feeling uncomfortable even being looked at too closely by my husband. I used to think he was looking at my problem areas, the same places I hate on my body. Truth is, he was looking at them. Only he was looking because he LIKED the way they looked :winky

We don't have realistic perceptions of our bodies - that's a good part of why we're dealing with these eating disorders. We have to learn to love and accept our bodies - and beyond that, OURSELVES - for what they are, and not wish for them to be something more.

My advice is to talk to your boyfriend. Explain to him how you're feeling right now, making it perfectly clear that it's not him, or your relationship, that's making you feel this way. Ask him for support, and compliments about your body. Eventually, if you keep hearing good things about your body, you'll probably start to believe them.