long road?

[mwkat]

Well :fishy 's what can I say?
You've read my posts...and I think the last week has been quite traumatic. haha yesterday I got into a huge..HUGE fight with my parents. *sobbing* :cry they also said that I would have a meeting with a counselor today. :scared :mad :sad

I didn't know what to expect. However, I did know one thing. This thing was ruining my life, I was snapping at everyone, I was always stressed out, and my moods were all over the place. (i didn't think i was acting strange at all by the way) :sarcasm I realized that this thing really has changed me. I want to be the sweet..perfect girl I was..i'm none of that now. *crying* I want it so bad. I wish i could just erase all of these horrid thoughts and memories.. :cry :edbgone (i think..)

Well, I went to the counselor today. She took a history of my like/dislikes and other stuff..my parents were there. She took down our family background and other related stuff. we started talking about food. She has no clue about my ed. I kinda avoided hinting it as much as i could. I will have another session with her in two weeks since i'm going on a trip.

Its so nice to actually talk about things. However, I'm scared about my parents knowing it...I don't know why, but I am. When we were saying goodbye she handed the info to this lady and the lady asked what the "diagnosis" was..diagnosis!!!?? :scared what does that mean?
gosh... *sighs* I don't want to have this thing (ed) anymore..i want to be normal..whatever normal is. I know that this road is going to be hard, I wish i didn't have to face it too. And I know there will be times when I will want to go right back to the ed, but hopefully my friend will help me get through it.

I have one question though..i'm only seeing a counselor/social worker now. When she finds out about my ed..if she even does. Will I have to go to a therapist or someone else?? or are they the same thing??

:hugon :love :hugoff
mwkat

:edbgone

:notes goodnight my angel time to close your eyes, and save these questions for another day..I think I know what you've been asking me, I think you know what I've been trying to say :notes I promised that I would never leave you...and you should always know, wherever you may go-no matter where you are I'll never be far away :notes

:singing "Lullaby " -Billy Joel- :singing

[*star]

:hugonmwkat:hugoff
aww sorry to hear you arent feeling well :sad. parents can make things worse when theyre already bad, and i bet you felt seeing that counselor is one of those bad things they did to you. at least now you have someone to talk to, even if its not about the ed. just let your emotions fly! if you tell her about your ed, theres usually a confidentiality issue where your counselor cannot tell your parents. im not sure if a counselor is the same as a therapist, but i hope you find someone you can trust enough to tell about your ed. feel better!! i :love you!

[piscesfriend]

mwkat,

I've been replying to all your posts because, girl, I FEEL FOR YOU! :) I can just imagine what a tough spot you're in right now, and trust me, it only gets better from here.

It's time. It's time for you to reach out to your therapist, there's no harm, only good in telling her about your ED. And your friend, too. The more help and support you can get, the more loved and understood you'll feel, and the easier it will be to start recovering. You need to do this for you.

And listen, you mentioned wanting to be that "perfect" girl you used to be. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH: Trying to be perfect is what got you here. You are TOO HARD ON YOURSELF !!!! You need to realize that NO ONE is perfect. We are all being the best we can be, but if we have a bad day, we should be allowed to have a big piece of cake, or yell at someone, or punch a pillow. We have to be true to ourselves, mwkat, and if we aren't we start stuffing our feelings by using the ED. That way, we become numb to our emotions, and for a while, we think that's better. But you know what? Using the ED to stuff your feelings is like selling your soul to the devil for a nice pair of shoes. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!! The consequences are so huge. You said it yourself, you don't like what's happening to you. Listen to that voice, not the voice of the ED. You need love and support, not self-punishment and living every day in fear. Love yourself, and allow others to love you. Life's not simple, and no one should be expected to make it alone. Don't expect that of yourself. You deserve love and support like everyone else. REACH OUT. Tell someone you need their support. Start with your new therapist -- that's her JOB :)

Much love and best wishes,

Amanda.