View Full Version : Do I love him?

12-09-2001, 07:13 PM
I feel so awful.

I don't know what's going on.
Sometimes I feel like I love him to death. Other times I feel scared of him and really uneasy.
He's starting to get unpredictable. He used to be so strong and sweet and never had a problem. Now he plays mind games and confuses me.
I can't handle the games. They upset me. And I never know why I seem to be in one.
I don't even know what lable to give our relationship anymore. We went from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends (because I couldn't handle having a boyfriend) but although he said it was fine, he never gave me the space I needed from him.
He always wants to be doing something with me. Even if it means I don't have time to do homework or sleep.
I don't have time for anyone else. He is the only one of my friends (those I havn't lost because I don't hand around with them anymore) that I see outside of school.
He says he's trying to be sweet when he waits around for me after work or shows up unannounced at my house but it freaks me out. I don't ask him to wait because I usually have something else that really needs to get done. Then he gets mad when I go do whatever it was I needed to do instead of stay with him.
I dropped some classes and he says it was to get away from him. This makes me feel like shit because I was trying to take care of myself and he turns it into something about him.
He gets jealous when I go to a teacher or guidance counsellor with my problems instead of talking to him. He says that they have replaced him.
I've been thinking about breaking up with him for a while (what am I saying...I already tried it and he doesn't acknowledge it...). I don't know what to do. I feel like it's just another thing on my plate for me to deal with. I honestly want him as a friend. I love him. But not romantically. And I feel so guilty when I'm with him. It's like I should be in heaven with him, but usually I'm scared, moody, tired, and annoyed.

What to do?

12-11-2001, 04:27 PM
Teddy, It sounds like you need to get someone to help you, a family member, a counselor, someone who will back you up when you tell this guy it's over.

From what you have described, this guy is very manipulative. It sounds like he is only interested in getting his needs met. Anyone who cuts you off from your friends and support system is up to NO good!!!

Sometimes it happens so gradually and they say how much they love you and need you. It's natural to feel guilty when it seems like he can't live without you.

You have a responsibility to yourself first!!! It's hard, trust me I know, I just went through this.

You have to be very careful but firm with him. Again I would have a trusted person with some authority present when you tell him it is over. And then you have to stick to it no matter how hard it is.

You deserve to get sleep. You deserve to have time to do your work. You deserve to see your friends. You deserve to talk with counselors. You deserve to take care of yourself. If someone is standing in your way, you owe him NOTHING!!!

Don't kid yourself that he will ever allow you to be just his friend. If he can't control you he will not be happy. As hard as it is, cut the tie now and move on.

Good luck. (Again, get some support!!!)



12-11-2001, 07:26 PM
I agree with Karen. This sounds like it is escalating into a not-so-great situation, and you should let somebody know, and decide what you're going to do about it and how you will stay safe and sane.

Boyfriends, and friends in general, should not make you feel bad about yourself; should not manipulate you; should not lay guilt trips; should not follow you when you don't want to be followed. You feel uneasy--and that's your insides telling you something, giving you a heads up. Listen to your feelings, and trust them.

good luck.


12-11-2001, 08:04 PM

I also agree with Karen. This guy does sound manipulative and needy. If you aren't careful- need will suck the life right out of you.

Does he have any of his own friends? Or is he trying to have you be his girlfriend/friend group/mother/etcetc?

You totally deserve to manage your own time and not have him guilt you into spending time with him.....

He's a very jealous boyfriend and has to be the center of all your decisions.....not good. I think you know that this relationship is wrong for you. When you are always "scared, moody, annoyed and tired" when you are with someone- that's a clear sign......

Trying to scale things off (going from dating to "just friends") is very difficult.....if you want to stop dating him- you probably should cut it off completely. I know that initially that's a hard thing.....boyfriends are hard to break up with---but in the long run, consider YOU and your happiness.

Best wishes,

Allison LHF
12-12-2001, 01:24 PM
Personally I don't think he sounds like a bad guy. I think he's just confused, not from anything you've done, just confused himself. He can't decide whether he can handle just being your friend or whether he wants to turn it into something more.
I think the best advice I can give is to continue to be upfront with him, let him know where he stands and what you think at all times, and if he won't accept that...then you made need to take action...

:bounce Allison :bounce

12-13-2001, 06:03 PM
I know this pattern well. Either im on the receiving end, or the giving end. My ex was like this too. Its a form of manipulation and definetely what it feels like- a mind game. You arent the only one going through it all though, Im going through mind games too, although in a different context. My advice is to get away, though I dont know your entire situation. I have problems taking my own medicine. But i wish you luck in yours :)


12-16-2001, 02:00 AM
I don't know what to do. We've been dating for two and half years. That's hard to break off.

:hugonKaren:hugoff The authority figures (my parents) think he's the most wonderful thing since chocolate and they think that any problems between us are my fault and for me to fix on my own. Not sure who I could got to.
:hugonkers:hugoff I would listen to my feelings and trust them, but they keep sending me completely opposite messages. I'm a little confused with my feelings.
:hugonkjoy:hugoff He has his own friends, but doesn't often go see them. So yes, I do feel like friend/girlfriend/mother/counsellor to him.
:hugonAllison:hugoff He isn't a bad guy. He's usually a sweetheart. Just not a sweetheart that I can do this with anymore. That's what makes it so hard to deside what to do. If he was a creep then I would know exactly what to do.
:hugonMegan:hugoff I know I'm not the only one going through this, but it's still hard. Good luck sweety.