Punishment for having an ED??

[TearsFalling]

Hey everyone,

The holidays are right around the corner and this year seems that it will be different. I always go visit friends in my home state, which is about a days drive away. This year, my friend who I would be staying with (and also funding my trip) told me that she is not letting me come up because besides being a bad influence on her daughter at the dinner table, I do not deserve a reward for my behavior. So now I am being punished for my behavior-- something I am having trouble controlling, but in her eyes something I can control.

Has anyone ever had something similar happen to them? "Punished for ED?"

Comments?

[ducksquack]

Your friend said some pretty tough stuff.

I can understand somewhat that she is concerned
about her daughter however her reward / punishment
comment is totally unfair and unreasonable in my
opinion. Many dont understand EDs and your friend
would perhaps fall into that category.

I am not sure what to say in reply to her comments.

I would be shocked and not real happy with what
she said.

god bless.

[crazystardust]

I think it's very unfair what your "friend" said.

But in one aspect she is right: You can control it. Nobody else can do the work for you and recovery means hard work. We are the only ones who can change our own behaviour.

Still I do not agree with the way your friend said this to you.

Can you talk to her on the telephone to find out if she really meant it like she said? If she is a real friend she will challenge you, but support you at the same time.

[nc]

I think she phrased it badly but I think she was simply setting a healthy boundary for her and her family. It is not a reward/punishment thing but one of choice/consequences.

I don't know where you are in recovery, for instance are you currently seeing a T and learning new coping skills along with working on the underlying reasons for your ED? But once we become aware of our ED then we become responsible for how we deal with. Yes, it can be hard and it can be hard to control behaviors but it is those tough challenges that get us to further down the road to recovery.

Your friend had to choose between you and her family and she chose her family. I am sure it was not an easy thing to do. But if you were engaging in behaviors at her home and at her dinner table (meaning not eating well, picking at your food, etc.) then she had no choice but to set a healthy boundary.

The challenge for you is are you going to use this to fall deeper into the ED or push you closer to recovery?

[TearsFalling]

Things have now changed. My friend is talking with my father about me going on vacation to see my friend and my niece. Since I have had a drastic drop in wieght again, I am not so sure that I will be able to go. This is just a quick update and I will write more later. Also, I have been diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder. A lot of new things happening. Tryin to deal.