confused

[happytoez]

I know I'm posting a lot, but my computer at home won't let me post, and I've really been needing to, so I guess I'm just kind of going for it...I hope it's not too much :shy

I'm so confused about the ed stuff. How can I deal with it if I don't even know that I have one?
:trigger
I haven't p'd in while, and even when I do, it's not because I b'd, and I never throw up everything ...I tried restricting, but I'm not really any good at it. Although lately I've been on a "liquid only" thing (not completely successful)...(I hope that was okay to write. Sorry if it's taken out). Eek...is this bad? Do I have any reason to be concerned? It's not like it's really affecting my health, but sometimes I think my head is going nuts :ugh. But then I wonder if I'm just overreacting...making a mountain out of a mole hill. I'm always second guessing myself. I'm so tired of doing that :mad. And I really needed to vent, but it also bothers me that I wrote all this because it seems so negative and self-pitying.
I try to eat normally, but it always feels like it has to be "all or nothing". I fairly new at this whole ed thing, so I don't know what to think (at least, I'm new at being aware of it).
And, (more venting) I'm going out to coffee today with my friend. Actually, he's my ex-boyfriend. This could be kind of wierd, because he was the first one to know about the ed and SI stuff...we don't really talk about it, but he knows that I haven't been one-hundred % okay lately. I can't decide what I want to tell him. How much do I want him to know about what's going on right now? I haven't seen him all year because we're going to school in different states, so he's been out of the loop. Do I want to bring him back in? I don't think so, but I'm afraid that when we start talking, it will just all come out. Okay, I'm sorry that I wrote so much. I think most of it was written for me. :cheesy
Anyhow, if there are any thoughts, I'd really appreciate them. Anything about ed's...or lack of...

:sun happytoez :sun

[*star]

:hugonhappytoez:hugoff
you said its hard to deal with it cuz you dont know if you have an ed. but then you mentioned purging, restricting, liquid diet..... im not a doctor or anything, but i think you do have an ed. why else would you be here if you didnt want help for it? and it probably IS affecting your health, even if you dont think so. about your friend, i hope he's a person you trust enough to tell all this stuff to. it really helps if someone knows and is able to help you get your emotions and stuff out. im worried about you! take care of yourself ok? i :love you!

[emma lucy]

:hugon happytoez :hugoff

A liquid diet is not the normal way for someone to intake energy. It may not be affecting your health at the moment but these behaviours have a way of catching up with us :sad

I hope that you can find the courage to speak to someone about your fears.

:edbgone