aftermath of illness

[ChatNoir]

Hello :fishy ies

It feels like a really long time since I've been around. *sigh* So much has been going on - up and down.

:trigger - feelings about eating again

Anyway, the issue at hand is this - all last week I had some sort of flu or gastro-intestinal infection (or some combination of them). Point is, out of "legitimate" illness I couldn't eat much at all. I know it wasn't healthy - I blacked out twice during the week (yes I went to the school doctor's office - they didn't do anything but give me an excuse to get an extension on a paper). It was no fun to have no energy and feel bad and all, but now . . . I lost weight from it all, plain and simple. Ballet class last night went well and I felt skinny, and part of me links those together. Because I noticed my own weight loss, I felt more confident, stood up straighter, etc, so that I turned and balanced better and so forth. Then I had a costume fitting for the Nutcracker (coming up in a week and a half). Now they don't have to add another panel to the back of my dress, and they even have to take in part of the bodice (not all because of my chest). {side note: all the costume ladies' comments on how small my waist is, etc really inflates my poor little ego - it's attention, compliments, for me . . .little unnoticeable me} But I digress. Basically, I'm getting such positive reinforcement that part of me is wanting to, I don't know, keep it up? just until Nutcracker. you can't put it back on - your costume wouldn't fit. stage lights and poofy tutus aren't flattering to begin with, esp on you. . .would you eat that if you were sick? no, then don't eat it now. I've tried to eat well the past couple days (under the watchful eyes of the few people who know about the blackouts). And now I feel bloated and gross. Doesn't help that it's PMS time either. The bloating and wild hormones only back up the inclination to restrict like all get out. I didn't even have to work out while I was sick. . .

Any ideas how to resist the oh SO strong temptation? It's so much stronger than me . . .

:love
:kitty

[cjsmiley]

I wish I could offer some advice as to how to not let the "compliments" affect us.

:trigger - just want to be safe; lots of stuff....

I was at the pool this morning - haven't been in a long time b/c of so much work. Anyhow, I saw one of my previous instructors. She was telling me how great I looked - I had lost a lot of weight; was I on a program?? etc., etc., etc.!

I have also been rather sick lately. I don't know what it is, but I have a couple of bouts of diarrhea (yuck!) everyday. I know that that adds to the weight coming off, because I don't think much food is staying in me.

In less than a week, though, I have had three people comment that I have lost weight. What do I do with these comments? It's not like I'm about to say, "Oh,yeah, I have an eating disorder" And, what about the question, "Were you trying to lose weight?" How the heck am I to respond to that? And, when people say that I look really really good, does that not just really encourage the ed?

I suppose that the ed is just having a hayday with all of the "encouragement". But, how do you tell people, "I really don't think you should be saying that..."? When they think you look good, it's almost *proof* that you're not sick - it just reinforces what the ed is trying to tell you.

I find, though, that I am almost a bit timid of people making comments such as those. Probably because I don't know how to respond.

That's really cool that you're doing the Nutcracker. I saw it a couple of years ago and really loved it. I hope you have fun doing it!

~cjsmiley