and so the appointment is confrimed...

[spoks]

:redflag :redflag

in truth i am one of the lucky ones...my counselling refferal has come through and next friday i will be spending plenty of mins with a women who i do not know but want to be honest with...

i have had problems eating for years and as i have got older they have increased in serveity and intensity...but with my habits i have always kept them totally secret...a common side effect of ed's i believe...

i just do not know where to start with her...part of me wants to say "help" and the other part says "do not tell her anything".

one hour that can potentially change my life...for the better (?) and i can't stop myself from feeling like i want to lie...:sad where all i want to do is say help me please...

sometimes it is so hard...

xxx

[thisvelvetglove]

it is hard sometimes, I know that it'll get better for you. I say go with your side screaming "help!". These people are there to help you, and are more than willing; please let them have that chance.
:gimmehug

[Idara]

I totally feel you spoks. I have an orientation for mental health and then will have my very own T. But I feel like either saying "help" and then telling her I will totally be unable to follow the instructions, or to pretend I have fixed everything on my own:confused

We can both be honest, tho, and both get the help we need:challenge :edbgone:ican

[rollergirl]

Congrats on getting a T! thats great.

It'll take time to feel comfortable and develop and understanding relationship with your T and it will get easier. It took me a month to upon up to my T. I just was saying what he wanted to hear.

The part of you that wants to keep secrets isn't you talking. It's your ED. OF course it'll want you to lie and hide your ED but thats not a part of recovery. Your ED wants you to lie, not your authentic self. Thats one thing I have learned in T. Is to recognize the difference between you and your authentic self.

I hope your authentic self knows that for getting help, lying and decieving won't help.

I know how you are feeling, recovery can be scary but it'll definitely be worth it in the long run!

Good luck and keep us posted
:happy

[NoLongerAChild]

So I saw a school T for awhile...and omg it was the hardest thing of my life...ever.

I wish I could have said more things...or literally just help me out of this...or something along the lines of that. But I couldn't. Now I just sit here back at square ****.

What I think might help is writing down what it is you want to say...because OMG it is so incredibly hard to actually vocalize what you want to say in your head. If you have it written down atleast you'll have it all there. Worst case scenario, give the T what you wrote.

I know what you mean when you say, "I want to say HELP, but no..." I personally feel like if I say "Help" I'm being overly dramatic. I also feel like a fake saying "Help" especially when I eat! It's almost like your telling yourself these different things in your head: "Well you know what...I'm not super skinny, I eat about x amount of calories a day, I don't "abuse" laxatives or diuretics, etc..." which make you think that it's ridiculous to ask for help, but at the same time you have moments when you are screaming in your head because you want to eat pizza or a hamburger or a milkshake so bad, but you just can't get yourself to eat it...and it's driving you nuts. So confusing...I don't get it.:wacky

I say utilize your T sessions to the fullest. I kind of wish I did more. Now I'm trying to look for a T who works on a sliding scale, but it's been hard. I can't find anything that I can afford more than once a month. Eh...

[spoks]

Thank you all

thisvelvetglove: You are so very right I will ensure not too let the ed talk me out of asking for help, nineteen years I have been battling and I know this is literally my only chance to ask for help...now or never! x

idara: I agree that being honest is one of the most difficult things to do, it is much easier to say you are fine and have fixed things alone...but in truth we would be lying to ourselves and it will only be us who suffer...so here's to being honest *raises glass of water* cheers and good luck to you hun, if i can do you can too x

rollergirl: You are very right the ed does want to hide and lie...but for too long it has done this and i want to try and recover, have a day free of all the anxities around food, learn to relax and hopefully learn to love this body instead of hurting it...I am worried about trusting this lady but this is my only chance and I must do it...x

No longer a child: That is a really great idea, writing things down, as I am awful for vocalising my thoughts. As for seeing your T in school, although it was the hardest thing you ever did it is the greatest and takes courage, we aren't always able to take full advantage of some opportunities but restassured you said what you could at that time and I believe you will be able to again. Again I agree about feeling dramatic and forme I feel like fraud as I look fine, nothing ill looking or eating disorder about my psyhical apperance. And your thoughts reflect exactly what goes on in my mind all the time!
Good luck finding a T you deserve to heal hun x