Jumped off, but getting back with help from fellow fishies.

[hendrickgirl]

:redflag Had a couple of b/p episodes today in the afternoon... I did not come to bowl for help nor did I color (sounds funny but it so helps me ride the wave) rather the wave hit me and I dove right on in. No excuses no nothing.

However, My hope nine days ago was to:
:bluefishy quit this cold turkey
:bluefishy get some therapy
:bluefishy get on with life.

As of now I am:
:pinkfishy getting therapy
:pinkfishy meds for anxiety (if you had told me this one a week ago I would have laughed!
:pinkfishyspending alot of time doing cognitive behavior therapy work


:confusedbut the quit the b/p cold turkey obviously .... hum .... how do I say this, is harder than I thought it would be.

I had (have) this idea that if I built up all these defenses, did the right things, said the right prayers, found good coping mechanisms, stayed home from work to "work on me" that the b/p waves could be surfed and conquered forever and always. Hum ... maybe not.

I do not want today's behaviors to define tommorow and I do not want to feel weak, but I also do not want to set perfectionistic standards for myself... oh what to do my fellow fishies?

[KelliRae]

It sounds like you have made major steps in order to take care of yourself! That is awesome!
I am glad to hear that you have started therapy and a med for anxiety. Once the anxiety lifts a bit you will be more at ease and comfortable tackling painful stuff.
Set realistic goals for your sobriety. If you are having a bad day, don't sweat it. Look at how the day went, think about what was going on with you emotionally when you decided to engage in the ED, and work on tomorrow. Take this one day at a time. It makes it alot easier.
You will have ups and downs in recovery. But it is all part of the process. Don't beat yourself up about it. Learn from it.
I AM:sun
Kelli