View Full Version : My boyfriend weighs less than me, and I'm not sure I can handle it.
11-22-2007, 11:41 AM
Okay, so, I've kind of had this problem before in an online relationship, and I've had a really hard time being heavier than him. Now that I have this problem again with my boyfriend (not online). It's only a XXXXX pound difference, but I still feel huge compared to him, and I really don't want this to get in the way of our relationship.
I just started getting used to the idea that I'm balanced at the weight I am now, and I was just starting to think I was beautiful. Now, I always knew he weighed close to the same as me, but when I found out the actual number, I kinda freaked out.
I really want to lose the weight to be the same as he is, but I also know that I can't do that without risking a relapse, and I've been doing SO WELL lately.
So I feel kinda stuck. Instead of trying to lose the weight, I'd like to deal with the psychological issue, and still work on showing myself that I'm beautiful just as I am, but I don't know how to do all that.
Can anyone help, or offer suggestions?
11-22-2007, 12:50 PM
A lot of men weigh less than their partner. What does that mean to you? There's no rule that you must weigh less. It's what meaning you assign to this that counts.
11-22-2007, 12:52 PM
I don't know what it means to me... I don't get what you're asking.
11-22-2007, 12:58 PM
Ok, let me put it this way: Why does it matter who weighs more?
11-22-2007, 01:10 PM
My best friend weighs more than her husband. Her wedding ring size is larger than his too. She is a very solidly confident person inside and out that such difference doesn't affect her a bit. Granted, she doesn't have ED or other psych issues but she tells me that beauty and self esteem come from within. I know it sounds corny but I must agree with her. I understand your concern but I bet losing those pounds of difference will not boost your self confidence or sense of your beauty.
11-22-2007, 03:27 PM
My boyfriend used to weigh the same as I do now (he was too thin though), and I think it freaked me out a little because I wanted to be the fragile little female in the relationship.
Now I have come to terms with it a bit (although he now weighs more than I do)...I think knowing that that's his build, that's who he is helps. Also looking at our family genes and bone frame size in our family too. And feeling more comfortable with who I am and what I look like.
There are so many more physical and mental aspects to this...like weight and muscle ratio, and the whole view of women needing to be more fragile or whatever.
I encourage you to dig a little deeper and think about why, really, this is a problem for you. Do you think he will reject you or think that you are "fat" if you weigh more than him? Do you feel that way about yourself - are you rejecting yourself or calling yourself "fat"?
11-23-2007, 02:25 PM
I feel really embarrassed about this now...
I gave it some serious thought, and I found that I never had a problem with his weight and my weighing more than him before, so I tried figuring out why it was such a problem now. I really have no idea why I didn't think of it before, but it only occurred to me after I stopped crying and freaking out.
I'm on my period, and as soon as the mood swing passed, I was smiling and laughing all over the place again.
So I don't really think it's actually a problem anymore, just me being up and down in my moods because of hormones. Things like this have happened before, and it never clicks that I'm on my period (even though it's painfully obvious) until after the tantrum's all over.
Thanks for helping, though. =D
11-24-2007, 12:44 AM
:hugon Jezzemii :hugoff
No need to feel embarrassed at all. Mood changes constantly :sad :mad :supergrin :ugh :muhaha :cry :reallymad but I think every mood has a meaning. We don't need to obsess about them but we also don't have to ignore them. I'm glad you reached out to us when you were feeling distressed.
I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place right now. Thanks for checking in with us. :lubdub
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