View Full Version : How do you honor someone's memory?

09-08-2007, 07:48 PM
Tonight is the sixteenth anniversary of the death of one of my friends. She died at age eighteen in a horrible, tragic car fire. I can't even talk about it right now. Every year, actually every time I think of her, I get so upset. . And one of the ways I seem to remember _____ is by crying for her to keep her "alive". But she wouldn't want that, would she.... she was happy, lively. Not tearful. The last time I saw her, in fact, she was laughing.:angel

Her death changed me in so many ways. It changed my whole life. I had several friends die that same year by suicide or accidents, but hers affected me the most.

This year (tonight) I got one of those cement-mix garden stones with the stained glass, kits, to make for her, to put next to my rose bushes. I am going to decorate it here in just a little bit.

i am also trying to think of other ways. and wondering if anyone has ideas.

i miss her so much. so many hard memories inside right now. this has been a hard week, because of other things too, and i want so much to NOT fall apart tonight. I am hoping to talk to my sister tonight (her birthday is tomorrow) and one of my friends later, and see if that helps.

09-08-2007, 10:32 PM
:hugon butterflybeliever :hugoff

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. How wonderful it is to hear that you are keeping her memory alive. I love the stepping stone idea, and may have to do something like that myself in honor of my mother who died for years ago on august thirtieth.

There are a few things that I do to keep my mom in my thoughts. On anniversaries and birthdays, I like to do something that my mom and I loved doing together. Sometimes that's gardening, sometimes that's hiking, a movie we both loved--those kinds of things. Sometimes I'll light a candle, or put some flowers out in her honor. For me, I have a hard time talking about my mom's death and acknowledging important dates with those around me (it's too painful), so I like to do things that are subtle and have meaning to me, but aren't blatant. I'll wear a piece of her jewelry, or something that she gave to me. And when things are really tough, I'll read the letter she wrote me a few weeks before she died.

I'm not sure what these things would look like for you in honor of your friend--maybe going to a spot that's quiet and allows you to think about her. Maybe looking through pictures, or wearing her favorite color. The important thing is that it has meaning to you and that it allows you to keep her in your heart and mind.

And again, thank you for the stepping stone idea....it's a beautiful thought.

Take care of yourself :love

09-09-2007, 12:43 AM
One thing I just did this week was buy myself a pair of blue maryjane shoes from Lands End.
In first grade, my friend had a pair of blue shoes that I wanted so bad. Or maybe it was kindergarten.... :ummm either way, it was the seventies, and there were not a lot of kinds of shoes to pick from, and i always wore brown Buster Browns.
By my friend had blue shoes. And I was so jealous.
I have wanted a pair of blue shoes like hers ever since then.
This week I got myself a pair. They are soft and colorful, and they remind me of her.:angel

09-09-2007, 01:27 AM
I was just writing about this sort of thing in my journal. For me, honoring someone's memory means remembering their life. In our society people seem to think it's wrong to talk about someone who has died. But I want to remember and tell the stories. I want to carry on the things I've learned. Sometimes I go to places we shred, sometimes it's music, sometimes I write about the person.

If you want to tell us about your friend we are listening.