"assignment" from my t

[GardenOfSimple]

Okay... this week, my t had said that I wasn't a bad person, and I tensed all up. Almost like I was panicking or something. I do the same thing whenever someone says that I look nice and things along that line. (I've never noticed it for the looks thing before... but never for anything else...) What I'm supposed to do is journal, think about it, or something about why is so "scary" or whatever about being pretty or good.
I think its not necessarily that there's something negative about that, but more along the lines that I really cannot believe those things. I'm not sure if its something like I just don't trust them or something (that's not it, really...)...

So... I have a question: does anybody else have a similar reaction to things like that? What do you do???

[generallyinsane]

I used to tense up when ever anyone complimented me on anything. I didn't believe them! I think it takes a lot of time for people to accept compliments. I still wish I didn't have to. My friends mom told me last night about how I am looking really good. and I still tensed up about it. but I had to force myself to accept the compliment. it is just a normal thing I guess. to get nervous like that. But I think your T has the right idea. cause I would like to know why I do it too! That is actually a good activity for everyone to do.

keep smiling :happy

[happytoez]

I used to have a really hard time with compliments. Actually, a lot of the time it's still hard, but I force myself to smile and say thank you. One of the best cards I ever received was from a friend, and on the front there was all this stuff about how great I was, and that there was magic inside me, blah blah blah...basically, really hard stuff to read. But when I opened it, she had written "could you read any of those words on the front? If you could read them, could you believe them? If yes, great! If not, I'll make you a deal...I'll believe them for you, and when you're ready, you can get them from me."
I thought, "how did she know?" But it didn't matter. Just knowing that someone believed all those things about me, even if I couldn't, really helped. I don't know why it's so hard to believe that we're fantastic, but I know all too well that it is. But I think this bulletin board is like the card...It seems to me that all the :fishy 's believe great things about everyone. Not every :fishy here could be wrong...so pick out some compliments you can handle, and work your way up...just a thought. I think this got way off track from your original post...sorry...
But I hope it helps in some small, odd, way. :sarcasm

:sun happytoez :sun

[GardenOfSimple]

That's so cool. What a neat thing to get from a friend... So your insecurities must have been obivious to others, huh??? But, I CAN handle SOME compliments... but I just tense up and take a breath and maybe close my eyes and have "fear" spelled out across my face when i hear those two things... oh well... maybe its that i feel like i'm being mocked or something... i dunno... still trying to figure it out, but haven't gotten anywhere when i tried writing about it... figure i'll get back to it later...
oh well...
~Jamie

[Sasha]

Hi Gymnast,

usually if someone pays me a compliment I blow it off. Or i make fun out of it or find some "but" because the notion of accepting that i might not be this bad and awful person who is a total failure is hard for me to comprehend.

My T has challenged me to accept her statement that she likes me instead of finding a reason to believe she's lying. It is a similar thing.

If a guy says i'm pretty or something - then I definitely tense. I guess cos the only guys that have said that have abused me in some ways or just wanted to take me home for sex. I only have negative connotations with those words. So now i need to learn some new ones. I think that what you write for your T, if you do the assignment wholeheartedly will contain much of your problems hidden inside.

[GardenOfSimple]

I posted my "findings" in a thread named "I DID IT!" if you'd like to read...

[dusty]

Hey Jamie, it's good to see you again!

I know exactly what you mean. I get so embarrassed whenever anyone pays me the slightest little compliment. I go bright red and have to change the subject quickly. My T picked up on this and wanted to do some work on me gaining a more positive attitude towards myself. I told her i couldn't talk about the way i feel about my body yet, so we compromised and are trying to work on my attitude towards my self as a whole, which is still cringeingly difficult.

Anyway, all i can suggest is to take it in small steps and always say thankyou when someone pays you a compliment, otherwise you are just throwing it back in their face. It DOES get easier to accept compliments!

Here's a practice one........I think you are a very supportive and encouraging influence in the :bowl and i am glad i know you.

see.............that wasn't so hard was it?

Take care sweetiepie
:love Becca

[HippieChick]

I have never known how to take a compliment. My boyfriend tells me I'm beautiful and I tell him I'm not.

For me maybe it's because I have such low self esteem and feel so ugly on the inside that I figure I'm equally as ugly on the outside.

On the other hand when I'm having a good day I start thinking I look pretty. I sometimes see what others say to me. Unfortunately that's not often.

:love Adrienne