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lima
11-10-2001, 09:45 AM
:gimmehug :bowl :gimmehug

This is the first time I come to this part of the :bowl. Relationships are very very :scared and hard for me. Well, I really need some advice and someone to :challenge my way of thinking.

Last night I went out on a date w/ two other couples. It was our first date and I went w/ one of the girls that works in my building. My date was her older brother. We went out to the "clubbing scene" but we kinda went to a couple of different places at first.

Before we left work, I started getting super anxious and very :scared and petrified, I left my T a voicemail about how I was feeling.... I was ok at first, we went out and had a couple of drinks and we were all talking and socializing. Then we went to this club and started dancing, I started feeling really insecure and was in the verge of tears. We left and went to another club and I was really about to have a panic attack and I wanted to go home and to hold on to my security blanket, but I did not drive my car :mad.
I was obsessing and thinking way too much and I started having some flashbacks and I became more :scared. I just wanted to take a cab and go home. He would grab my hand while we were dancing or hold on to my waist and I felt so disgusted, so ashamed of me and did not want him :touch me in any way at all.
Finally we went home and I was so :scared that he would :kiss me goodnight but I did not allow for that to happen...

Enough rambling, I am twenty four and I have a hard time socializing especially w/ males. I get too :scared and anxious. I know a lot of it has to do b/c I am starting to talk about the abuse issues w/ my t and we just started two months ago. Does it ever get easier? Will I be able to trust men? Will I be able to have good judgement and believe that not all men are assholes?? Will I allow someone to :love me one day and respect me?

I know this is long and cofusing, but my head is :spin so much b/c I have so many thoughts going bazooks right now. I guess I just want some :challenges and to hear that it is possible and I am not alone. Thanks.

Petitebrat
11-11-2001, 07:50 PM
:hugon meli :hugoff
I'm so sorry you had such a rough time last night. I understand ow you felt. I feel the same day everytime I go on a date. I break up with who ever I'm with if we ever start dating because I am so scared, not of the relationship itself, or of getting hurt, but of the physical part, even kissing. I wish I could tell you some great way to get over this, but I don't know. Be sure to talk to your T about it when you see her okay. I :love you

Amanda

nla-one
11-12-2001, 04:30 AM
OH, I feel the exact same way! :ugh I'm afraid of intimacy too, and that's why i avoid guys altogether. i cant even be around guys, even if there just friends because im so :scared of guys. :hugon meli :hugoff and :hugon amanda :hugoff, i think that someday well be able to trust guys again. we just have to work at our issues . :winky

LadyS
11-15-2001, 04:26 PM
Oh sweetie,

i used to have the same problems. For me, it was just a matter of relaxing a little. Next time you are on a date. and he holds your hand, close your eyes and think about how good it feels to have someone's warm hand holding onto yours. Next time he puts his arm around your waist, close your eyes and think about how safe you feel and how wonderful it feels to have someone's body next to yours. And, if someone kisses you, close your eyes and enjoy the sheer bliss.
I know it's easier said than done, i've been there. But just try and RELAX. Don't get so worked up about little things. Someday soon you'll meet that one guy who will make you melt and until then, relax and enjoy.

Rarebloom
11-15-2001, 04:54 PM
:hugon Lima :hugoff ,
It seems like forever ever since I have posted on the board and this is my first time under this topis, zo first of all, nice to "meet" you. My :love goes out to you after reading you letter. I could relate to so many aspects of it, as I have had much difficulty in trusting males and being uncomfortable in social situations with them for a long time. If you don't mind discussing it, do you know what lead up to this fear? I''m also curious as to the feedback you T gave you.
I wish you knew how proud I am of you for taking the steps to even go out. Yopu DID get through the nite and that is something to be very proud of :stars :Balloons :stars You are not alone, Sweetie and yes, I believe in time, it does get better

Take care of yourself! :rainbow

:love
Rarebloom

lima
11-16-2001, 07:58 AM
:stars Amanda :stars Becks :stars
I do think that one day we will be able to trust men, but we must first learn to trust ourselves and feel comfortable in our own skin before we allow others to get intimate w/ us.
:sun LadyS :sun
It seems so easy, but thank you for the advice. I will really try doing it b/c it does seem like it is worth a try. Besides, you are totally right, one day I will meet one guy that I will feel comfy w/, but I have to allow for that to happen and I have to give it a risk and a chance :challenge.
:hairy Rarebloom :hairy
To answer your questions, I was very frightened b/c of the issues w/ my history of s/abuse. I just started breaking the wall w/ my T about this and it has only been two months that we are talking about it, so I am not ready for dating right now. I was also very emotional that night b/c my mom had just gotten operated the night before and we didn't know the results of her cyst (negative thank God), Looking back, I was w/ people that I did not know, they did not know about the eating disorder, they were not really my type of friends, and I was very emotional b/c of everything that was going on.
I do feel more comfortable if I go out on a date w/ someone that I already know or if I go out w/ someone that really knows that someone and they are all part of the same group of friends that I hang out w/.
Thanks everyone.....
Safe and warm hugs

CharismaMarie
11-18-2001, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by lima


:gimmehug :bowl :gimmehug

This is the first time I come to this part of the :bowl. Relationships are very very :scared and hard for me. Well, I really need some advice and someone to :challenge my way of thinking.

Last night I went out on a date w/ two other couples. It was our first date and I went w/ one of the girls that works in my building. My date was her older brother. We went out to the "clubbing scene" but we kinda went to a couple of different places at first.

Before we left work, I started getting super anxious and very :scared and petrified, I left my T a voicemail about how I was feeling.... I was ok at first, we went out and had a couple of drinks and we were all talking and socializing. Then we went to this club and started dancing, I started feeling really insecure and was in the verge of tears. We left and went to another club and I was really about to have a panic attack and I wanted to go home and to hold on to my security blanket, but I did not drive my car :mad.
I was obsessing and thinking way too much and I started having some flashbacks and I became more :scared. I just wanted to take a cab and go home. He would grab my hand while we were dancing or hold on to my waist and I felt so disgusted, so ashamed of me and did not want him :touch me in any way at all.
Finally we went home and I was so :scared that he would :kiss me goodnight but I did not allow for that to happen...

Enough rambling, I am twenty four and I have a hard time socializing especially w/ males. I get too :scared and anxious. I know a lot of it has to do b/c I am starting to talk about the abuse issues w/ my t and we just started two months ago. Does it ever get easier? Will I be able to trust men? Will I be able to have good judgement and believe that not all men are assholes?? Will I allow someone to :love me one day and respect me?

I know this is long and cofusing, but my head is :spin so much b/c I have so many thoughts going bazooks right now. I guess I just want some :challenges and to hear that it is possible and I am not alone. Thanks.

CharismaMarie
11-18-2001, 10:31 PM
Hi...This is my first time posting here and I just want to say that I can completely relate to your situation. I am ******** years old and have experienced the exact same type of occurences more than once. While I enjoy dating at the beginning, the longer I am 'with' one person the more uneasy I become as I have a terrible fear of any type of physical relationship. I too am trying desperately to uncover the cause of these fears, as they are depriving me of any type of serious relationship with someone.
I just wanted you to know that I understand your feelings and that you are not alone and that I found one thing that helps me is to simply take a deep breath and try to seperate the situation from the fear. Often just weighing consequences has helped me as well, if I continue to run away from all types of physical intimacy I may never find the kind of wonderful relationship that I feel I do deserve :) Hang in there sweetie!

lima
11-19-2001, 06:22 AM
Charisma,
Thank you for your support. I will try to conquer the fears and to weigh the situation next time. You have given me some positive ideas! Thanks again, and Welcome to the :bowl :grin