shavuot

[sgrrl]

shavuot equals cheesecake and two plus days of eating. at least its not passover and sukkot which is eight days but still im a bit nervous since i've been having urges lately(but not acting on them). i'm going w dad and family to a hotel where there is always food and it will be so easy to binge and purge...
anyone else nervous?
any suggestions?

[meor]

Definitely also nervous. I hate Yom Tov b/c of the food which makes me a bit :sad Honestly a holiday centred around cheesecake has got to be the worst thing imaginable for someone with an ed.
Are there things that you can do that will keep you occupied away from the food most of the time? (speeches, or people to visit)

[sgrrl]

i guess i can go to speeches and hang out w my baby sis. but the thought of needing to "get dressed" and be around food for two plus days is making my head spin. i'm really getting nervous.

[meor]

I'm also flipping out a little. I'm hoping I'll be away w/ a friend for the first day (we want to stay up all night learning :bounce ) so it will be easier than being home around all that food. I eat more when I'm anxious, and yeah, quite anxious now. I know I might be going out motzei shavuous and I know I'll feel super huge then.
Getting dressed is good! Dosen't always feel great but I think it helps to get out and put on clothing. I like to go to shul every shabbos (I don't but I try) even though I know I'm going to spend half the time worrying about my body and feeling self concious. It gets easier when you do it. I know that going out can be a drag but its probably healthier. Are you able to work your meal plan to fit the chag?

[AmyG]

Wow, I'm not the only one with the dairy/ cheese cake jitters. I plan to go to my shul tomorrow evening and stay all night and study. There will be cheese cake and other similiar foods. I don't have to stay all night but I really want to partake in the experience. I live close by so I can go home if need be. Then there is five - thirty AM morning services on Wednesday and later in the day there will be a picnic in Riverside Park ( I live in NYC) more food. The picnic sounds like fun but the food part is uncomfortable. Pretty stupid because picnics include food. Why do holidays have to have such a focus on food? No idea what I should wear to stay up in all night?

[sgrrl]

fifty five minutes before i leave to the hotel.
yes yes its good i'll be getting dressed but no it isnt since none of my clothes fit every since i've stopped purging(and i was overweight to begin with) so i am having a mild panick attack. lol but not really.
wow amy, that sounds interesting, but yes why do all the damn holidays revolve around food? bu i guess its like that w thanksgiving and christmas etc etc...
im nerovus about being able to control myself.
i dont do the shul thing. lol im bad but.....i just dont...
amy, wear something nice but comfortable. nothing too fitted since u'll be up all night and u dont wanna feel strangled. if i saw ur closet, i'd help pick something out!:grin

[AmyG]

:hugon sgrrl :hugoff

Good luck with your stay at the hotel I am sure your clothing will look great. Try not to focus on body image and enjoy yourself - I know easier said then done. I understand the feeling i recently gained weighed I just put something on and it is much more snug then the last time I wore it. Aww, your sweet I'd love you to come help me pick out an outfit from my closet I could use the help. Enjoy the holiday.

For all - enjoy and a good Shavout to all :fishy's celebrating!

[Kikyo]

I'm not Jewish, I'm Italian which also means that every holiday revolves around food.
Hope these tips help...
go for a walk (around the hotel, check out the pool, check out the hot tub, check out the check out guy lol) after your meal to avoid "desert time"
brush your teeth after eating or chew gum
drink lots of water
and if anyone pushes cheesecake on you tell them you are lactose intolerant!
(I've used that excuse and it works! G-d forgive me for lying, but I have told people I was diabetic, had food alergies, was on medication...whatever I could come up with when a simple "no thank you" didn't work) XXXXX

[AmyG]

Well, I did it. I got to services last night at eight -thirty PM and came home this morning at seven AM. At about four AM I almost called it quits and left but then i figured I stayed so long i could hold up for a few more hours. There was food available the whole time, lot's of sweets - cheesecake, pastries, cookies, fresh fruit, veggies and dip, etc... Coffee and soft drinks also. I ate the cheese cake & danish! I ate too much! I ate because it was good, because it was there and the sugar kept me craving more.

I have gone from restricting to eating everything in site over the last three weeks. What is wrong with me and why am I doing this to myself? I know i have gained by how my clothes fit. I m not happy. I can ask my psych to weigh me when i see him tomorrow since, unlike my old therapist he doesn't weigh me every week. I want to know and at the same time I am scared to know - you understand I am sure.

I need to tell him what my eating was like last night at shul and how it's been but i am ashamed. Sounds silly but I feel like a failure.

[sgrrl]

its not silly amy, i also feel that way. i never want to tell ppl how much i ate bec i fear they'll judge me the way i judge myself. but it is so hard not to eat more when theres always so much food around you. but normal eating is sometimes eating more especially around holidays. and the amount u ate wasnt AT ALL "everything in sight." its over though, so we can all breathe a sigh of relief....lol

my shavuot was better than i expected. i went to some amazing speeches that i was inspired by and met some friend there that i didnt expect so it was cool. but the food was murderous and last night when i got home i just started crying and i never cry. i gained weight and i am just so tired and frustrated with me, my body, my self control, and the fact that i keep gaining now that i stopped purging(and i dont binge).
yes i want a good life out of my ed, and yes i experience some amazing feelings since i started recovery, but i still want to say fuck it all, i'd rather go back to my ed then be obese. i just cant deal with this anymore. at least the next holiday isnt for a while...
:cry

[meor]

Foodwise shavuos was so hard. My eating schedule was all messed up, but I other than the food I had an awesome time :grin stayed up all night learning. My T thinks things sounded good but I feel huge - and I am NEVER wrong when I think I've gained weight. I've also been gaining weight (not needed) lately and its making recovery more difficult than ever. I'm feeling torn between obsessing over food for the rest of my life and getting bigger. I'm eating a pretty normal amount (in a chaotic way) so its frustrating and :scared. My mom has been losing weight lately which is making me :wacky
And now for another day of eating..............

[AmyG]

:hugon sgrrl :hugoff



i never want to tell ppl how much i ate bec i fear they'll judge me the way i judge myself. but it is so hard not to eat more when theres always so much food around you.

Wow, what you wrote sounds like it came from me. I always think people will judge what I'm eating and how much I eat. Even at temple I was so worried that people NOTICED my food intake throughout the night. Realistically I know they were there to learn and probably could have cared less about me and my food but the feelings of insecurity are so strong. We are so hard on ourselves! When we get very little or no sleep and food is simply there it is hard not to indulge.

:happy I am glad you ended up enjoying your Shavout good for you! I am sorry that once you returned home you were so upset I fully understand that feeling. In the last month or so I have gained so much weight I don't know whats going on with me but I hate it. Still, the fact that you stopped purging is absolutely wonderful and you should be very proud of the accomplishment. :gimmehug That is a huge, huge step!

I know the feeling of wanting both - recovery, a normal, better, fuller, healthier life and then wanting the ED and being scared to death of the weight gain. Recovery isn't simple and it is painful. I want to be better but I want my old body and yet I know I can't have both and that sucks!

Keep up the not purging it may not feel good but your doing great! :stars

[annastarlet]

I am not as religious as a lot of you, but :hugon My Jewish Fishies :hugoff. I am so proud of you guys for doing well. Sometimes I step back and look at our religion and go "WHAT?!"...so much of it is about food. Its enough to confuse anyone.

[sgrrl]

amy- thanks ur right, but also the weight gain isnt good since im overweight for real. so its so frustrating. but i know i need to keep fighting bec this is better than my life with the ed.

thanks annastarlet. yes i agree, it is confusing. the meaning of the holidays sometime get so lost....

[AmyG]

:hugon sggrl :hugoff

Your so right it is much better to keep on fighting - life without the ED is far better then with the ED! Keep on moving forward you are worth it and your health and a fuller life is a whole lot better! :sun:stars

I was at a barbaque yesterday at my sister's and I know I TOTALLY over ate. I am trying to be gentle with myself today and remember that normal non - ED people over indulge on holidays and such but i feel so gross today. Yuck!:sad Still, it's better then using symptoms right? I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

:hugon annastarlet :hugoff

The meanings of holidays do get lost. Food vs. what the real meaning/ tradotions are. Yet, i think food plays into so many holidays no matter what religion. Even secular holidays. I experienced that yesterday at my sister's house. Food, food and more food! Yikes! :flower

[sgrrl]

omg yes. i just keep reminding myself of how miserable i was when i was so entrenched in my ed. even though its as hard as hell, its better than the ed

[AmyG]

:hugon sgrrl :hugoff

Even when I feel awful I keep reminding myself how much worse things could be and are when the symptoms take over. You are so right! :happy Keep up the hard work!