Eating my feelings??

[Beepers]

Today is a particularly hard day to live, and probably will always be. I feel so angry and sad and all I've done today is eat! I even licked my ice cream bowl! I haven't been able to stop til now, and that's just because I need to purge. Am I eating more than ever before because of how I'm feeling? I mean, I binge, but this is so different. I've been eating and eating and when I stop, I feel my hands shake like I need to do something. I need to eat more.

[Hopeful]

I know I've probably asked you this, but are you able to get into therapy? You're right that EDs aren't about the food...they're about the feelings which we try to bury with the ED behaviors. We stuff those feelings deep inside so that we don't have to deal with them. Food numbs out those painful emotions like sadness, loneliness, anger, stress, you-name-it. The problem with burying those feelings is that ED takes over and gets worse and worse the more those feelings build up. Does that make sense? It sounds like you're "craving" something (but not the food). What do you think it really is? Love, attention? Those are usually a couple of the big ones we want and/or crave - regardless of age. Somewhere along the lines in growing up, we missed out on our share of that and it's a big part (at least for many people) of why we developed an ED. No amount of food will ever fill that empty "void" in your life...as I'm sure you are noticing. That void may be longing for affection and love - but you won't find it through food. I can't remember what you mentioned about therapy (old-age kicking in - lol) - but it would really benefit you if it were something you could manage. Hang in there and keep posting here. It's great that you're opening up and sharing with us -that will help you as well. :gimmehug

[classicrockergirl]

oh wow I know exactly how you feel. There are times when I literally think to myelf, "I will just let myself binge a little and then it will be over" but then after I binge I feel more emotionally drained than before and I want to eat even more. It's like all the food in the world won't change how I feel. Yet I continue to do it.

It's just like the poster above said, it's not about food.... it's yearning for something else. For me, I've discovered that it's the fact that I don't accept myself. I'm always wanting to be better, I'm never good enough for myself. I'm learning to love myself and be content with not being the best at everything. It's not easy, but I am getting better.

Feel free to contact me, I'd love to talk. *hugs*

[Beepers]

Hopeful,
I am going to my first T appointment on Wednesday. I'm not sure what I'm looking for in my b/ping. I know I have a problem with perfection... I don't know if that's the cause or just part of the ed.

[Beepers]

Classicrockergirl,
I can't email you, I keep on getting a message that it won't send.??

[schnelle]

beepers-wow i couldve written your post. i went to the store yesterday and ate every single crumb for hrs. like i had to get it out of the house. i just threw alot of money and food away and then cried. i know i am feeling so lonely and hopeless and depressed lately.
especially lonely because all my co workers have friends, bfriends, i have no one. only my mom. what is wrong w me? i fear being alone for ever.

[Beepers]

I have that same fear, Schnelle!! I am so scared that I'm going to be alone, but I don't know how to change it. I have so many brothers and sisters, but they all have friends' houses that they go to, and things that they do all the time... And me?? Well... I have friends that never call and have parties and do things without me.