the_dragonfly
06-23-2001, 02:10 AM
I've been reading here a lot about daughters and how they don't get along with their mothers, and whilst it's painful, it also sparks up memories for me that make me smile.
When i was about fourteen, i was probably at my disorders worst. My mother would make me eat breakfast. So I would eat as slowly as possibly, measure, precisely, what I ate. I would go to school and throw out her lunch. I would eat a very precise amount of food at dinner.
My mother was frustrated, she and I would yell a lot "YOU'RE ANOREXIC" "I'M NOT" and on and on and on for the next few years. I could drive her to tears, and felt vaguely annoyed when she bothered me for such things as food, or nourishments.
Now, I'm still not better, but my hair's not falling out, and I eat, at least the food she gives me. I look back now and am thoroughly surprised she didn't slap me from here to Perth. I was a selfish prat, I truely didn't care about anything but my weight. Whilst I still care, and panic about it, I have it a helluva lot more together than I ever did back then...
I regret now, a few things about that stage, most importantly how I treated her. I realise now when she yelled, it's because she was scared, and frustrated. When she bugged me to eat, it's because my hair wasn't heathly, I had baggy eyes, and looked, generally, ill.
I guess what I am trying to say is.. I know it can be frustrating for us, and we're emotional, and we cry, and that it's as if no one understand us. And I understand there are some truely horrible parents out there... but not always.. sometimes... it's because they love you.
Take care of you
When i was about fourteen, i was probably at my disorders worst. My mother would make me eat breakfast. So I would eat as slowly as possibly, measure, precisely, what I ate. I would go to school and throw out her lunch. I would eat a very precise amount of food at dinner.
My mother was frustrated, she and I would yell a lot "YOU'RE ANOREXIC" "I'M NOT" and on and on and on for the next few years. I could drive her to tears, and felt vaguely annoyed when she bothered me for such things as food, or nourishments.
Now, I'm still not better, but my hair's not falling out, and I eat, at least the food she gives me. I look back now and am thoroughly surprised she didn't slap me from here to Perth. I was a selfish prat, I truely didn't care about anything but my weight. Whilst I still care, and panic about it, I have it a helluva lot more together than I ever did back then...
I regret now, a few things about that stage, most importantly how I treated her. I realise now when she yelled, it's because she was scared, and frustrated. When she bugged me to eat, it's because my hair wasn't heathly, I had baggy eyes, and looked, generally, ill.
I guess what I am trying to say is.. I know it can be frustrating for us, and we're emotional, and we cry, and that it's as if no one understand us. And I understand there are some truely horrible parents out there... but not always.. sometimes... it's because they love you.
Take care of you