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Darrell
11-02-2001, 05:33 PM
not a good time for a sexuality crisis....

I was in bed - meant to be trying to sleep - now I'm up again, really needing .... a bit of self-belief I guess.

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggggh

I know it's fluid
I know it shouldn't matter
so why am I so muddled just now and why did I just go straight to the fridge when that muddled-ness happened.

trying to :challenge me .... c'mon brain, food ain't gonna help here - so why am I using it

I don't want to eat - it's fear not hunger - I should be able to control this......

weeping-willow
11-02-2001, 05:54 PM
:hugon Darrell :hugoff

I hear ya buddy. Going straight to the fridge is just a way of not having to think about whatever is worrying you. It's always my first reaction to any obstacle. But I just have to tell myself that I will feel worse after I have raided the fridge than I do before.
I know it's hard - but remember I am here thinking of you. I hope you get some sleep.
Take care
:ukZ xxx

Anonymous_Member006
11-02-2001, 08:50 PM
darell

BREATHE

chill girl, what's happenned?
u :scared ur straight? i can assure u ur not? :winky

no seriously :challenge
wot's going on

ur title screamed sexuality crisis then ur post screamed la la la bhavurs bhavurs bhavurs

u want me to pop over tomorrow or sunday? (well today seein as its past midnite) chat and c[_] ?
:love charley

Darrell
11-03-2001, 02:44 AM
mmmm - maybe that explains a bit of last night's madness - I wake up to the joy of menstrual torture - something my body still seems to use to seek revenge for the times I starved the hormones away :ohboy

It's strange - I think I'm scared to know myself. How can I put it - gay feels "right". And yet I get unnerved that the new me I am discovering now might all be lies - I spent a lifetime being a lie so how can I be sure I am "right" this time

:challenge - hmm - okay - just answered my own point. Maybe we can never be sure - but we can _feel_ - I'm learning happiness now. I don't need a label.

I am afraid of being loved. Afraid of the responsibilty that seems to imply - afraid of disappointing ppl. So I doubt myself I guess. It's easier.

I have the courage to be me, don't I??

:scared

I think maybe accepting my sexuality readjusted my perspectives. It did feel soooooo right, so comforting in a way to understand something inside me that had never quite clicked. And yet it also presented a host of it's own unacceptance problems - family, society [in parts - I :love the :bowl for being so accepting-ty:world!]

A solution that gave me more problems. A solution maybe I didn't want. It complicated things. It frightened me. But it felt right.

Soz - am gibbering now - I posted last night because I wanted to look beneath the sandwich in my hand to the real issues - but it all got a bit muddly

:hugoncharley:hugoff
:hugonweeping-willow:hugoff

Thanks guys - really appreciate knowing there are :ears out there

Seabiscuit
11-03-2001, 06:14 AM
:hugon Darrell :hugoff
Darrell - I hope that you are feeling better - I definitely can relate to the - feeling upset about something - umm, head for the kitchen! Its such a frustrating feeling I find and right then I feel like I am Hungry or Needy of FOOD or Water or something to fill the void within me that feels relieved by food - for me it was half a bowl of ice cream tonight - and then I was like - I really dont need this, I just am hungry and I had just got back from a big family get together - maybe the anxiety was talking more than my stomach -
I too have walked the line of am I gay or bisexual or straight and then come across all the labels - and it feels so hard to talk about to people some times - but yet it is a really important thing - and there are real needs - I have a friend who has dealt with similiar issues too and oh I wish I could give you a huge hug - life is so hard sometimes like this - I hope you feel better and hope that you know how much you're supported here in the :bowl :love -amyb

Anonymous_Member006
11-03-2001, 07:05 AM
well that explains the sarnie :ohboy the joys of womanhood, i'm gonna get off line then give ya a :beefishy in real time