Need Help Grieving "Lost Years"

[leadinglady]

moved from A/B Recovery to Grief


:pinkfishy Fishies...I could use some help...

About two weeks ago, I started reading a book about bulimia, and became so sad about all the years that this disorder has ruled my life. It wasn't just the eating disorder, it was the issues of freedom, self esteem, boundaries, giving-in, not having a "voice", self-love, etc. I was so overwhelmed with sadness, that I had a "slip"...and now I'm really afraid. These are issues that I haven't completely "embraced" yet, and now I'm afraid to approach them, for fear of a relapse. Has anyone else here grieved many lost years to their disordered "way of life"? I just want to know I'm not alone. Thank you. :love

~leadinglady~

[Freeway]

:hugon leadinglady :hugoff

You are definitely not alone. I also feel sad about my lost years especially when my depression gets worse. I've lost a huge chunk of my early and mid adulthood because of ED. (I'm forty-one :ummm) I feel sad :sad and I feel angry. :mad Very angry. :reallymad Angry at myself, angry at people who hurt me, etc... But I also know that dwelling on it won't bring those years back. I need to establish a new "way of life" from now on...

:gimmehug :gimmehug :gimmehug

Freeway :love

[wwonka]

i don't completely agree with the wasted years to the ed theories because if you examine your life you can probably still find positive things you have done despite the ed. sure there is grief attached to lost opportunities but to say all of it is wasted is to deny the positive impact you have made on people

[leadinglady]

:hugon Freeway :hugoff thank you so much for your post, because it was so good to hear from someone who could relate.

I have done some amazing things in my life, but the "wishes" of others usually took priority over my own. Perhaps that is my deepest sorrow. I now have some severe medical issues that were completely unnecessary...because I didn't say, "No", or "I need to reschedule...", or "I don't want to do that", ...At present, my life is like that of a pianist who's had her fingers crushed in an accident and will never play piano again. The person I was four years ago no longer exists. I have lived a "disordered" way of life...so now I'm trying to correct it. But grieving is definitely part of the journey. I just wanted to know I wasn't alone.

~leadinglady~