HippieChick
06-13-2001, 09:39 PM
:sad I'm in such a pit of despair right now, and I don't know how to get out. For the past month my eating disorder has resurfaced. I have drastically cut calories, and I'm trying like mad to lose weight.
Things have gotten worse in the past two weeks, because my boyfriend has left home for job training in another state. Well now my habits have gotten worse. I've sunk back into my old habits again. I thought I wasn't going to have to deal with this shit anymore because I was in recovery.
Well recovery unfortunately is gone and this monster has taken over. I've been weak and done nothing to stop it. Back in the beginning of the year when I was in therapy I thought I had everything under control. I still have not dealt with things that have happened to me in my life and now I'm paying for it again.
I sweep things under the rug hoping it will all go away. I'm confused, because this isn't how it's supposed to be. I was suppose to recover and that was it, end of story no turning back.
Half the time I don't know how I feel. Anorexia has masked what I feel and I don't feel anything at all. It's like I don't care. So what happens when Daryll gets back and notices I've lost weight. Shit is going to hit the fan. I don't want him to worry, but I know he will. Everyday I notice my clothes getting a little baggier, yet I do nothing. I stand back and let it all happen like a stupid shit.
Anyway I gotta go. I just can't think about this right now, because it makes me want to cry. I'm sure no one else care either.
Ta ta :fishy ies
Adrienne
Things have gotten worse in the past two weeks, because my boyfriend has left home for job training in another state. Well now my habits have gotten worse. I've sunk back into my old habits again. I thought I wasn't going to have to deal with this shit anymore because I was in recovery.
Well recovery unfortunately is gone and this monster has taken over. I've been weak and done nothing to stop it. Back in the beginning of the year when I was in therapy I thought I had everything under control. I still have not dealt with things that have happened to me in my life and now I'm paying for it again.
I sweep things under the rug hoping it will all go away. I'm confused, because this isn't how it's supposed to be. I was suppose to recover and that was it, end of story no turning back.
Half the time I don't know how I feel. Anorexia has masked what I feel and I don't feel anything at all. It's like I don't care. So what happens when Daryll gets back and notices I've lost weight. Shit is going to hit the fan. I don't want him to worry, but I know he will. Everyday I notice my clothes getting a little baggier, yet I do nothing. I stand back and let it all happen like a stupid shit.
Anyway I gotta go. I just can't think about this right now, because it makes me want to cry. I'm sure no one else care either.
Ta ta :fishy ies
Adrienne