Gaining, by Aimee Liu

[CeliaAfter]

Hi All,
I'm new to Something Fishy. I'd visited a few times years ago, but I never took the plunge into dialoging here. I'm so thrilled to find the Book Forum thread! Reading is one of the few things that I've found to take me out of my head. I was just on another thread, recommending a few books, and I thought I'd take a minute to post about a book that is coming out soon. I'm in a bit of a relapse and a friend in publishing visited me and brought me several books, but of the three I finished the one that really stayed with me was a book that isn't out yet. I think it will be out in the middle of february. It's called Gaining. The author is Aimee Liu. I guess she also wrote a memoir many years ago, called Solitaire, about her experience. But this book is all about recovery stories and life after recovery. I was put off by the title at first, of course, but Liu explains it rather elequently in the beginning and so many of these women's stories (she interviews many) helped me see myself and the opportunities I now have for recovery. I had ten years of recovery behind me and now a relapse for many reasons. But Liu made me feel like this new battle was actually an opportunity. To know myself better...and my family. Even my mother. I would love to be able to talk to some of you fellow readers out there about it, when it comes out. In the meantime I'm going to go find some of these other books that have been posted about. But please, let me know what you think. The book really made me want to get back to healthy community and I'm thrilled to start here, as a new fish (this would be my positive thing for today)! Looking forward to hearing from you all! Best. C.A.

[gmdevitry]

CeliaAfter,
It's so weird that I found this post just after I had been reading a bit about this book at amazon. I think I'm going to pre-order it now. I, too, am a teacher in my mid-thirties suffering from a relapse of anorexia after about ten years of recovery. I'm currently in a partial hospitalization program trying very hard to get back on track. I have been reading Life Without Ed, which also seems to be a very interesting and helpful book.
Good luck with your recovery.
Gina

[desiderata]

I read about this book awhile back. It does sound interesting. I'll have to look into it once it is published. thakns for recommendation.

Dae

[CeliaAfter]

CeliaAfter,
It's so weird that I found this post just after I had been reading a bit about this book at amazon. I think I'm going to pre-order it now. I, too, am a teacher in my mid-thirties suffering from a relapse of anorexia after about ten years of recovery. I'm currently in a partial hospitalization program trying very hard to get back on track. I have been reading Life Without Ed, which also seems to be a very interesting and helpful book.
Good luck with your recovery.
Gina

Gina,
It sounds like we have an awful lot in common! Please keep in touch and let me know if you like the book. I went looking to find out more about the author, Aimee Liu, and she has a website. is it okay to post that here? oops. just read the basic rules, looks like it isn't okay. anyway, it sounds like she's going to be doing some television interviews soon. there's something very sisterly about the tone of the book, very calming and encouraging (not triggery at all) and i'm looking forward to hearing her speak. sometimes i think ED recovery should have a kind of sponsor program, the way AA does. i guess that's why i'm finding this forum so useful too. I'm going to take another look at Life without ED on your recommendation. Best wishes :hairy and good luck to you. C.A.

[susibee]

Hey, Cecilia!

I just read an interview in Elle magazine with Aimee Liu about her new book Gaining. Wow, I was really impressed with what she had to say! And I'm definitely going to buy and read the book.

In the interview she talked about the perfectionistic personality type, the influence of genes and of personality (which itself is also influenced by genes) on the development of an ED , and she talked about how, even after gaining weight, that personality type (e.g., black and white, perfectionistic thinking, etc.) is still there for the person to deal with. (She dealt with it by turning to alcohol and B/P behaviors after she gained the weight she had lost through anorexia.)

She also talked about the trigger of loss, which resonated for me as the major trigger for my ED was my mom's death. She talked about the denial of feeling pain that often exists in the sufferer's personality type and how that gets dealt with in behaviors.

And she also talked about the healing properties of yoga and meditation, which is right up my ally too. (I began meditating in the first year of my recovery, and it's something I want to get back to. Yoga I still do -- not enough -- and love.)

Anyway, that's my summary of the interview article, and, as I said, I'm so looking forward to reading the book!

Welcome to this site, Cecilia, I think you'll find it a great place!

[FoxInSox]

I just happened upon this book in Barnes and Nobles last night!

I'm enthused to be reading it. She looks at som many influences and factors outside the odl school - white, middle class, suburban, blah, blah, blah. She moves beyond parents with high expectations.

She is, so far, looking at temperment and genetic studies. It's a blend of self-disclosure, interview recounts, and research. Some parts are slow-going, but other parts are eerie because they match my own life so well.

I'm glad to hvae a book thats looking at this from a more adult perspective, rather than the blame-the-family model, which, frankly, got old fast (to me). I'm also glad she is attempting to answer some questions that have bugged me. For example, while MANY peopel with ED's have a hx of sexual abuse, not all do, and not all people with sexual abuse hx develop ED. AND, its not enitrely correlary, either. Temperament, she says, which she purports begins in genetics.

its an interesting look at the d/o.

fox

[desiderata]

Just wanted to say that Aimee Liu shares her opinions in the Huffington Post, so some of you might be interested in reading them.

Dae

[susibee]

I finished Gaining. I didn't love it, but it did challenge me.

It's written in three sections, as Fox alluded to. The first is about the self, the second about relationships, the third about society. Liu interviewed many women (and a few men) who are middle-aged (as she is), and who mostly suffered from an eating disorder earlier in their lives. A couple had relapsed in middle age (like Liu) or had experienced an eating disorder for the first time in middle age.

The book combines the personal stories of the people she interviewed with research and expert opinion. It's a very diverse perspective. I kind of think of it like a buffet table of eating disorder theory and experience. Interestingly, one thing almost entirely absent from the buffet table is discussion of emotion and feeling and coming to terms with them in healthy ways, which is what so much of recovering from an eating disorder seems to be.

It's strange because after discussing temperment and genetics extensively, in her final chapter Liu writes, "Denial of pain, remember, is the reason we develop eating disorders." What?! It's implied through the stories of those she has interviewed, but the only other time she mentions emotion in the book is when she states the following, again, out of nowhere: "It seems to me that genetics makes the gun, and the cultural and familial environment loads it, but it takes the experience of unbearable emotion to pull the trigger." (But, then she goes on to say that off all three factors, emotion is the force we have the most control over. That is such an ED way of thinking about emotions!!)

What would have made me love the book was if I felt the author had more insight into her own recovery. I feel like it just happened to her, and she has no idea how she got there. She says she can't imagine ever going back to an eating disorder, and I believe her for some reason, but I don't understand why after reading the book, she can say that.

Overall, there was no secret to recovery presented in the book, and, on the flip side, for that I liked it. It was very real. And that was what was most challenging to me. It forced me to acknowledge the complexity and the diversity of experience, of causation, of recovery.

[FoxInSox]

I'm about two-thirds finished.

I have mixed feelings, too. As a reader, I'm not *drawn* into the book. I could easily put it down and not come back. A good author, I think, draws the reader in. I intend to finish, though. I probably will this weekend, in fact.

I think that Susibee's critique that Liu doesn't discuss actual recovery is on target; however, I don't think that was her intent or purpose. From what I'm reading, she discusses that in the first book (Solitaire or Solitue, I don't remember).

To me, it seems her purpose was to discuss WHY these people developed eating disorders, and HOW they are affect after recovery.

Unlike Susibee, I loved the quote about genetics building the gun, experiences loading it, but emotions pulling the trigger. I took her comment that we have the most control over out emotions to say: We can't do a THING about genetics, we often usually can't change our environment as children, but we always have some control over what we *do* with our emotions. It's not having them that's the problem -- its what we *do* with them that can be crazy-making or healing.

What do you think?

Fox

[Living For Horses]

I bought it today upon the recommendation of a fish I know personally on this board - I am looking forward to reading it.

I will post my review when I am finished -

[Millificent]

I loved the quote about genetics building the gun, experiences loading it, but emotions pulling the trigger.

"Genetics load the gun but environment pulls the trigger" has been used by a lot of researchers in the ED field in the last few years. I first heard it from Walt Kaye, though I've seen also it attributed to Cindy Bulik.
(Just trying to give proper credit!)

I have not read Gaining, but I was impressed to learn that Solitaire first came out in seventy-nine. Writing about the topic when most people had even never heard of it took a lot of courage.

:dragon Millie

[susibee]

Millificent,

Liu's quote is a bit different. She acknowledges the orginal quote in the book, but then says she sees it differently and adds the third component -- emotion as the thing that pulls the trigger.

Regarding the year she wrote Solitaire -- that was my thought throughout the whole book actually, because the people she interviews are all middle-aged now, so when they were at the peak of their ED as teenagers, it was in the sixties and seventies. And, God, they were uniformally, nearly totally isolated. There was definitely no SF!!

Liu is very honest about Solitaire now. She stopped restricting and gained weight, considered herself cured and wrote Solitaire, but had meanwhile started B/Ping and using alcohol. So, basically, though it was written to be a story of recovery, it wasn't really.

[Millificent]

bump! :balloons

[FoxInSox]

Thanks Millie :D

[megmeg]

I just ordered this today! I've been looking for books that deal with late ******** somethings early ******** somethings experiences with EDs because the typical teenage white middle class kid discussed in many other books is NOT my experience at all, sometimes I feel like people don't realize that people of other ethnicities can have anorexia too, I've read articles that discuss it as a white teenage issue, but nope, I'm black and ******** and it is MY issue as well.

Hmmph, didn't mean to vent so much! But hope that this book will bring an interesting perspective into things.

Meg

[ythpstr]

I bought it and read it once through kinda quickly to get a feel for it...since then I have gone back and bought a copy for my T and we are slowly going through the book. Well...in the last week or so we have stopped because of other stuff going on...but it's been great for us.

[annebear]

ythpstr,
I like your idea of reading it with your therapist. Let us know as you progress through the book--how it is going. I just checked it out from the library and will start it this evening. Take care.
Hugs,
annebear

[ythpstr]

It is going slowly...I had some issues with talking about ti which is funny because I bought him the book! But...we talked them out last week and jumped in again. I focused on page twenty two when Liu interviewed Strober and he talks about a new framework and learning to manage certain things like perfectionism. That was really helpful.

Don't ask me why I thought I could get rid of it...but I did/do. We talked about how it works for me (at times) and works to my detriment (at times). Still a lot to absorb and process...but this is going to be very helpful.

[annastarlet]

i am reading it right now and so far, find it very depressing. I am kind of overwhealmed by the fact that I may have to live with this thinking my whole life.

Although I did find it interesting to note that not everyone struggles with inner turmoil/dialogue the way we do...and I assumed everyone did.

[PinkAndGreen]

Hi! I am reading it now too, off and on, and also find it depressing and stressful to read at times! I agree that it presents a somewhat dim long-term view of confronting impulses related to eating disorder behavior, but it also makes me think that taking the time to delve into things pretty deeply at present could minimize the effects of possible future relapses (i.e., not breaking up a marriage or family in the future).

From what I've read so far, she doesn't address confronting the personality-type factors of predisposition that she describes; i.e., it makes it sound like people are stuck with their childhood anxieties and attitudes (which could have been rather isolating) forever, which is pretty bleak to consider when trying to make changes with the hope of a brighter future!

But overall, on the flip side, I find the book to be interesting in terms of putting different people's experiences into a shared framework; I think that the book is pretty educational in that respect.:love

[annastarlet]

I agree pink and green. Its just difficult as well because sometimes we can't predict things like a marriage break-up. While I'm sure no one WANTS to break-up, it may happen, a spouse may die, leave us, become abusive, etc., and its all about how we handle it. I felt that this book was like "When a traumatic event happens you'll have a relapse or basically deal with it in some other symptom substitutional way."

I am totally determined not to let that be me!

Bottom line is traumatic events happen to everyone...we'll all have to deal with a relationship break-up, death of a loved one, and sometimes worse...it doesn't have to mean a relapse.

[annebear]

Hello,
I have just finished this book and agree with FoxInSocks that it does not "draw" the reader into the book. At times I found myself putting it down to do "other things". Amiee Liu does offer several interesting and note worthy points which are scattered throughout the text. Her content focuses on a new avenue of eating disorder recovery--what happens after and how eating disorders continue to be a subtle influence in individual lives. Also, included is how each interviewed person experienced various treatment methods or lack there of, and its effects to date on their daily lives. Several well known experts are quoted throughout to support Ms. Liu's theory. It is openly discussed that little research has been done in this area and appears to be an untapped area open for further study. Hopefully, a future longitudinal study could be done to further reinforce the authors ideas. I believe that this book would be best checked out from a library and presents interesting information.

Hugs,
annebear

PS. The author does note near the end of the book that this was written as her English thesis paper.

[Aubiegirl]

I read the book last month and I think I got a lot out of it. Yes, it can be a downer at times, but for me it just emphasized why the ED is worth fighting, it's scary to see yourself in some of those women. I agree, thought that it definitely wasn't the most engaging ED book that I have read.

[annastarlet]

how interesting Annebear. I didn't know that...that makes more sense now as I read it.

[AmyG]

I hadn't seen this thread until just now! I din't even realize the book was out and I am usually pretty up on new eating disorder books. My bf actually came home with a copy of it for me which I felt was very thoughtful. I have not started it yet because I was finishing up another book.

Well, now I finished what I was reading before and I am ready to begin. I will tell you all what I think once I read it. :happy reading to all!

:bunny:gromit:bunny

[Starlightgirlie]

I just finished this book and really found it honest and a good book about eating disorders (and its aftermath). I don't know, a lot of ED books have rubbed me the wrong way, but this is one that actually didn't, which is a good thing!

[AmyG]

Glad to hear that you found it to be positive after I sign of I will start to read it!

[Starlightgirlie]

I'll be interested to hear what you think, Amy!

Hope all is well :)

[gracewillcome]

Is this book really just good for people who have dealt with anorexia? What if you dealt with BED, Bulimia, Bulimia/Anorexia together, and mainly overeating now??? Is it okay for overeaters, or is it mainly geared towards anorexia, or if I have dealt with the anorexia/bulimia I should read it? Gaining is not a step I need to take. Gaining emotionally? Yes, indeed. Physically - no. It sounds more mentally geared, though - I just want to make sure before getting it. Thank you!!!

[susibee]

This book is challenging and well researched and well written, but I think it's fair to say it focuses on anorexia and bulimia and rarely (if ever?) mentions overeating. The title I think implies gaining both physically and "emotionally."

[gracewillcome]

Thanks, susibee, for your honesty! I appreciate it!!! :) Maybe one day I'll read it anyhow, though, because of the bulimia part. I do have pictures where I know now I was WAY slim and all of that and didn't think so (in my time of bulimia and anorexia together), so it might be good to read it for that. (The pictures kind of scare me, really.) Plus, I like to read stuff pertaining to this subject in general, as well as reading things on alcoholism and other things of the sort. So, thank you!!!

[AmyG]

I recently finished "Gaining." I am glad I read it and found it insightful and a benificial read. The one negative was it was a bit dry at times. Happy reading! :cool

[specialfishy]

Do you think this book will be good for a person who has had relapse after mild relapse and is easily triggered by ED books but would love to see how the book approches different topics such as what to expect when I get older...etc?

Specialfishy

[megmeg]

I found it to be pretty dry too so far, but I've sort of given up on it for now because it isn't really drawing me in.

I would have liked this one more if she took a creative nonfiction approach to it, the author seems very distanced from the reader.

[Living For Horses]

I finished this book about two weeks ago. To be sure, there were parts which were a bit dry. However, I really liked the perspective of having the women and men she interviewed of having them in the forties, fifties and sixties - to see how their lives have been effected or changed because of their particular ED.

I also REALLY like the fact that horses were brought up not once but twice as therapy for a couple of the interviewees. :happy

Overall, I felt like the book was definitely worth the read...so much that I purchased the book "Appetites" which Liu refers to many many times in "Gaining". I will see if that is worth the read and report back.