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MariedeFrance
10-26-2001, 03:51 PM
Bonjour!

We used to have very passionate love even though I actually never reached an orgasm with him, I had a lot of pleasure and it used to feel right and like we both desired each other's bodies very much.

For the last year or so, he slowly became less and less interested in sex. I let it go too I guess because of both our busy lives.
Now I really feel that it's been hurting my body image and self confidence and sense of well being. I truly believe (my opinion, I don't mean to offend anybody) that sex is a integral part of life. God even my fifties something parents are doing it more than us twenties something!!!

When we talk about it, he is somehow blaming my body for it... And he is claiming he's just not a sexual being, doesn't need sex. What should I do??? I don't think I can live like that. And I don't want to be unfaithful to him... but I do need sex for my recovery (positive reinforcement that my body is beautiful and wonderful and pleasurable for me and others)

When he did it last time, I just felt it was rushed and very mechanical. No chance ever that I'm going reach orgasm in **** minutes!! And I'm trying to feel as much as possible but it just makes me feel more used that fulfilled or closer to him...

Any tips? What should I do? And don't answer wear sexy underwear!! (just kidding):winky !

All you Guys out there, what male button can I turn that doesn't turn only physical?

scam
10-29-2001, 10:34 AM
:hugon:hugonMarie:hugoff:hugoff

How is the marriage aside from the sexual part? Are you two having problems besides with just this? Have you asked him about his feelings and why now after having a wonderful/enjoyable sex life have his feelings changed about it? How is he is blaming YOUR body for a problem that is involving him as well...what does your body have to do with it(I mean aside from the obvious need to have your body there for sex:supergrin!!)??? I know, lots of questions:sarcasm...I'm just trying to figure out where you and he are coming from. Hopefully you'll be able to enlighten me:cheesy!

:love~~Sharon:usa

ZaoFaery
11-04-2001, 03:54 AM
Hi, hun...

I dont have any grand advice for you, I just want to tell you that I understand what you're going through.

Granted, my bf and I have only been together for eight months, but I'm in a similar situation...
Not to be blunt, but we used to have sex ALL THE TIME! :smile
And now, it feels like I'm pulling teeth just to get him to pay (physical) attntion to me.
I understand what you said about needing that physical contact for your recovery...it's really hard for us to NOT take it personaly, when it seems like the last thing they (significant others) want is our bodies! :ugh

Like, I said...I dont have much advice for you...I wish I did :sad

All I can say, is keep being honest with him, and TRY to remind yourself that it is NOT you....I know that is hard, but remember that you ARE beautiful.... :kiss

PS...you asked how to get his attention--not to be graphic, but do you have a vibrator?? It makes them jealous... :sarcasm

MariedeFrance
11-06-2001, 10:31 AM
Thank you both hugon Sharon hugoff and hugon ZaoFaery hugoff

Let me try to see if I can reply to your questions:
How is the marriage aside from the sexual part? Are you two having problems besides with just this?
We're doing ok. We are both very busy and he is traveling a lot which leaves me alone at home a little too often. I really don't want to make him and me feel that I am dependent on him...
He is a very loving and sometimes tender person. We both are not secure in our body and dealing with it differently.
I think overall we are doing not bad and still have the communication channels opened. I just wish we had more romance and time together and things together. It feels that we are drifting apart altogether.


Have you asked him about his feelings and why now after having a wonderful/enjoyable sex life have his feelings changed about it?

Yes, he knows that this part of our relationship is important to me. However, he told me frankly that he didn't need it in his life. He says he is not a sexual being... But I think that's ok as long as he doesn't just remove it completely from his life.


How is he is blaming YOUR body for a problem that is involving him as well...what does your body have to do with it(I mean aside from the obvious need to have your body there for sex:supergrin!!)???

I agree totally. When he told me this, I was really really hurt. I felt he was really unfair because we used to not care what we looked like because we just could feel :winky each other.

Here is what I tried to do already:
Explain to him that I need to feel his love that way.
Explain to him why I need this (I could probably do a little more of that)
Try to change my attitude in my head so that I feel sexy, desirable and confident and maybe he can respond to it...

All those are hard to do...

Thank you both for your questions and ideas.
:love :greenfish :love :greenfish :love :greenfish :love

felicity
11-06-2001, 08:50 PM
Bonsoir!

I wanted to welcome you to the boards. I don't post as often as I used to so I miss a lot of the new comers.


Maybe your husband feels really insecure? If you praise his performance that might help.

I hope you solve the problem soon.

polliwog
11-12-2001, 06:44 PM
:hugon :fishy :hugoff

Hello! It is my first time to this board. I was struck by something you said about your husband - He claims he is not a "sexual being" and doesn't need sex. GOD!!! I thought I was THE only woman in the WORLD with a husband that said that!!! Pardon my shouting, but I am soooo glad I am not alone. Just a brief rundown on me: I am a thirty-one year old rape survivor with an ED (the rape occurred eleven years ago - two years before I met my hubby. I am bulimiarexic and a cutter - I guess that doesn't help my situation, but he knows about all of that) Anyway, we manage to make love about twice a month if I'm lucky. It's just that every time I bring this up w/ him, he says the same thing. Or his other favorite quote "I'm pooped" (tired)

*SIGH*

Just wanted to share.

:love to you ladies!

:peace polli from the SI board :peace