View Full Version : Does he care?

10-25-2001, 11:33 PM
I asked my friend whether my anorexia makes him feel hopeless especially because my road to recovery has been quite bumpy. So i really wanted to find out about the effect my illness had on the friendship.

His response was: "It is frustrating bc it often seems like you prefer to suffer rather than get better. and sometimes i get the feeling that you feel like your odds are impossible to beat."

I was very emotional when I read this but i asked for it bc i wanted his honest opinion. I started thinking that he doesn't care or he's frustrated and i would have been better off if i didn't tel him about my Anorexia. I've been a loner...i've kept my eating disorder a secret from most of my friends bc i was scared of their reactions once they knew. I've been in and out of the hospital and most of my friends were not aware of my struggles. So finally i was opening up to this guy who was supportive and positive to me. I was surprised by his response and i'm scared of losing the friendship so i'm probably bound to be careful with what i reveal to him in the near future.

This was my reponse to his email: I can understand your frustration...and i apologize for making you feel this way...you know that was not my intention (i'll be careful next time with what i say). Also, you misunderstood me...i don't think anyone, including myself, would prefer to suffer instead of getting better. This is not as simple as take your meds and you're cured (by the way, there's no med out there that treats anorexia). Well, this IS tough and I'd be lying if i didn't say that it seems impossible. Anyway, recovery is not a linear path... you move forward.. you go back...but i'm fighting this all by myself! Thanks for your honesty though!!!

Please let me know what you think of his email response. Am i reading too much into this?All i ever wanted was to connect with someone... Feeling lonely and disconnected...Thanks for your help!

10-26-2001, 04:07 AM
Hello slj,

Ithink it is really good that you have found a friend that you can open up to, I have always found it very difficult to find a friend I could rely on to support me through the anorexia, I have found that this is because people simply cant understand the anorexic mindset, to most people it seems completly stupid and beyond belief. To other people I think it might seem sometimes that we choose to do it and could stop if we wanted to, because to them eating is not a problem and they do not experience the sorts of feelings we do! As long as you explain to him the complex process of the illness and recovery, it will help him to see that you are trying, but that like you said it is up and down! Also tell him how much you really value his support, that way he wont feel so helpless and confused!
I think all he wanted to do was to be honest with how he was feeling, so dont take it to heart too much, he seems to care about you a lot to have supported you.
It seems like he still wants to support you, even though he seems confused, have you given him any books or anytthing to read about anorexia because sometimes it is better understood if someone reads something!
I think you are really lucky to have found someone you trust, and dont let go of it because I think we need a lot of honesty from people when we are in recovery as it makes us face up more to what we are doing
Anyway, I can really relate to what you are saying, because I have felt the same about friends before,

Hope you can resolve this, and feel comfortable again.
Email me if you want, it would be great to hear from you (kateaguado@lycos.co.uk)

Love kate

10-28-2001, 03:03 PM
Thanks Kate for your response... but how can he care if he selectively responds to my emails?
for ex. i sent him an email regarding downloading a song and i found myself apologizing again by saying, "i don't want you to be frustrated and feel that you need to fix everything in my life. I think it's very kind of you to offer me a steady hand though and i really do appreciate this. I wish i could help you the same way sometime...cause friendships are two-way streets...sorry if i frustrated you...didn't mean to ...'" So he emailed me back with instructions on downloading but totally ignored (for the ****nd time) my other note. I was also very diappointed that he didn't respond to my email response where i explained to him my illness (see message board). Is he sick of me? Is he avoiding me??
Feeling a great deal of pain,