View Full Version : first love :(

10-21-2001, 04:41 PM
I'm in love with some one and i have been for over a year and a half now. I dk how to get over him. Does anyone have any ideas? this is also making me very upset with life. I feel that if i can't have the one i love, i can't have anything at all., So does anayone have any ways to get over him?As much as i dont want to, i HAVE to. To save myself.

10-22-2001, 11:30 AM
I think you should get over him as you would any breakup. First off, though, I'd like to say, that having a significant other should not be necessary to validate you as a person. You are special, you are great, you are wonderful... with or without someone special in your life.

As for 'getting over' him....nothing is going to erase him from your mind. First off, for a bit, I'd avoid being around him as often. After a breakup, I tend to 'accidentally' run into my exes... it never turns out well. Focus on yourself. Go do things that you love. Do them alone. I know this isn't the place to give this type of advice but, go out to dinner alone, go see a movie you want alone... anything... it's empowering to know you don't need someone with you to enjoy yourself.

Find someone new to crush on. It doesn't have to be serious. Just someone you find attractive. Flirt. When someone flirts with you, you feel good about yourself and you'll need that in a time like this.

Lean on your friends. I'm a loner myself, but most people have at least a small group of close friends. Hang out with them. Make 'girls night out' a normal occurrence.

Finally, and this sounds stupid... write it all down. Get your feelings out on paper. Read about it six months from now and laugh at it. You will.

Time heals all wounds.. it's true. I've suffered through many losses in my life and these are just some of the ways I've coped. I have found that through writing and spending time on me, I can see that I am a good person and will be OK by myself.

10-22-2001, 11:43 AM
This topic is probably one of the hardest. First of all, I'm not going to say you should get over him. I'm sure everyone has been telling you that, but it's not realistic. I was in a relationship for over a year, my first love. We spent every day together, he was everything to me, there for me when my parents split up, and he was the reason i started to eat again. Who knows what happened, we just both came to the conclusion that even though we were in love, it was time to move on. And what a mess I was! I'd bring out his pictures and stare at them, and remember......until i exhausted myself crying.
Two years went by. Everyone thought i was crazy, they didn't understand how i held on so long, or why. He was the one for me, I had never felt a connection with anyone as I did him. And there I sat, alone.
Then.....i fell in love. With my best friend. I realized that i was capable of loving again, and feeling joy from someone else. Now, three years after Me and my first love broke up, I still think of him, I still love him, and i will always wonder where he is and if he thinks of me. I guess I just wanted you to know that you may never get over him, that's not really the issue. What's important is moving on. You're still allowed to love him, think of him, dream of him, but try not to let it interfere with your life.
Some suggestions? Do things that complete you, make you who you are. Whether that be writing, drawing, working out, painting, whatever your passion is, focus on that, and focus on improving who you are as a person, and know that you can, and will, love again.

10-23-2001, 04:17 AM
I really know how you feel, I have split up with someone recently and feel similar feelings to you. I think is is so hard not to dwell on things, I think in a way for me it was so hard breaking up because I knew that it meant I would have to start making my own life again and branching out. I dont know the details of what the relationship was like or why you split up, but no matter how scary it is you have to move on, I have had a horrible few weeks trying to come to terms with the fact that I love someone but we just couldnt make the relationship work. That is, as I have been told, and deep down know, is just a fact of life, and the thing that has comforted me in a way is that there are so many people all over the world feeling like you, and they manage to cope and not beat themselves up over it.
I think the replies the others have given you to this post have given brilliant advice, it has made me think a lot aswell.
It is true that you need to learn to have fun on your own, take support from others and if you need to talk it out, I have gone over it over and over again these last few weeks, everyone is sick to death of it now, but they will still listen!!!
I think we need to allow ourselves to be upset and know that the feelings we have for someone are not going to go away, possibly not for a long time, but that we are going to have to accept it and see it as a positive learning experience!!!
I know it is not easy because Ive really been struggling, but on sunday I realised I had to dig myself out of this whole I was making and pick myself up particularly as I was slipping backwards with eating etc, I phoned a few people I enjoy spending time with and spent the day with them, it was really hard but I had to do it.
It is so painfully difficult but you will do it, everyone is telling me at the moment that time will heal it, and I do believe them.
I think when people feel like this all confidence goes out of the window so you need to build it up a bit.
Even though you might not think it you can be happy without someone, and you will find someone else, what I have learnt as Ive got older is that each relationship is like a building block which you learn from and improve on the next time. That is what I am keeping with me at the moment. What I think I mean is that you will find someone else in time which will be even better!!
I think if you really think about the advice thatr everyone has given you you will get through it and realise that there are so many good things waiting for you in life that are there for the taking. I know its hard but accept it then take small steps to do things and you will realise that you can move on!!
Let us know if any of this has helped!
Kate x