confused on how to approach this... or should i even approach it?

[Recovering With Hope]

Hey, in the scheme of things, this isn't a big deal but it is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. My dad re-married about **** and a half years ago and since then him and my step-mom have been INSEPARABLE. They spend every waking minute together and my **** siblings and I all notice how they kind of forget about the rest of us at times. I am so so happy for my dad that he found someone because he deserves to be happy so much and for so much of my life, he's been the best dad ever and I genuinely mean that. Part of it is just an adjustment for me because I was used to being so much closer with him than I am now. And my e.d. has brought us even farther apart. . . it started right around when they met actually, but I think there was A LOT going on in my life then and it's not just their marriage that was hard for me.

Anyway, recently I've been trying to communicate with him more about my e.d. just so he understands where I'm coming from because I know he worries. However, he always says somewhere in our conversation... "Well, Veronica and I were takling about it and we think you're doing great or we think this or we think that and we talk about it all the time even though sometimes you think that I don't care.. and we this and we that.." and I'm like ... ok well I don't know that you're talking about it and jstu because you **** talk about it... that kind of leaves me out of it when it's my issue. I'm honest with him and tell him when I make weight or when I do something good and he shares ALL this info with her. Sometimes I am better talking to men than women because I feel like women are always judging me and plus she's not even my real family. She's so sweet and such a good person but I don't think she needs to be SO involved in my recovery and plus she never talks to me about it but just gets info from him. I know that I am completely taking this personally and I always think people are judging me, but I don't know if I should say something to my dad or not about how this bothers me. Is it wrong for me to feel like this?

I feel like if I talk to him, he'd just say "well that's completely wrong of you to think that we are talking behind your back and you're paranoid, and bla bla bla and I'm not going to stop talking to my wife because we share EVERYTHING with eachother" (he's said that to me before about how no matter how much I trust him, he shares EVERYTHING with veronica). I'm kind of just confused because in a way I love veronica because she is my step-mom but in a way she is still a stranger to me... and it's not the same as just sharing info with my dad.

Another thing that bothers me is that I know she sometimes shares information with Christina (my step-sister who is my age) so I don't like feeling like it is just another topic of family gossip that will somehow be used against me or to judge me.

Let me know if I'm over reacting or what I should do!

Sorry for a long post... i had a lot to say apparently!!! It feels good jsut to get it off my chest at least.

---Lost and confused--- :sad

[Ariads]

:hugon L, :hugoff

Yeah...this is a tricky one. :gimmehug

:challenge How would you feel about talking with Veronica yourself?

Here's why I propose this. It sounds to me like there are two different things that are bothering you here: first of all, the fact that your father is sharing info about you with Veronica, who is not a biological family member, and second of all the fact that the info is getting shared behind your back.

You COULD try talking to your father in order to address the first issue. But you may be right: I'm not sure it's realistic to expect him not to share major family details like this with his wife. Especially since ED is supposed to be such a "female" problem...your dad may feel like he doesn't have access to the right perspective for understanding you unless he talks to your stepmom about it.

The second issue is definitely something you can work on, though, by bringing all this dialogue into the open. It sounds like you like Veronica. You say you have trouble confiding in women sometimes, but since she's finding out all this stuff about you anyway, couldn't she become a great source of support? Also, being able to engage with her perspective could also be a good way of responding to what she and your father discuss. Sounds like everything would be more comfortable if lines of communication between you and Veronica were more open.

What do you think? :challenge Take her aside at some point, write her a note, send her an email--propose that you have a talk or go out for coffee or something maybe? I'm sure she'd be THRILLED, since she's adjusting to your family, too, and wants to get along with you!

:love
Ariadne

[Recovering With Hope]

I've never actually thought about that. That sounds like a good idea.. but I also am scared it might make her uncomfortable and like she doesn't know what to say?

But I will definitely think about this.
:shy

[Recovering With Hope]

I emailed my step-mom and she was SO happy that I finally came to her for help and for someone to talk to. She said she felt bad for not coming to me first and that she should have opened the lines of communication. She said she feels like a child and that I'm the adult in the relationship hahaha. This made me so proud of myself for emailing her and approaching it. Thanks for your advice!!! I'm So happy for what I did.

Communication is an amazing thing because if it weren't for my email I'd still be wondering and wondering and mind-reading. Sometimes if you just talk about it, you're so much less worried and anxious. It's the wondering and cognitive distortions that get to me and make me feel bad about myself... so now I'm just going to start approaching more situations and be open minded!!! :bounce