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View Full Version : 'Boyfriend' vs 'ED' vs 'friends'


Dish
10-18-2001, 01:51 PM
:ugh ok... i have so much to say about this but so few words that can explain it.

I have been going out with my boyf for two years.... he lives in birmingham.... i live in london... and every weekend he travels down to London for the weekend without fail. This has been going on for two years now... and i'm soooo used to it. i love it ! its a time when my ed gets shoved out of my head... all all i feel in happiness. we have our ups and downs... we argue... we bitch.... but its 'normal'. i like 'normal'.... i crave it. He knows about my ed and is very supportive.... but at the end of the day... he will never understand it... and will continue to get upset that his love for me is not nough to 'cure' me.... but thats a different story.

ok i'm getting off the point... the problem is that i'm neglecting friends because i NEED to see my boyf at the weekends. They say they uderstand and its cool... but what can they say?! There is nothing that i can say to explain... its not about who i enjoy spending my time with... its what i NEED to keep me going.

Am i a bitch... cause i feel like one ?!!

Gelfling
10-18-2001, 02:30 PM
:hugon Dish :hugoff

You are one-hundred% NOT a bitch. I dated a guy for **** years and we had to do the same thing as you. He had to come see me on the weekends and I went to see him.
My current bf works nights so we only see each other on the weekends. I often feel that my friends say they don't mind, but really do. But, it is not like you are blowing off your friends.
You have a legitimate reason and I am sure they understand :happy

:love Lori

weeping-willow
10-18-2001, 03:19 PM
I have the same problem. One solution is to see your boyfriend AND see your friends at the same time. Go to the pub (or where ever) and see your friends but take your boyf along too. They will understand why you'd want to do this - and they'll be grateful that at least they're seeing some of you, even if you're not on your own, rather than none of you at all.
xxxxxxxxx

callah
10-18-2001, 04:29 PM
My two cents...

I've recently learned a very important lesson. Someone said to me, "Don't expect your spouse/boyfriend to meet a hundred percent of your needs... because they never will."

I say this in hopes that you realize that it's not too healthy to devote a hundred percent of your free time to a relationship! Trust me, there will come a point in your life, maybe a year from now, maybe ten years from now, where you will mourn the fact that you didn't nuture other friendships. Especially with other women. The *last* thing people with ED's realize is how isolated they sometimes are...throw in a codependent realtionship and you've got a recipe for disaster.

As in any relationship, friends will end up resentful and hurt if they are continually neglected. If your boyfriend truly loves you, he'll understand and support your friendships...as you will with him! Because it's healthy!

I spent eight years in a realtionship with little to no close friendships. When it ended, I realized how un-well-rounded I was, socially. I'm trying to make a concerted effort now to show my appreciation for the realtionships I do have. I don't know what I'd do without my friends, now...

In any case, I hope you find that fine line and have the courage to talk about your feelings with your boyfriend. I suggest talking with him about it...he may surprise you!

-callah

Jess B
10-25-2001, 02:09 PM
:hugon Dish :hugoff

Just because you have more fun being with your boyfriend doesn't make you a bitch. I think it's perfectly normal to want to spend all your free time with him. I also think it is healthy to maintain interests away from eachother so that your whole life is not revolved around him. That is where your friends come in.

I completely understand though. I've been blowing my friends off a bit to hang out with my new guy.

Take care,
:love Jess

MariedeFrance
10-26-2001, 02:59 PM
Bonjour!

First let me answer your question: no you're definetely not a bitch. Don't ever think about yourself like that!! As long as you're not hurting other people (like letting down your friends at a time where they REALLY need you) or yourself, you have the right to spend your time with whoever you like!! Especially if it makes you feel good and helping recovery!

However, I really agree with Callah's answer: don't completely close the door to your friends either. I kind of did that too: I'm married and I've slowly lost touch with a bunch of very good friends because I didn't feel the need to keep relationship with people when the one with my husband was so fulfilling.
But that's dangerous and unhealthy... and I'm now feeling lonely and frustrated because my husband (despite his being so loving and all that) cannot fulfill ALL my needs . For example I can't really talk to him about him, can I?!?!

Good Luck with your many fulfilling and enriching relationships!

aliss
10-30-2001, 02:01 AM
:hugon dish :hugoff

sweetie you are not a bitch !

i can relate !

my bf lives in los angeles i live in san diego. it's about a two hour drive.
he comes down about three weekends in a month, i go up the other.
of course, when we are together we rarely see other friends. we go to parties and
special events but we often prefer to have meals together
just the two of us, or sit around talking and watching movies rather
than invite people over.

i have no easy solution. i think it is expected for you to
want to spend time alone with your bf. if you can, you should try combining
activities with your bf and your friends. but realistically speaking, you will want to be alone as well.
my advice is, give yourself a break. it is not ideal that yuo don't have as
much time to spend with your friends in the weekends
but hey, at least you have a boyfriend you love, who loves you...
and that's a great thing...

:love,

a.