why do i cry?

[Trillian]

Hmm... I feel kind of embarassed writing this, :shy because I've never felt comfortable talking about sex, but it has been bothering me for a long time so here goes...

Recently (well, pretty much since the onset of my ED), whenever I reach orgasm, (always by myself, btw...) instead of feeling good, it feels like all this sadness inside me is released and I just start to cry. :cry

It used to feel good, and helped me go to sleep... now it's like opening the door to all the negative emotions I've hidden away. In fact, this is now pretty much the only time I cry, whereas I used cry all the time!

Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone can relate, and if anyone has any ideas why this happens. I don't know if it's loneliness, negative body image (like I don't deserve to feel good I guess), or what... I've never been abused or anything like that. There just seems to be this reservoir of sadness bottled up in me, and it is locked so deep inside that this is the only way to let it out.

Trillian

[Gelfling]

In a way I can relate. When I am with my bf and things are feeling good, I sometimes want to cry. I guess, I don't feel worthy of feeling pleasure?
Also, it is a release of emotions. If you are feeling sad in your life, then this is just pure raw and reality?

Take care
:love Lori

[bitkit]

Hi...


Very rarely do I post, but it happens that I was thinking those exact same things this week.

Two nights ago I was having IM sex with my ex, and I knew, just knew, right before the orgasm, that I would be sobbing at the end of it.

A similar thing started to happen to me this summer with a current boyfriend... I just started to cry during sex, which confused him deeply, and it seemed every emotion possible was being released. Truly terrifying, because it was such a loss of control.

Orgams alone do not make me cry, but afterward I do feel depressed and intensely sad.

It never used to be this way...

Perhaps our emotions are just so filled to the brim, that any experience, body mind or spirit, sends the contents pouring over.


I mention the body also that I might include my gym experiences... those endorphin-induced floods of good feeling that actually trigger intense anxiety and grief and sadness...
I want to explode in tears, but am surrounded by all these people reading coursebooks and magazines... it becomes just as isolating as when I cry during sex and my bf isn't feeling the same level of anything...


Thank you for showing me I am not alone with some of this, anyway...

Catherine

[toocute]

:ugh Please know that i am on my laptop, vacating~but i have TWO questions for certain :fishy~one, how do you have an orgasm by yourself and TWO what is IM sex~I know I do sound forward~but I have been out of the loop for quite some time~please emlighten me~because I really do not know how to respond~I am "relaxing" while my sis's have my babies and came to this post and am stumped :ugh

[bitkit]

Hi toocute....

I won't speak for trillian but I think we are referring to the same thing:

orgasm by yourself , or alone, just means masturbating yourself to orgasm. Just touching yourself until you climax. So that before, during, and after, it is only you.

Except if you are me, and have bfs who don't care, and run off to the shower after they fuck you... leaving you to masturbate yourself to orgasm all alone. argh.


By IM sex, I meant cybersex through Yahoo Instant Messenger. So, writing the sex scene pornographally out to each other, message by message. Usually both parties are masturbating at the same time, so that a mutual sexual experience is replicated with a fantasy of what would be, if you were actually together, is written out for you to follow as you masturbate.

Don't worry about sounding forward... nothing is to frank or explicit for this particular forum, I think.

Catherine

[outspoken_poet]

:trigger just to be safe-- orgasm, crying afterwards

i've had that same experience. whether alone or with other people, i've had that experience of... having a dam broken down and having an emotional release as well as a physical one at orgasm. it doesn't happen to me all the time, just when things are chaotic and my emotions are overwhelming, or when i have things in my life that are causing me pain that i don't know how to deal with. sometimes it's crying, sometimes it's just an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. either way it hurts, but sometimes it feels better once i've cried the tears all out.
it's good that other people understand, no matter how much that situation sucks. :ugh :touched :cry

~christy

[sylvie_button]

i cried this morning, with my bf. considering we'r fairly new he was veryvery kind about it. it was so crap, i had to stop what i was doing (too personal gory-detail-wise to post) and just curl up in a ball and cry.
i've never been on this site before, ive never heard of it or seen it. but i was just so relieved to know that it isnt just me, and not that mush that agony aunts try and feed you about release of emotions because you feel good. i don't feel good, i Know when i don't feel good....
I thought i was ok, I've certainly been, well, healthy instead of borderline for about a year now, and then it gets all stirred up and i wonder if i'm crazy all over again.

I so pleased that there's someone out there who knows what i mean
i wonder if anyone know...well i don't even know what i'm asking...
it's something i'l have to be able to say to my therapist...but it's still hard talking about teh really gory detail stuff...

anyway
.......

thanks for reflections

sylvie button

[sadoldme]

Ive never experienced this but i do know that orgasms are VERY powerful things!!!!!!:zoinks A close friend of mine had this happen once and bless her boyf,he shit himself and didnt know what to do!!!!

Its like that wave slowly building up...you see the wave getting bigger..higher...more powerful..till then it crashes over!
It builds up all that emotion that when you have climaxed,you are letting yourself go of all those emotions i guess and it can all come flooding out.
Dont know why,dont know how.


I can imagine it can feel quite scary.