weeks of binging

[born_beauty]

:mad Reality has hit today... I need support and I need love to overcome this.... I have been binging like none other.... I wake up happy because I get to eat but as eat through the day, it hits me that I am gaining weight and eating so much that I can barely move... :lookin It is like I leave my body and watch myself stuff myself--but no matter how physically full I am, I still am not satisfied... I know the answer is not in food but that is the only thing that I have... :zoinks

I can't help but wonder why am I hurting myself but then I think that I am just trying to cope :cry I hurt and when I am not eating, I am crying or staring at the wall from the pain. I went for monthes w/o binging but it has hit me like a ton of bricks these last monthes...

I miss him... I often cry because he didn't love me like I love him... He used me for his own pleasure, he was selfish... He knows he hurt me but he doesn't care, why??? I hurt when I wake up, when I eat, when I watch tv, when I shower, when I workout, when I sit... I hurt all the time :cry It doesn't go away... now I have gained weight so I even feel worse.. I am angry because he doesnt love me :reallymad , I am angry becasue I love him and he doesnt love me :mad , I am angry because gave myself to him and he used me :reallymad , I want him to be hurting like I hurt....

[beachbummie]

:gimmehug Born Beauty :gimmehug

There are so many times that people post on here that I know I have no brilliant words of wisdom, this is one of those times. I cannot take your pain away but I want you to know that we are here for you. We are listening and we care.

We have all been in our moments of lows, some last longer than others. Some of us can get out of them on our own, and some of us need help. Are you seeing anyone about how you are feeling? I really think that if your not you should reach out. You do not have to feel like this! I think it is good that you recognize that you are stuffing yourself to fill a void, but most importantly you see that its not filling the void.

:challenge Do you have some activities that you can do that make you happy even if its just for a little while...remove yourself from the environment that makes you binge. For me sometimes, its just taking a book and going to a cafe or a park just to read. Most times, I dont even read i just get lost in my thoughts, people watch. I cannot tell you how valuable my coping box has been to me. I have filled it with things that I like to do and when I am really feeling overwhelmed by the urge to b/p I reach in there and pull out a lifeline...another option other than b/ping.

:challenge One thing that I have been really practicing lately is being present. It sounds so simple but when you are mid binge you are not present in what is actually occuring. When you can actually recognize every single bite you are putting in your mouth it is amazing. Things just seem to slow down and become more real.

I hope I have been some sort of help to you. I know this is a long hard battle but you can do it. You have the strength to fight this. Keep your chin up and do what you can to take small steps toward recovery.