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teddyhugs
10-09-2001, 02:28 AM
Okay, before I start, I must say that I'm not sure if this topic belongs here (as it deals with my issues with present relationships) or on the Safety Board (as it also deals with rape). Since I didn't want to cross-post, if this is in the wrong place MOD fishies, please move it for me.

:trigger (it does talk of rape)


My big question: Do you lose your virginity from being raped?

My boyfriend doesn't think so and he feels that I don't have enough respect for my body by thinking otherwise. I feel guilty for not having saved my virginity for my future husband. (Not that it was my choice...but I still feel guilty...) But after he commented I started wondering if they are the same thing?

Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Vanna
10-09-2001, 09:41 AM
:hugon TeddyHugs :hugoff

NO! NO! NO! NO!

You CANNOT lose your virginity by rape. Your virginity is something you give away to the person of your choosing. . .it CANNOT be taken. Is a five year old girl who has been raped no longer able to call herself a virgin? Of course she is still a virgin.

Please do let your rapist/abuser have any more power over any other area of your life. By letting yourself believe that he took your virginity, you are giving him all the power over your past, present and future sexual experiences. . .HE DOES NOT DESERVE ANY POWER. You are/were a virgin until you DECIDE/D to have sex.

Do not let the abuser take that away from you.
You are a special, wonderful person. . .take back the power. . .it will set you free!

cjsmiley
10-09-2001, 06:29 PM
I do think that virginity is something you have to CHOOSE to lose. Sure, you can physically (as in the medical aspect) lose your virginity, but that is totally different from your emotional virginity.

Take care of YOU!

cj

SuperFurryAnimal
10-09-2001, 06:50 PM
For me, losing my virginity to someone involves me giving myself over physically and mentally. A raped person does not give themselves over in either way. Therefore that virginity remains intact.

:love

Andy.x

Chriszgirl
10-09-2001, 07:49 PM
:idea No, you have that to keep or give....NOONE can just take that away! They may take things physically, but you have your virginity t do with what you wish! Stand your ground and :yay for your beliefs! You are awsome! :love to you

teddyhugs
10-09-2001, 08:18 PM
:hugonGracey:hugoff

Thanks sweety, I had never thought of it like that before.

:hugoncjsmiley:hugoff
:hugonSuperFurryAnimal:hugoff (love the name by the way)
:hugonChriszgirl:hugoff

Thanks everyone. I think my heart agrees with you all. Thanks so much.

freddi
10-11-2001, 03:58 AM
no no no you cant use it through rape!!!!

that was a thought that i had many sleepness nights about.... :mad and i couldnt figure it out because i was putting myself on this guilt trip

BUT

sex and rape are two completely different things....for a start the first is voluntary and the second isnt....so please do believe your boyfriend in this!!!


:love

freddi

freddi
10-11-2001, 03:58 AM
my brain is fried lol

obv i meant that you cant loose it through rape!!!!

ESB
10-13-2001, 05:19 PM
I do not think that one can loose their virginity during rape. I was gang raped and I did not see that as giving up my virginity. I did not choose that situation. I think of virginity as a choice verses a physical factor. From a biological perspective, people think of a woman, not a man, loosing their virginity when the hymen breaks. On the contrary, many women hold the truth that a woman's virginity is only given. It is only given, in my perspective. The reality of someone giving consent through a yes (not of someone not giving consent through no response, a no, or elsewise) is key to the idea of saying, "I want to give you my virginity."

I have also thought about this way. The first person I want to be intimate with and am intimate with through sex/an intimate meeting of bodies/souls is someone I want/agree to have sex/ an intimate relationship/ a one night fling with. Whether the relationship works out or not is another story. Other than that it doesn't count as a loss of virginity. I just want to add that each person needs to evaluate this subject in their frame of reference. However, my opinion is that unless a person wants and agrees to have sex with another, virginity is not lost. This post is in no degree all encompassing.
:hugon teddyhugs :hugoff

IndianDaisy
10-15-2001, 12:50 AM
**insterenting topic**

I used to think that if someone was rape, your virginity was stolden from you. I used to think that a virginity is when you have never had sex or your virginity isn't borken. When it is broken, you will bleed..or so my friend said.

I thought that if your virginity bleed, then you are no longer a virgin.

Either way, sex or rape, if you bleed you lose your virginty. (sp) I think or so my friend told me. Seh also told me that being rape hurt jsut as having sex hurt.