On being on my own

[comet]

Hello :bowl

I am glad this new forum exists. I have so many issues in this area.
:bandwagon
I suppose that I have been too ill, too focussed on myself and either my problems or my recovery to have had any energy left over for a relationship.
:bandwagon
I feel now like I might be ready but I don't know where to start. I just don't meet guys. And I am scared. Scared of rejection I suppose. At least if I hide away I don't get rejected.
:bandwagon
But I feel so sad about how on my own I am. I so want to love and be loved in return. Sometimes I hurt and ache so much for this.
:bandwagon
I know that a relationship will not solve all my problems and maybe not my essential sense of alone-ness but I would like to try a relationship. Some people say to me about all the advantages there are to being single. These are usually people in relationships so that makes me mad. I think, if it is so great why aren't you single. But I do know there are advantages. I also know I don't have anything to compare it with. I want to know what it is like to be in a relationship and I so want this experience in life and to have someone to give lots of love to and be loved by....
:love :love :love :love :love :love :love :love
and sex. Have always been scared of sex but I have been doing some reading & I'm not quite so scared any more and have done a lot of personal work which has helped. Would be scary, but if I could meet someone special enough . . . .
:bandwagon
How do I meet someone. Where do I go? I do go out, but not loads. Usually go out and meet girlfriends one on one because that is how I get on with people best - one at a time. Just don't know many guys apart from ones who are attached. Sigh.
:bandwagon
I am twenty seven, twenty eight in January. Feel the more time passes the less chance I have. Sometimes I lose hope for myself. But I am so scared of being on my own forever.
And I do have a lot of love to give.
And people tell me I am pretty and attractive and stuff.
But I don't seem to attract any one.
Comet :stars
:sad
:love

[F*R*I*E*N*D]

:hugon Comet :hugoff

Just to say I know exactly how you feel I am the same. I understand the pain of wanted to be loved and wanting to love but being so scared of rejection and not knowing where to start. I know the "things will happen when you least expect it " thing that my friends tell me, but it doesn't help with the pain and upset which gets me down now and then, especially when they are all happy with their partners. I want to scream so what is wrong with me, why has this happened to me, why do I have to be the last to find someone. Thing is I don't think that there actually is any asnwers to my questions. So the only advice I can give is that it will happen one day and I'd much rather have to wait and find my perfect soulmate first time than have to struggle through relationship after relationship trying to find "the one"

Sending you :love and *hugs*

[CurlyLocks]

:hugon:starscomet:stars:hugoff
Hm, thought you might be visiting this forum!:sly Well, you know that I have very similar issues/probs in this area. I know I'm younger than you, but I'm not that young....:ohboy I'm old enough to feel abnormal, though I also am aware of just how normal we are in actual fact. I don't seem to be able to assure you of that, but it's true.

I think that we both need to meet a very special man, as we are both very special people.:winky Such men don't come along every day...But when he does I think you'll find that he's waited too. That's often how it goes. Also, marital age tends to rise with educational status - you know what I mean - plus there's the issue of our illnesses as you've already mentioned. We both need to get out a lot more too, as we're not goin to meet anyone while we're playing the hermit.:ugh I do think that it's very important that you join a church too, cos I think that you're most likely to find the sort of man you're after there, either directly in the church or though friends of friends. I do think that you probably need a Christian man - though I think you probably know I'm quite relaxed about that. Follow where God leads........I'm sure he has someone in mind for you as people who are called to be single are usually very :happy being single, & you patently are not!

I know how frustrating it is in the meantime though, the sense of longing, the feeling of hope fading. I've got to the stage where I won't really look at a man now & if I see one looking at me, I either feel annoyed, or I decide that he's not really looking at me, he's just thinking about something else. Cos no one will ever fall for me. Unless he's someone who I don't fancy.....Though on the other hand, maybe I did fancy the guys who were so keen on me at Cambridge (cos I must have been giving them signals) but I was too :scared of intimacy. I'm still pretty freaked out by the :idea, & it's complicated by my father issues.

Anyway, I don't know if this helps, but I enter into your feelings at any rate.

:kiss
Becky

[travellergirl]

:hugoncomet:hugoff

I can relate to you.
I feel the same way, everything you wrote applies to me.
You wont be alone for the rest of your life,no way. Sometimes I think the same , but I think that we are a lone for a reason. Maybe its because we dont love ourselves and we are not comfortable with who we are. I think ppl can tell that with only one look
Not sure though, its just how I think and what Ive been told.
Sending you much:love
You are not alone hon, not at all
take care

Amparo