View Full Version : My hubby/my past/thought it was different but.....

10-02-2001, 04:16 PM
:love :bowl:love thought Id swim over :fishjump

My relationships in the past have been bad:ughabusive:cry Well I thought I kinda got past that:ugh now I am starting to wonder:shy I mean He doesnt hit me and one of the thing when I got married was :yay he doesnt do that BUT!! there is constant mind games and he makes me feel two inches tall alot, So :ugh what am I doing??I dont know what to think:ugh I talked to My T :love But I am still confused She says Im not overreacting anyway hubbys here gotta go :ugh

10-02-2001, 07:04 PM
Hi Struggler,

Wow sounds like your husband is abusive in other ways if your T says you are not over reacting. Some times when we are in bad relationships and we get out of them and the go to another one without working on those issues of why we are attracted to people who abuse us...we fall for the same type of person but it is a different person. Please get help from your T in the area and learn what control and verbal abuse is. There is more than one way to abuse someone without physical violence. My best friend is married to a verbal abuser and she still hasn't figured out he gonna change...he admits he is! Jerk!!!


10-03-2001, 08:49 AM
Struggler -

In MY experience, long after the bruises fade from physical abuse, the words still ring deep in our hearts. The thing with physically abusive relationships is that we begin to believe we deserve the abuse, so we allow ourselves to stay. The same goes with emotional/verbal abuse - and in fact it is even more dangerous -- becuase it lays the groundwork for physical abuse.

I would urge you to think back to the relationships you have had with physically abusive people... was there also a verbal and emotional abuse going on? Did your abuser/s begin with emotional and verbal abuse and then progress to physical abuse? Take a cold hard look at the relationship you are in now and ask yourself if it is getting better or worse.

When you believe the things an emotionally verbally abusive person says to you then you are paving the way to letting them further abuse you.

I would recommend that you and your husband go to couples counseling.

And if he asks why? If he tells you it is not neccesary and that the problem is with YOU not him... then you have further proof that this person is not healthy for you.

I know this sounds harsh, but I have been there and I look back and wish that I had understood that "I" was not the "problem". It would have saved me years and years and years of feeling like a worthless piece of shit.
Long after the bruises faded I continued to beat myself up emotionally and abuse myself physically. Long after the abuser was gone I was continuing the work he started... based on the words he said and the way he treated me. Only now do I finally understand that I allowed a very sick person to pass the sentence on my life that I continued to carry out.

You have the power to change your life.


- Marsh

10-03-2001, 02:47 PM
:hugon Struggler :hugoff

Sweetheart, abuse doesn't have to be physical to be abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse are every bit as real, valid AND damaging and hurtful. And it sounds like that may be what's going on here. I would really explore this more with your T. Is there a possibility that you and your husband could do counseling together? Keep talking about this.

I've been where you are too many times. I know first hand. Don't believe what he's saying to be true. And don't believe that just because he doesn't raise his hand to you that it's not abuse. I continued to beat myself up long after they were gone. You udon't have to do that. Don't give him your power. It's yours. Please let me know if you need anything at all.

much , much love to you,

emma lucy
10-08-2001, 09:53 AM
:hugon struggler :hugoff

I'm with the other :fishys on this one. Emotional abuse is just as real and, in many times, more painful. This is because we can keep going over the words in our minds over and over again whereas the pain of a bruise fades and Mother Nature makes us forget such physical pain.
You are not over-reacting in any way. It is very serious.
Please take care of yourself :edbgone