Freezing upon being touched

[maninni]

HI,
I was at my sisters' house this morning. She has a **** year old girl, a wonderful child, joyous and affectionate... when she ran over to say hello this morning, I picked her up and cuddled her

and realized, or rather, REMEMBERED... I am terrified of being held. TOUCHED for that matter.

For my BDay my sister offered me a full day Massage-cure thing, but I keep postponing going.

I am ashamed of my body,
I am terrified of being touched and the other person recognizing this fear

"technically", I know what to do but ... that does not make me any less terrified.

and the irony of it all, is that I YEARN to be touched, to be held, to be cuddled... my body aches for it so badly these days.
I can say these things here - put words to feelings - but out in the "other" world, i just hide all the time.
I am so embarrassed, i do not know where to start or what to do

[dojanglover]

I know, you just get all "eew, not even I want to touch me" right? I am the same way. You kinda gotta learn how to hug urself. Its so hard. I think it's the whole "self respect" thang, so think of people who DO respect you. Like those ppl who love you because of your imperfections, and try to remember that. Am I getting through? Because I'm confusing myself right now.... but I hope you get the sitch of things. The best advice? Go hug a dog, they love you no matter what. And nothing is better than touching a dog!

[mytots]

*understands and relates* :gimmehug
i loved holding my babies and my dog i used to have, and of course, my husband, but i cringe inwardy when others touch me. i won't show my discomfort because of how it might make them feel, but i feel it and don't often reach out and touch people outside of the aforementioned. Like you, it is the one thing i crave more than anything from my close friends and extended family. My mom and grandmother are very touchy, the men (and my sister and I), not at all.

I don't really know how to get past it, but i do force myself to sometimes touch people in a nonchalant way , like laughing during a joke. All i can guess is that it takes practice and thinking of how others feel ?

[maninni]

Thank you both. I just moved to a meditaranean country where touching is very common, just in talking etc. I have begun to force myself to do as you suggested, reach out during a conversation or a joke, and that part is ok. It is the more personal part I have trouble with; being held, having a massage (I *hate* them and can never relax), even having a head massage.... One thing I thought of was to try and schedule regular massages with the same person... maybe over time that will help me become more comfortable, not only with the other person but even with myself. When I touch myself I cannot feel anything, and that too is a problem if not the CORE of the problem....

Dogs... I LOVE dogs, and already have three. They have been a great comfort to me in many instances and they are warm and fuzzy and always happy to be with me... but they are also a very safe ground I find I can easily HIDE in... It's time for me to come out of hiding, towards people and the relationships and intimacy I crave so much... It's soooo scary!!! :scared

well, one step at a time as they say... :gimmehug to you both

[flying_nun]

When I'm down, I try hugging a teddy-bear. They are so cuddly and they accept me how I am.. lol. Otherwise cats and guinea pigs are equally god, dogs as well but we don't have any. Hope you can get to a place where you feel okay with physical contact. You deserve to be able to enjoy that kind of thing. Good luck!
:gimmehug

[bobmac]

I too hated to be touched..

It was terrible.. I couldnt stand it..

It felt so foreign to me..

My parents never hugged me.. so I was not used to it..

Even in my marriage it was odd..

After my marriage I met a woman who was shocked when I jumped
back when she tried to touch my face..

It took some time.. but I overcame it..

Today I am ok with being touched.. my grandkids give awesome
hugs.. and I hug right back..

It was a fear of the physical touching for me as well as the feelings of
not deserving it.. and not liking myself..

Good luck.. it will come..

god bless and take care..
bob