Taoism conflicts with my damn ED

[purple_tao]

Hi all you :angel :fishy !!

I've been into Taoism for a couple years now and the more I learn about it, the more I feel farther away from the teachings and beliefs :sad. I turned to Taoism because it is so opposite from my ED and I thought I could use it as a tool in my recovery. Well, I am learning about myself!!! That's a good step :bounce

:stars Taoism teaches the harmony of opposites. Could there be anything MORE opposite than an eating disorder??? With bulimia, it's either ALL or NOTHING. I need to find the balance

:stars Taoism stresses health and vitality. Well, having an ED isn't very healthy and there are days I don't have much vitality. I need to keep working on this.

:stars Of The Three Jewels to be sought after, the one I struggle with is moderation. (The other two are humility and compassion). Again, it's that damn ED all or nothing mentality.

I've learned I can't be obsessed with perfection. Bulimia is NOT necessary. Hurting myself physically is silly. Killing myself mentally and spiritually is crippling. The opposite of perfection is persistence. It is balanced and takes the long-range view. It does not risk destruction in pushing for immediate success, nor does it allow itself to degenerate into procrastination.

We must constantly balance ourselves. To beat ED's, we must be strong and flexible, courageous and wise.

:peace to all my :fishy friends
:kiss
:love

[Starlightgirlie]

Great post, Kieran!

While I'm not that familiar with Taoism (although it sounds intriguing and I'll have to pick up a book when I'm at the library later) I think that I can understand where you're coming from. I find that my engaging in my ed greatly conflicts with my Buddhist beliefs as well. This has been a source of inner conflict for me for quite some time, so I hear you. I've found that awareness of our behaviors and contemplation (as you've done) is a great step to putting an end to the behaviors and that spirituality is a great source of coming to terms with treating ourselves better and fighting the ed.

Anyway, hang in there and keep thinking and striving for moderation. I *know* that you can and will get there.

Thanks for a thought provoking post!

:love and :sun

[Pella]

:hugonPurple:hugoff
I really respect the Zen philosophy of living. I pursued their beliefs until I discovered Christ. Like yourself and taoism I felt like it was opposite of my struggle with the ed. I felt shame and guilt for what I thought (ed) was violating my spiritual beliefs? It's like you spend years building up this conditioned view of life.....and there is this Thing out there that is hurting "me." I tend to run my life trying to avoid anything that hurts or displeases me. In my warped way of thinking I justified the ed as a "helping" coping mechanism. It was just something I used to cover up my basic existential anxiety about everything! What might not look so bad when your twenty looks awful by the time your in your forties. My viewpoint was so limited. The flexibility and joy and flow of my life was nil. Thanks be to God that I finally faced the fact that I needed to wake up and work on my life and seriously kick some ed booty. I see my practice of spirituality as a practice to "close the gap." It's like enlightenment. It's not something you achieve....it's the absence of something. And you have to practice it. It's kind of like the feeling that you've been hot after something, or pursuing something all your life......and then you release it. You get to a place where you just accept it.....the crap, the weirdness and the GOOD.
So...I don't see our practice of Zen, Taoism or Christianity or any spiritual practice as opposite....but as an aide, consubstantial mutual help/guidence in our journey to understand and conquer the ed. Faith.
Love beth :sun