Anyone been through the same?

[randomrach]

This is my first entry, i've been suffering from an ed of various names for **** years. I'm now bulimic and out of control. It has caused the breakdown of friendship with two lots of housemates because sometimes i was so out of control i ignored my friends and stole their food. I would nibble at left overs in the fridge ad in the end from the bin. I feel so guilty and really feel isolated. I now live with my boyfriend and although he knows that I am ill I'm so scared of pushing him away with my behaviour. It sounds simple, just stop! I'm telling yo I'm trying hard but moving so slowly. I feel so guilty. Any advice? Am I weird?

[Hart]

((((Randomrach))))


You are not weird. A lot of us, myself included, have eaten other people's food. And a lot of us can't just throw food away, we have to put coffee grounds or other disgusting stuff on it so we don't take it out of the trash. You won't find anything you can think of, behavior wise, action wise, that someone hasn't done, usually several of us, so don't worry about that :gimmehug

I live with my bf and I tell him I cannot have certain trigger foods in the house. It's embarassing, but it's either tell him or have him get pissed that I ate it.

I am lots better than I was, and it really helps that I can talk honestly about my ed w/my bf. When he sees me start to "graze", he'll ask if he should put something away.......that helps me realize what I am doing and either stop and put it away or let him do it.

When you live w/someone, you can't keep ED secret. You can try, but it won't work. And it's a strain to try, also.

I bet he knows already.......

[randomrach]

Thanx Laura, Its strange but its really good to know that i'm not alone in the things I have done. My boyfriend does know and he is realy supportive but sometimes I feel i can't tell him when I've been what we call "silly or naughty or bad" because I know that he cares so much and it upsets him. I also feel like i want to keep nothing from him. He works til late some nigts at a restaurant while he's s student and thats when I get the urge to binge. Do you use any other strategies apart from avoiding trigger foods?

Rach

[Hart]

(((Rach)))

I get on fishy. I get on the phone to friends, I journal, take a bath, go walk the neighbor's dog (they never do), there are a list of alternative activities to do on the front of SF too.

Sometimes just telling myself I'll wait thirty minutes and if I feel the say I will b/p, then I say another thirty minutes, etc, that can work for me too. :yay

[clloyd]

Hi there I am recovering from anorexia, not bulimia, :reallymad but i can currently relate to what you are saying about "grazing" - I too have eaten my flatmates food, even fished it out of the rubbish bin. You would be suprised at how common this is - you are not alone! I have been "in recovery" for several months and at a healthier weight than I have been at for years, but I still have pretty obsessive thoughts & behaviours around food. I tend to be in the bad habit of restricting during the day and then I get really hungry in the evenings & graze at left overs in the fridge and cant stop thinking about food and feel really guilty.

I was just wondering if you are also "restricting", either by not eating enough or by eating "diet foods" and not allowing yourself to have average amounts of foods you desire? If so this could be triggering your "binges". I dont mean to "state the obvious" but maybe it would be helpful to organise a meal plan with a dietician? I am also finding it helpful to keep a food diary - not with specifics but just whether I ate SOME, MOST or ALL of my meal plan and then what FEELINGS I had afterwards. This has helped me to recognise that restricting is not doing me any favours and when I allow myself to eat more regularly during the day I am less obsessed about food. You have probably heard this all before, but I just want you to know you are not alone. I would encourage you to talk about it with a T or N to deal with the underlying emotions. Keep talking about it at the :bowl and dont feel ashamed, we are all here to support you in your quest for wellness!

Love & hugs

[randomrach]

Cheers guys, your advice and stories really help. I think I'll use fishy more often, especially when i feel like b/p.

Rach xx

[spoonfulofsugar]

Same problem here! I've stolen my roommates' food, replaced some, and left some just like that...SHAME! Maybe because they were mature enough or simply did't have the time to care, they just let go when i laughed it off saying "i was so hungry/craving for chocolate and i 'stole' your food...i'll replace it!"

i felt horrible when i found myself stealing from my boyfriend's fridge when i was at his place. i knew he would let me eat if i asked, but i just stole. i think i ate some of his roommate's food too. although the stuff i ate were pretty old and even if i didn't eat, they'd go bad, i felt ashamed. if it was someone's money lying around there, i wouldn't touch. i just can't stand it seeing food being wasted...

i've told my bf about my ED, little by little, but not the stealing part. now he would keep an eye on me and make sure i'm not left alone with food. i'm grateful that he didn't freak out when knowing i have this problem. or maybe he thinks i've just been exaggerating...

[sutter]

wow... how amazzing to see others doing and feeling the same as me! i would never have admitted that i have eaten food out of the trash can - i mean, how embarrasing is that? but i have and i'm ashamed, but at least now i am trying to do something about it.

when i was in college i would always eat my room mate's food. i would just nibble a few bites, try to make it a 'game' to see how much i could eat without them noticing. i would often eat the food that was already past its expiration. i don't think i ever enjoyed what i ate. the secretiveness might have been a bit exciting, maybe that's why i did it.

the most horrible thing i did was to eat some of my room mate's birthday cake before she had even cut into it... that is so sad and horrible! it was years ago, but i still have so much shame when i think about it!

maybe i ate (eat) their food because it's more fun than the restrictive food that i allow for myself. who knows?

it feels good to get this out. :happy

[iwashappyonce]

I DONT WANNA BE BULIMIC ANYMORE.......i want to stop :sad ......noone knows about it and i could never ever tell my mum...... :( ive read do many of your entries and i know EXACTLY what you's are going thru cuz i am doing all that stuff too..... i threw up **** times tonight becuz i have the house to myself.....but i can only throw up in the shower, not in the toilte...it makes it much easier with the water running......agh

---bambi---

[deelea]

Oh man, does this ring a bell...when I lived in the dorms my ****st semester of college (I only made it a semester, & then moved out,) I would eat all of my roommates' food. I had almost no money, & was trying to facilitate my ED, & would steal anything...We even had to have a floor meeting about the "thief-" it terrifed me, it embarassed me, but it didn't stop me. There was no logical thing that could come between me and my ED at that point. Don't feel alone; we've all been there. And yes, I have most definitely rifled through the trash...on many occassions.

Oh, and to the person with the coffee ground tip: that is a great idea. I usually have to take my trash out to the outside bin if there is something edible in it. I never thought of doing that.

[Pianophillic]

this I think was the best thread I read yet, I had no idea other people do this..I thought I was alone and crazy... I always eat all my roomates food and do the same thing, replace it, make excuses.... I feel so gross... Ive never picked out of the trash can before but its definitly crossed my mind...

It also makes me loose some of my social life at college... I never wnt to go out becuase I have to b/p and at resturants with friends ( If i ever go) I have to be really careful about not getting caught purging.

I am seeing a T - only becuae she but me on anti depressants... my boyfriend saw them in my room and now he wants to know what is wrong... I have never told anyone about my ED ( except for my doctor who found out on his own)... .. Im so scared to tell him- since many of you seem to have told your significant other, can you offer me any advice?

[Talicca]

I just had to reply to this one!..

I never realized that stealing from house-mates and eating out of the bin was so common! I haven't really told anyone about it before because I'm so ashamed of it! (I mean, really, eating out of the bin?! Gross! But I still do it!)

Unfortunately for me, my house-mates are... *cough* Into something that means they get the "munchies" pretty often (not my thing at all, but hell, I'm not going to judge them for what they do). Even more unfortunately for me, I know where my house-mate's "munchies stash" is in her room. Even going into her room sometimes is enough to trigger me :cry I feel terrible afterwards because its so dishonest, and I'm usually such an honest person, but I still do it. "Its just a tiny bit, she won't notice"... Well, after ten "tiny bits", she's sure going to notice! Gah!

All in all, its nice to know I'm not the only one doing these stupid things! Big hugs to all you fishies! :gimmehug

~~Nikki