McHappy Time?

[the_dragonfly]

bleerrrggg
I can't do any of this right. I start with the best of intentions, to be good, and eat properly because I know I must to be healthy and blah blah blah.
somehow though, I always end up restricting, and then quasi binging at night.
I restrict, because if I didn't, I'd be into the machine at work, but when I DO, then I eat more at night.

The eating problems are just beginning to come back, after a few months or stablity. It's freaking me out, because the more I want to control, and can;t, the more I want to fight myself, and the worse the urge to SI becomes...
I don't know where this post belongs, I dont know where I belong... sometimes I wonder if I fabricate it all for me.. for the attention.. so that I can..I dunno.. have a cause?

[*star]

:hugonborderline:hugoff
i know what youre saying.. i tried to restrict and ended up eating more than if i had eaten a "normal meal" <-whatever that is. anyway, have you considered bringing healthy stuff with you to work so you dont have to eat the stuff there? it might satisfy your appetite so you dont binge at night. youll be happier if you end up not binging and that urge to si will become less (i know that one all too well.) so good luck :clover, and hope you feel better

[hmm]

hey borderline
i used to have that exact same problem, the restricting hectically all day and then binging at nite.>it is SUCH a common thing, don't feel guilty or ashamed about it. if you didn't do that there'd be an even bigger problem!
What i found the key to helping me break out of that cycle was to let someone in and tell them where I'm stuch. So I went to a dietician who gave me a meal plan that would keep my blood sugar levels constant and so id be eating enough all day to stop me from coming home at nite and feeling such relief that iv got thru the day that id just eat everything in sight. (and then feel terrible) i aslo started therapy a few months ago which has been the best thing in the world for me, even though im still stuck in that whole ' i don't deserve the attention of therapy' and 'i don't have anorexia' syndrome cos im not underweight or anything.
we all use our ED or obsessions over food as a substitute for emotions we can't deal with. To solve the ED, you have to sort out what problems/issues/emotions u arent facing. its also helping me overcome that whole having to be perfect syndrome, which is so dangerous.

i really think u should get help now, it will save you so much trouble in the long run. Just give it a shot, or think it over, seeing a dietician or therapist.
Its really scary but the best thing u could ever do for yourself.
if u ever want to e-mail me my address is alex#-********@hotmail.com

good luck take care!
hmm
X

[the_dragonfly]

I had the name of a dietician once.. back when I had a t.. but i decided i'd be okay by myself.. I'm scared it's goin to keep being.. Just a little bit more.. you know the old story

[queen bee]

:hugon :love :stars borderline :stars :love :hugoff

The restrict/binge cycle is something a lot of us got through. Whilst trying to gain some sort of control through restricting, we then lose it in binging, then try to gain it back through restricting.......etc

I want to ask you what do you want to control???? Is controlling your food the easy option???? I say easy, really meaning, automatic. It so easy to just not eat, then binge cos its so habitual. Challenge the habit. You say you want control, well at the moment, your ed seems to have most of it. How bout gaining it some of it back. Tomorrow, or whenever you read this, when you find yourself restricting, take a time-out to ask yourself why. Whats going on that im doing this???? A journal, or notebook might help to get your thoughts out. Even if you do slip, the important part is you tried to gain back control from the ed. Even if for the first few times, you do slip, keep trying. They say it takes twenty-eight days for something to become habitual. So maybe if when feeling the need to restrict/binge, you sit down and think/write bout why, whats going on in your head, around you etc, and really work at the real reasons, as opposed to the ed crap.....y'know what i mean, the old 'im fat' 'im horrible' lines that the ed spouts out to get its own way.