My new conclusion..Is there anyone else who can relate?????

[obsessed]

Since I first posted here I have really been thinking about what is going so wrong in my life that all this old obsessive behavior is surfacing with a vengence. And it finally came to me that nothing is really wrong in my life. I am happily married ( **** months yesterday), my family is well, I have a good job, a nice home, good friends, I am going back to school in the Fall for Dental Hygiene (to get me out of a fulfiling but emotionally draining job)...But I think that is the problem. Nothing is wrong in my life. Everything has been magically falling into place. I hsould be really happy, but I'm not. And now I am obsessed with the size of my body again and how much I weigh, more like how much I need to lose. If I am under stress, I'm not recognizing it.

When I was single I had to focus on making ends meet and relationship stuff. There was always some kind of chaos in my life. Usually trying to make a hopeless unhealthy relationship work. Always something making me feel inadequate or areas that I needed to improve. Don't get me wrong, I was still a stickler for exercise and eating right, but there was no binge eating and the obsession didn't feel nearly as strong. Does this sound crazy???? I feel a little crazy!!!!!

Is there anyone who has experienced this??? Any advice or suggestions???? At this point anything would be great to hear...

[miss_poss]

I can, in a way, relate.

When I look back at my life it's been very chaotic. And when it's not been chaotic, I've felt very weird about that. It's almost like I sub-conciously create chaos in my life. It seems I can't live without it.

When things are going well (which isn't that often) then it's like my brain says "Right...Can't have this happening!" And BAM, life is once again crazy and frightening. It seems I wont 'allow' myself to live without there being SOMETHING wrong.

I don't know if this is really what you mean, but if it is then I can relate!

[suni]

Hi Danean!
"I am going back to school in the Fall for Dental Hygiene (to get me out of a fulfiling but emotionally draining job)"... what was this fulfilling job? do you think your food obsession may have to do with this career change? have u let this passion go completely or have u somehow managed to keep it in your life even if it's no longer a full-time job? maybe im completely off-track but was just curious as u mentioned it without saying what it was! (u must be a good storyteller ;) As for the drama, i have created much of it to not have to think of other things like what the heck am i going to do with my life? and for fear of experiencing and trying new things and meeting new people. Stability and peace of mind in your life gives u time for other things and sometimes it's easier to fill that space with things that numb us, like b/p and f-uped relationships so we don't have to really deal with the important questions. What do u love to do? what do u enjoy and find excitement in doing? what makes u forget about time and just be in the moment?
Good luck and have fun!
Jessica

[obsessed]

Thanks for your replies. The job I have now is as an addiciton counselor. Kind of ironic isn't it??? I love helping others, but most the time this just takes too much of an emotional toll. I am thinking of having children in the future (after school of course) and I want to be emotionally available for my children instead of coming home from work and wanting to pull the covers over my head until the sun comes up again. Plus the career change will allow me to work part time and make the same amount per year which will give me more time to be a mom. Plus, I feel like it is time for a new challenge in my life. I guess maybe this is my way of adjusting to the lack of chaos in my life. But at least it seems like a healthy thing to focus on. Hopefully I won't have as much time to obsess over food. I am not comfortable being comfortable. It feels unnatural; yet it is something I have always longed for. Who knows. Anyway, it is great to know I am not the only one that does this. Working the job I do you would think that having the knowledge that I am not unique would be enough, but it isn't. It is nice to hear that others truly understand. Bless you all in your life journey. I pray that happiness is what you find!!!!