View Full Version : I dont even like him, but im yearning for him. Why!?

05-25-2005, 01:11 PM

Im so upset right now. For the past six months me and my flatmate have been hanging out all the time and having a 'relationship', (I told him I wouldnt be his gf but we were still hanging out all the time). Recently we have been arguing loads, really bad. He calls me really nasty names like a loony and a wierdo. Now we havnt spoken for days but I can still here him going in and out of his room.

I dont like him?, hes not my type of guy, im not attracted to him, hes mean to me, he treats me like a sex object, he takes advantage of me, steals other peoples food, and is always using my things (tea, coffee, sugar etc). One day he even asked me for a tenner so he could go the pub and when i kept refusing (I said no about fifty times!) he eventually kept pestering for me to go with him so I could get the drinks!

Now heres the problem...I think I miss him. What?? Why?? Hes horrible to me and talks about me behind my back. But I cant stop thinking about him. Im moving out next week and all I can do Is cry, sat in my room, listening to him going out wondering where hes going! Getting really really paranoid, anxious, irritable, and depressed. Im jealous. Of what?

Someone please help me on this one. I dont understand. How can I feel like that about someone I 'dont' like? I need to stop this because its making me feel like i want to curl up in bed all day, or run away somewhere.

05-25-2005, 02:19 PM
I can relate to what you are feeling in a way because I've had similar conflicting emotions/feelings. I don't know about your past but if it's not that, it could be that just like we do with ed, we get stuck in something and stay because we are scared to move on to something new... the unknown can be pretty scary, no? And now you are in a 'safe' place where you know the situation (even if it's not good for you). I think it's great that you're moving out and remember, you know it's bad and even though you say you miss him, deep down you know it's not right, so make sure you stick to that thought to get you through this rough patch. You've realized the way he treats you and that in itself is a big step :)
Take care of yourself :)) Jessica

05-25-2005, 07:40 PM
:challenge Do you think you deserve to be treated badly?
:challenge Do you think that you're undeserving of a nice guy and a healthy relationship?

My guess is that you don't feel deserving of nice people so you attached yourself to a not-so-nice guy becasue it's easier to feed our negative thoughts then it is to work on fixing them and feeling healthy about ourselves.
I could be way off, but I'm just guessing here?

05-26-2005, 05:02 AM
:hugon Jessica :hugoff

we get stuck in something and stay because we are scared to move on to something new... the unknown can be pretty scary, no? And now you are in a 'safe' place where you know the situation (even if it's not good for you).

I never thought of that properly hun but I think you are so right! I think i need to keep my head about this and stand up for myself more. thanks luv :love

:hugon shortstop :hugoff

I dont think I deserve to be treated badly (i dont think :confused) But he makes me feel like everythings my fault. you know? Like i have a problem being the way I am, im not allowed my own opinion or he patronises me and ways im wierd or something! Hes starting to make me question my self and i guess hes sees me weak sometimes? And thrives off it maybe?

I think you defo have a point though babe. I need to be stronger and realise that its ok to be ME and i dont have to answer to him. I can be myself with my own opinions and he can go jump if he doesnt like it!

I think i should stop yearning for him because hes bad for me, and the sooner i realise that the better.

Thanks hunny :love

05-26-2005, 01:40 PM
I know what you are going through and I had a similar experience with a guy during one of the darkest phases of my ED. He constantly would tell me how wonderful I was in front of his friends and then get me alone and told me how much I sucked and should give up the whole comedy thing. (i do standup as you all know....)
Then he would leave me these phone messages that said, "Hi this is Jake. I am your worst fucking nightmare. Call me back." He loved to terrify me and got a kick outta making me squirm. He also had two other girlfriends and would all try to pit us against each other. He would call and tell me how he abused the one. Kicker is, he was twenty years older than I was.
Point is, when I told his ass sinora because he was actually ruining my career. And I missed him....why? Because he was someone, I thought so little of myself, and I was lonely. I would have taken him back except everyone around me told me, "AB, don't call him." Thank God I didn't.
Truth be told, I know you are lonely and this ED hs made your already low self-esteem shit. Forget about his sorry ass and have no qualms about him and tell his memory, "you're no good, you're no good you're no good. Baby you're no good." (Thank you Donna Summer). And you deserve so much better.

05-26-2005, 05:13 PM
:hugon MemorableBabyDolly :hugoff

Babe, what you went through was BAD! He was a nasty piece of work. Well done you for being strong :yay :bounce

You are right, loneliness and low self esteem has a lot to do with it. Im sure he thrives off putting me down.

Anyway, I had enough of it and got my own back on him tonight big time :bounce
I switched it all back on him, used a bit of psychology, and made him feel like crap!! :muhaha

I made him feel how he makes me feel and I dont think he liked it! :muhaha

Thanks hun, stay strong :love