wish i had known what to expect!

[rosysunset]

hey there :fishy s

just wanted to vent a little bit. so i finally went to the doc to get my acid reflux checked out :yay but i left kinda dazed :ohboy. first, they weighed me which i haven't known my weight since last summer which i totally didn't expect b/c if my doc needs to do it she does a blind weight herself, but this time it was just one of the nurses. second, i was supposed to see the person i usually see, but for some reason it was someone new so i had to explain the whole bulimic thing which again i wasn't expecting. third, they made a much bigger deal of the reflux than i expected and it turns out i have to come back, see a specialist, etc. and fourth, they gave me a rectal exam because of the possibility of an ulcer :ugh which just makes me feel kinda violated b/c i TOTALLY didn't expect THAT.

anyway, i totally expected to walk in there and emerge five minutes later with a prescription for something after a friendly chat with my doc but instead my emotions are just all mixed up.

i'm not really asking for anything in this post, but just wanted a place to write things down and hopefully get some of this out of my mind so i won't dwell on it all day.

hope your days have gotten off to a better start than mine!

rosy :flower

[Kelly Jo]

I know how your feelin. I went to my doc yesterday and it sucked so bad. My friend went w/ me and she made me confess the rest of my issues like cutting. Then my doc kept asking me about suicide, which i'm not gonna do. I have thought about it, but I would never go through w/ it. I know it was very hard today, but going to the doc is a great step to recovery. I really want to get better and I hope u do to! Good Luck w/ future apps. :gimmehug :gimmehug :hugon Kelly Jo :hugoff

[oCeaNgiRL]

Im sorry that your appt. was somewhat traumatic. Damn that really sucks. Ive always been so afraid of going to the doctors, even before I had an e.d.
I do blind weights with my nutritionist, but Its really annoying when I have to go to a different doctor for something else and someone new goes to weigh me and im like, uh , can I be turned around and you not tell me how much I weigh? Usually they look at me like im crazy. But It makes me feel a lot better not to know the number, ya know

Well hey, at least its over with.... i hope the rest of your day is better!!!

[ribbon]

anyway, i totally expected to walk in there and emerge five minutes later with a prescription for something after a friendly chat with my doc but instead my emotions are just all mixed up.

The doctor wouldn't have been doing his job if he didn't take the bulimia and possible medical complications seriously. It would have been malpractice if he did what you were expecting. I think you're really lucky to have a doctor who is so vigilant.

[rosysunset]

thanks guys.

and yep, ribbon, it's a good reminder to be thankful for doctors that are vigilant... but in the moment it can also be pretty hard too. the thing that REALLY bothered me was the whole rectal exam (ugh, what an awful word). not to be gross, but probably the worst experience of my life involved a colon exam/problem in a foreign country so having something related to that kind of sprung on me at the last minute is really, really traumatic, almost paralyzingly so. i probably would feel a lot better about the situation if i had voiced my concerns, asked her to explain things more slowly, just to have been able to collect my thoughts, and avoid as much as possible having the experience bring up so many horrible memories. as it is, though, what's done is done, and i survived.

take care,

rosy :flower

[fishfishy]

wow that sounds crazy
confusing too

i wouldnt wanna be weighed at the docs
and if i was , i dont wanna know

i had to have an endoscopy done, and so many tests
cept i never told em that the reason im feelin so sick and stuff is cuz im bulimic
then i had to tell this summer but they didnt really know how to deal with it

i dunno
its crazy

[greendolphin]

Sounds like that was really tough for you. Try not to let that scare you away from doctors or anything--like the others said, sometimes being ehalthy means going through ickiness (and as one who also had a "surprise" rectal--two seconds after meeting this old male doctor for the first time, no less--I understand just how icky it is.) LIkie you said, though, what's done is done. Now it's all about what you're going to do to take care of yourself and get past this setback, and others, in a good way. I know getting weighted can be really tough--I remember the first time this year my doc told me my weight--I literally cried all the way home. But the thing is, it's so insignificant. My doctor--and probably yours too--is heavier than I am, so it's not like she was gonna look down on me. Plus, that was ONE weight, when my bladder was full and probably my stomach, and I was wearing clothes and blah blah...really, it is just a GENERAL indicator. There is NOTHING exact about weight, at all. Plus, if you're eating healthy and the only way to weigh less is to restrict, then you know that this is the lowest weight at which your body works. And, in a few decades, we're all gonna be wrinklyer and saggier and grayer and probably off the market anyway--those however-many pounds are gonna be the least of our worries :supergrin What IS gonna matter in ******** years, or ********, is our health. And again, who wants to be a stick-skinny old person with a bunch of medical probs? (Note: this is NOT meant to offend anyone of any age, as ALL of us, whether we're ******** or ********, are gonna look different in time). Beauty ideals change with age; health only gets more fragile (generally).

Sorry this is so long--it sounds like you did a great job handling it!