Coping alone

[Blondie Girlie]

Hi fishies,

I don't post often because only now have I realised that I really want to kick the ass out of my bulimia.

Anyways, r any of u trying to cope with it alone? I have to coz i can't let my parents find out as they would absolutely kill me. I just want to know if it is possible to beat bulimia on ur own without the help of others. I don't even think I could go to my doctor coz like what do I say, "hmm i think i have bulimia"? He probably wouldn't believe me anyway coz I'm not all that thin.

I really do want to recover from this rotten disease but i don't know where to start, any words of wisdom would be very much appreciated.

Bye,
:love Luv and hugs :love
:notes Blondie Girlie :notes

[purple_tao]

:hugon Blondie Girlie :hugoff

Hello and welcome to the :bowl. Well, the first WONDERFUL step you've taken to start recovery is by coming here. Really, admitting to SOMEONE you're bulimic is a HUGE step, even if it's just computer friends :yay !!

I haven't told anyone, but I do see a therapist. I haven't told my husband because frankly, I don't think he'd care. Not sure why I haven't told any of my friends or other family members. I highly doubt your parents would "KILL YOU". They'd probably be upset at first, wondering why you're doing this to yourself and why they never noticed (which should be anger directed at themselves, but quite possibly will be aimed at you). I don't think you can :kick bulimia without the help of a therapist. At least, I haven't heard of anyone doing so. But then, how long have you been struggling with an ED? For me, it's been years. Most :fishy here--it's been years.

You CANNOT tell if a person is bulimic by their body size. We come in ALL sizes!!! And bulimia is not a weight-control (or loser). I find the more I'm bulimic, the more weight I actually GAIN!! :ugh. So by you not being thin--that's no indicator of an ED. If you can't discuss this with your doctor, then definitely talk to a therapist. ED's are mental problems in the first case, anyway.

All us :fishy are here to give you encouragement in seeking all the help it's going to take to get you over this ED. You have another good thing going for you: YOU WANT TO BEAT THE HELL OUT OF THIS ED :kick!!! Good for you!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT !!!

Keep posting, BG
:peace
:love

[LolaApple]

:hugon Blondie Girlie :hugoff

I agree a lot with Kieran, in fact I firmly believe professional assistance is necessary to really and truely recover from bulimia. Initiative and desire to get better are necessary too, but professional help can provide assistance and the skills needed for recovery.

I tried for years... to beat my food issues. I thought I had won. I went to college thinking I had beaten the hell out of my ED. (it first came knocking when I was thirteen). But really, I was wrong, I'd merely shoved it aside, and covered it with a big blanket of denial. But following a string of stressors I snapped and feel deeper into the hell hole of ed's worse than before. I wish now I'd gotten treatment sooner.

So my advice to you is to seek help- as soon as possible. don't be deterred by thinking you have to look a certain to be taken seriously. Kieran is right on about eds and weight. As for telling those around you, I would suggest using a lot of discretion, at least at first. A therapist can help you figure out how you want to tell them. But I think it helps to have at least a few people who know so you can confide about your struggles and triumphs while you're recovering.

Hope this helps... keep fighting, and keep swimming!!
:love
LolaApple

[DeltaGirl]

Hey Blondie Girlie,

I am proud of you, making the decision of whether to beat bulimia and really fight for recovery is a difficult decision to make.

Welcome to the :bandwagon of recovery.

Sweetie, the one thing you will find during recovery is that weight and food are not the issues of the eating disorder these are just used as coping mechanisms to cover the feelings and situations we do not want to face. So, if you go to the doctor and say I have bulimia most likely the doctor will believe you because it is not about weight. In fact people with bulimia can be underweight, normal weight or overweight.

I thought my parents would kill me when they found out that I had an eating disorder. At first they were angry but then after the inital reaction they were supportive and helpful. Maybe in time you will be able to tell your parents. Good luck to you.

[Blondie Girlie]

:hugonKieran LolaApple Kathryn Ann:hugoff

I just want to say thanx for ur words of wisdom and ur lovey welcomes, it means a lot. I am really commited to getting better, I'm still young and have let bulimia control my life for too long and I think it is time now for me to put a stop to it as soon as I can, and I'll try to do this on my own and hopefully I'll beta it, what am I saying of course I'll beat it.

I just realised you can't write any numbers at all, well I was trying to say that I'm seventeen and suffering for three years (is that allowed? i'm sorry if it isn't, i'm not used to this yet)

Take care

Your singing fishy :singing

[cemmhs]

:hugon blondie girlie :hugoff

Just want to inform you on how fast I recovered from trying to cure myself of bulimia..... I DIDN'T!!!
I even got to the point where I hated that I had and ED, my mom knew, I did everything that I thought would kick it. I started a journal, bought a book, etc etc...
The truth is once you finally realize that you have an ed, it is probably too late to stop it on your own. It usually has a tight grip on you.
It didn't help that I never knew anyone who has gone through one before, so I had no support. The :bowl is a great place to realize that you are not alone, but it wasn't until I got into therapy that I began recovery. Trust me...the day I called was the hardest and best day of my life! JUST DO IT!!! This website has some excellent referrals! Since that phone call, my b/p episodes are much fewer, it just gave me more of a wierd confidence that I didn't have to fight it on my own anymore and someone else cared about me getting better!
Good Luck!!
:kick butt!
clair :bear

[titian]

Hi Blondie
(you know they were my fav band once)
I think the extent to which people need help to get better depends on many things - the severity of their illness, the presence of associated problems like depression, their personality and experience and so on. All the work to recover comes from the sufferer themselves but what work to do often needs guidance unless you have good knowledge and experience of self help methods. Recovery is not just a matter of will power - otherwise we wouldn't be here! Recovery is about at least
:pinkfishy finding out what purpose bulimia serves in your life, what are you using it to replace, hide, cope with etc
:greenfishy finding and using more positive and less destructive things to meet those needs
:bluefishy building your self esteem and self acceptance

and probably other things too, some of which might only apply to you.

Therapists help you identify these things and work through them.

I do think it is possible to achieve recovery without a therapist but it requires you to really work at at it. You would need a selfhelp book at the very least.

I have done it this way and it is going ok but bear in mind that I am thirty, developed an eating disorder in my twenties and I think I wouldn't be classed as severe. I am so sorry if bringing my age into it sounds patronising, it really isn't meant to, I just know for myself that I have developed a better set of life skills as I have aged, and these have really helped me.

Having said all that - not having a formal therapist and coping alone are NOT the same thing. Most ed people isolate themselves from others, their ed is a way to be independent, to cope with things that could other wise be coped with by reaching out. I would be very surprised if their were any recovered ed folk whose recovery did not involve telling someone, and in general talking about how they feel more. For myself I also think telling my boyfriend was part of the facing up to it properly - it's so easy to lie to yourself and rationalise. Telling someone makes everything so real. I really believe you need to reach out and tell someone. I don't know how you get on with your parents but I'm sure they wouldn't kill you! There's actually quite a bit of advice about how to tell someoone on this site, under the reaching out section. And lots of the other :fishy s have been in your position
Perhaps your doctor would be a good person to tell. Some doctors are excellent immediatley, others need a bit more information just because they don't know much. The fact is YOU know you have a problem with food. It really doesn't matter what you look like/weigh. Actually, the statistics say that bulimics are of healthy average or above weight. There are also anorexics whose weights are considered healthy. It's the behaviour that does you in, not what you weigh.
I do want to get a counsellor now. I have used self help methods to worrk on the ed behaviours, and do a lot of the work and what that has revealed to me is - I would like to talk some things over with some trained - I want to have my feelings validated I guess.

Blondie, you're a brave person to realise you have aproblem. And you've made the first step coming here and wanting to :kick ed ass, right out of your life.

I would really recommend you find one person to tell to start with. Perhaps a close friend. It's small steps. Cross that first bridge then think about all the other bridges (telling your parents, getting therapy etc).

We'll be here every step of the way to support you!

I'm sorry this has been such a long post - as the other :fishy s will confirm, I do go on and on sometimes (often actually)

Life without bulimia will be so much better, you will gain confidence and self esteem, your health will improve, you'll feel less alone and more in contact with other people in your life, you won'y feel that you have this dark secret anymore.

You know you deserve a better life!

sending you much :love
e

[Blondie Girlie]

Hi,

Thanx for ur reply :hugoncemmhs and titian:hugoff.

I know u stressed alot about not being able to do it alone, but the thing is I really have to do this alone, I have told my boyfriend, but I find it so hard talking to him about it. I did get a self-help book, and today for the first time in three years I did not purge once, I am so happy and proud of myself, even though I had so many triggers to coz me to binge, but I didn't let myself give into them.

I've now started to let myself think and not the bulimia. Even though ppl have told me for ages I'm not fat I wouldn't believe them but now I've realised that happiness doesn't come from being thin (though it would be nice).

Bulimia gets me down so much that I really do want to beat this and I know that I have to do it on my own and so I will, I will not put this off until another day, I will try really hard because I need to as I have no support. I am off for summer now so I can devote my whole time to beating this and I will. I am going to do this and I'm trying to not let what you both said get to me and think that I have to fail this coz most ppl have, well I am not going to be one of those ppl I am going to beat this alone. Of course there will be times when it is so hard, but I'll have to live with that, there may be times when I think I have failed but I won't think like that, it will just be a set-back and after all tomorrow is a new day.

Thanx for ur support fishies,
Your singing fishy :singing

[titian]

:hugon Blondie :hugoff,
First, really well done for not purging! And your determination is great!

Now I am going to challenge you. This is not meant to hurt you - honestly we know how you feel - believe me. I only want to help.

I was not saying you can't do it,
I was not trying to be unsupportive. Far from it!
You asked a question
You didn't like the answer
Should we have lied?

Why do you say you HAVE to do it alone?
There is a difference between having to and the alternative, facing fear.
'I can't' usually means 'I am afraid'

We are always here for you. You are not alone.

:love
e

[Blondie Girlie]

Hi,

i was doing so good today not binging at all but then my parents took me out for dinner to celebrate the distinction i got in my singing exam, grrr, now wishing I hadn't got it. Well I couldn't possibly say no coz then they'd wonder, so I had to eat the dinner and now I feel so stuffed and I have to purge, I don't want to but I also don't want to pile on the pounds. I guess my determination is really not that good, damn I am so mad, but I'll fix it tomorrow.

I think u r right about not being able to do it on ur own, I will go to my doctor, but all he can do is refer me to someone and there is no one in my area at all, believe me, I live in the back end of the middle of nowhere and it would be local gossip if anyone found out. I'm scared of telling my doctor coz I know him really well, I don't think I can do it.

All the fishies in here are really great, you are all really understanding and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for it, you are the only ppl who understand me and my ed.

:hugon FISHIES:hugoff

Your singing fishy :singing

[GIAWITCH]

Merry Meet,
All the fishies have given you wonderful advice. I dont think you can beat it alone. It's not that you're a weak person, but this monster is very sneaky and you need so much emotional support. I also said my parents would kill me. The y found out after the first few months and my dad(he's a real asshole to be honest, but he loves me and even if i dont think so, i think deep down i always know it).well anyway he was furious and was yelling and tried to ground me and i could tell he was scared to death cuz i could almost hear a little panic in his voice when he said "i dont want u dying before me, the parents are suppose to die before the children,etc.." and then they both said them words"I want you to stop this"..and a few years later here i am still...so if u do confront ur parents..they wont kill u.they might be pretty angry, but its not really anger..theyre just scared and make sure u tell them that u cant stop and ask to see a doctor and therapist if they dont suggest it. This will probably be one of the hardest things to do, but if u wanna kick some ass..thats what ya should do..and like everyone else said size doesnt matter. There are extremely heavy people, extremely thin people, and average weight people with bulimia.i hope u try to take that step.

[cleo]

Originally posted by Blondie Girlie
Hi fishies,

I don't post often because only now have I realised that I really want to kick the ass out of my bulimia.

Anyways, r any of u trying to cope with it alone? I have to coz i can't let my parents find out as they would absolutely kill me. I just want to know if it is possible to beat bulimia on ur own without the help of others. I don't even think I could go to my doctor coz like what do I say, "hmm i think i have bulimia"? He probably wouldn't believe me anyway coz I'm not all that thin.

I really do want to recover from this rotten disease but i don't know where to start, any words of wisdom would be very much appreciated.

Bye,
:love Luv and hugs :love
:notes Blondie Girlie :notes

[cleo]

i have come to the conclusion that i am stuck with this pathetic disfuntional disorder i am ********years old and i have been bulimic since i was ******** or ******** i am a fitness educator and a practicing cosmetologist i dont mean to sound negative but i have lost hope and spent lots of mioney trying to help my self i have alcoholic parents on both sides i am very athletic and personable my friends have told me i am a very beautiful women but i dont see that . can anyone tell me what i can do about this i would apreciate any help i could get thanks