Grrr...some people don't understand!

[cemmhs]

Hello :greenfishy ies!
I just wanted to get this off of my chest. I am interning all summer in NYC and I am with the same group of ten people day in and day out. The other night when we were out to dinner, somehow the conversation got turned to being really full from a meal and throwing up. They were all going around the table and saying how they couldn't understand how anyone could ever do such a thing and how they would not have the first clue in how or why anyone would ever do that. :reallymad
I just sat there silent. They don't understand everything that we have been through! I really don't know why anyone would want to do it either, but I also don't know how I got sucked into something that I once questioned why anyone would do!!!
What do you say in a situation like that?? I was mad and frustrated and upset! I know they couldn't have known that I am trying so hard at recovery right now. I just have hit the ten day mark b/p free before today.
Why can't people understand and keep their mouth shut!!!

:turtle clair

[claradancer]

:hugon Clair :hugoff
I'm sorry about what you had to go through. I know how it feels to deal with inconsiderate people. Congrats on the ten days b/p free :yay. I wish more people would understand and keep their mouths shut too. Keep :kick some ed butt! We can get this thing out of our lives forever!
:edbgone :edbgone :edbgone
:love
angela

[LolaApple]

:hugon Clair :hugoff

:trigger Talks about b/p behavior

:bluefishy First of all (and most importantly) congratulations on your ten day mark! One day, one moment at a time and you'll :kick this ED!
:greenfish About the conversation- I agree that really sucks. People should be a little more careful about how they talk about stuff like that (and any sensitive subject really) because you never really know who might be hurt by their insensitivity. I know how you felt, because a similar situation happened to me when my friends took me out to dinner and frozen yogurt on my birthday. I was nervous all day, but managed to choke down half a salad. (We went to a place that specialized in salads) Afterwards my friend got up to use the restroom, when she came back they started joking, asking if she threw up (she didn't), then went on to say, "why waste that on a salad, if you're gonna do it, do it on something that counts" (some of them had suffered from eating disorders in the past). Then they went on to scoff how maybe they did that in the past, but not anymore, they were way beyond doing something so "digusting and stupid". My cheeks were burning, because I had just been about to leave to go throw up.
:bluefishy But as hurt as I was, I still love all of them, because I know that none of them meant to hurt me on purpose, and if they had known that at the time I was struggling to make it through a day without b/p, I'm sure (well I hope) they would have shown more sensitivity.
:greenfish When I'm faced with that situation now, if I'm comfortable with the group I'm with, i sometimes try and interject the fact that people who have such problems need help and care, and that they don't do it because it's "fun" or simply as an excuse to eat something more "fattening".
:bluefishy If I don't want to get into it with people then I just try and change the subject- maybe the cheap way out, but at least I don't have to be annoyed with their mindless and insensitive chatter!

:greenfish I'll get off my soapbox now, but I understand your frustration, I've been there, felt that, and I bet a lot of other fishies here have been too. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if another person at the table who said they couldn't imagine throwing up has done it too (when my denial was full-blown- I used to say the same things!)
:bluefishy Take care Clair, and keep fighting! You CAN :kick this ED- and I hope you keep adding to your tally of days! You are awesome!
:kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick :kick
:bluefishy LolaApple

[purple_tao]

:turtle clair :turtle

Sounds like you had a pretty rotten time at that restaurant. But I wouldn't call your friends inconsiderate. I mean, if they don't know you have an ED, then how can they possibly know that what they're saying is hurting your feelings? It's kinda the same way with any one of us discussing something we know NOTHING about. I could talk with someone about gambling....... it's big out here and lots of people are addicted to it. They go out to the casinos every day and they're up to their ears in debt, trying to pay off their gambling addictions. So, here I sit, wondering how can a person do such a thing? Sorta the same thing.....okay, maybe I'm stretching here, but you get the idea. I don't think your friends meant any harm.

They don't understand bulimics......of course not!! I barely understand MYSELF :sarcasm !! Public ignorance on the subject. Education and compassion are the answers.

Lola has a couple of good ideas:

:idea explain the bulimia mentality (without putting yourself in the picture)--unless you're comfortable with that, then certainly say HEY, I'M BULIMIC----- LET ME TELL YOU A THING OR TWO :mad
or
:idea easy way out--change the subject :muhaha

:balloons :yay ten days :yay :balloons
Yes, keep on adding to that number!!
:peace
:love

[cemmhs]

:hugon purple tao :hugoff :hugon lolaApple :hugoff :hugon angela :hugoff

Thanks for your support!
I guess I am not mad at them, because they are good friends and we always have an awesome time togther. I am just :mad at myself for even having to feel uncomfortable at a situation like that.
Thanks for the wonderful support! I am starting over! I plan to have been good for eight days by my twentyfirst birthday next thursday!!
:cheesy
clair :bear

[razzledazzle]

dear cemmhs

i understand your anger. i have a close friend who knocks on eating disorders all the time. in fact she is my oldest friend from higbhs chool and i spend tons of time with her.

i know it is hard not to feel rage, but if you do not have an e/d i can see how it would be hard to understand. the only thing we can do is reach out to more people and try to explain in order to better educate the world.

i know this does not make it better for us RIGHT NOW but maybe eventually?????

and by the way YOU GO GIRL...******** DAYS....woohoo!

:love
RAZZ

[DeltaGirl]

It an be difficult when people don't understand the eating disorder and they make comments, real hard to deal with. They just don't understand that the eating disorder is a mental illness not something that we choose to develop in the first place.

I think that it can be hard to speak up in a group of people especially when you want their approval and friendship. I think I would have choose to handle the situation very much the same way that you did.

Be proud of yourself for living ten days binge and purge free. :yay That is so awesome and such an accomplishment.

[snookums]

My guess is that at least one person at that table who criticized bulimia has disordered eating, if not an eating disorder. Sometimes to compensate for uncomfortable feelings, people criticize the very behavior they themselves struggle with!