could i be relapsing?

[JennyA]

Hi, everyone :ugh

I was introduced to this site when i was just diagnosed with an eating disorder my senior yr in high school. I found it very halpful , but havent posted since, I was either to bussy, or just deinied I needed help.
After I was diagnoised I graduated, high school and moved away to college, never really followed up with care. Slowly I begain to gain weight and was ok with it.
Then the rest of that year at college year my weight fluctuated very high, was over wieght, very depressed, many things went wrong in life, my drug abusive boyfriend, doing drugs my self , failed out of school.
This last year I've made the deans list, boyfiend got help, and feel happy, but the weight is toruing me, the more I lose, I relize the happier I feel, I am now mid avg. weight, but dieting the way i dieted in High school that caused my E.D., weighing myself seriously many times a day,eating very little, but high calorie foods, I might binge out on food when I can not take the hunger any longer , then get very depressed becuase I meesed up my diet and take many laxitives to get rid of any food. the weight is coming off slowly, and I am not thin, i am normal maybe above normal, but I hate the way my mood fluncuates on what I eat. The only time I am happy is when the scale dosent go up, and my stomach is empty.
My weight is normal, and I am embarassed, ashamed, and dont want people to know or worry, but I think I need to talk to a therapist, to get my feelings out that I have bottled up, but I can't tell my father he will get angry.
I don't know if i am making a deal about nothing, it is not like my bones are popping out like the last time. I feel if I went for help, they would think i'm foolish. What should I do, this has ben eating me up inside?
thanks :fishy

[emma lucy]

:hugon Jenny :hugoff

I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time right now.
I think you know the answer to whether you should go see a therapist.
I'm sure your father wouldn't be as :mad as you think. It is because he :love and cares that he may feel frustrated.
Talking to a T is a good :idea as it will help organise those thoughts and project them onto someone who can truly help sort things out with you.
Good :clover and :edbgone

[hmm]

hi jenny
it is ok to see a therapist if you are not underweight or anything like that. In fact, it sounds like you've got a few recurring issues which you need to deal with otherwise they'll keep on popping up..
I have had an ED for a good few years now, and i know what you mean by the more you lose, the happier you get. Only thing is, that works to an extent, and then you start looking in other places for that happiness. It sounds corny, but its got to come from you. And that's why you must start therapy, and i also recommend you see a dietician to get a proper diet.
I started therapy about two months ago and already i can't believe the difference it has made to me, I really wish i had gone before, and not waited.
It is worth your father's anger, you need to look after YOU, because at the end of the day you're the only one who can.
And an eating disorder is not just someone who's really skinny!
good luck and e-mail me if you want,
alex****_********@hotmail.com
love hmm