passivity?

[megster]

hey there fishies!

i was just wondering if any of you can relate to me.

i recently finished my group therapy for my bulimia and i'm presently not in treatment at all. (i'll most likely be heading back though)

but anyway, i consider myself someone on the path to recovery. hopefully i'll beat this thing sooner rather than later.

but this evening it hit me that i'm still actively bulimic.

i go about my daily routines, such as school, work, homework, piano and do this stuff and i don't even realize that i am doing it!

it's an automatic thing to me now!

i'm very upset about this, i really didn't hit me until tonight.

have any of you experienced this? your input would be appreciated!

thank you

megster

[cemmhs]

:hugon megster :hugoff

I totally understand your pain!
I lead an amazingly busy life and am always running from class to one meeting or another, yet I always seemed to have time to b/p nearly everyday!!
I don't even remember when I finally snapped out of my dreamworld and was like..."what am I doing???" How am I making time for this? What am I missing out on because I am doing this to myself? That is when I started to commit myself to recovery, but I thought I could do it on my own and surprise...once you get into the spiral of b/p everyday, it probably means that you cannot cure yourself by snapping your fingers!
Stay in therapy if you are still doing this...or else find support in friends or family, or both!
Most of all...do this for you...you have so much going for you...you don't need to bother having an ed
:kick it!!

:turtle clair

[Pella]

:hugonMegster:hugoff
It's almost sinister how b/p sneaks in and can take over your life without consciously giving it a thought! :scared I lived that way for twenty years. I'm surprised that I was able to accomplish all that I have considering......but now....three months into serious recovery I'm amazed at the time that was devoted to binging and purging. You can slide so easily into denial. The physical consequences were what really woke me up to this disease. I knew for a fact...that if I continued this destructive cycle, I would end up dead. Being able to admit to someone else I had a problem was terrifying and yet once done completely "freeing." Once I did that I was able to start healing. I finally WANTED to get over this. Some of the hardest work of my life....but I never want to go back to the way of life I knew before. You can do it. There is hope. It's starts with reaching out for outside help and devotion to recovery.
Love beth :sun

[LolaApple]

:hugon Megster :hugoff

:bluefishy I totally understand, after six years of anorexia, then cyclical b/p (p and non-p) I finally admitted I might just have a problem. That is, to everyone but myself! I went to therapy, a nutritionist, doctors, etc... for months. It wasn't until about six months after my confession when i was laying in bed after a particularly bad day of b/p that the truth hit me like a sack of bricks- oh my goodness- I AM bulimic. I was shocked. I cried. I hit the wall with my hand. I didn't want to believe it, even then, but I knew, finally, it was true. To actually hear those words in my heart, not just in my head!

:bluefishy People told me to just stop...but even with a lot of work, reducing the number of b/p has been like re-training my body and head. Because it can become an automatic act of self-destruction. The urge to purge can turn into an act as automatic as brushing your teeth every morning. Resisting is hard- but it can be done! :stars

:bluefishy Keep fighting, and reaching within yourself to gain more self-awareness. It may be painful sometimes- but trust me, the dividends it pays are more than worth it!! Keep fighting, and kicking butt- you CAN do it! :kick :kick :kick
:love
:bluefishy LolaApple

[*star]

:hugonmegster:hugoff
i understand your feelings! like the other :fishys said, we can be soo busy and still we cater to our ed's unconsiously. today for example, i woke up at ****am went to the beach, did all sorts of stuff, just got home now at ****am. somehow in my tiny breaks in between, ive catered to my ed (c/s) and just gone on with living my "normal" life. sometimes it feels like it hasnt taken over my life, but that its just a regular part of it (i know it isnt nor should it be..) and its just horrible to realize you have an ED, like a negative enlightenment or something, that is rapidly taking over your daily life. too busy to notice maybe?

[titian]

I just wanted to say welcome Megster!

Good for you for realising you are still bulimic - it doesn't mean you aren't recovering as well. Recovery is a long, winding journey.

Don't worry, we all engage in ed behaviours unconciously - b/p is just part of it really, and at least you know you're doing it! Often it's the little things we can't see.

Best of luck, and speak soon
Love
e