SandyClaws
06-18-2001, 10:57 PM
I'd like to thank the fishbowl and especially
RMR for your story and advice.
I needed some support and you supplied me with it, and I'm so ever gratful to the fishbowl. I know I need to control myself. Sometimes it feels like I am controlling myself with all my restrictions, but I've learned too much control leads to chaos. I get so full a lot of the time though, and I just want to go and purge untill I dry heave. It sounds horrid and the experience is, but I can't help it sometimes. I sit there and have wars inside of me too, what am I going to eat--when--how much--all of those and I drive myself insane. I think of a lot of those before going to sleep--one of the reasons I have trouble with that. My thoughts just dance around. I wish I never started this ed. I remember the first time I made myself do it, and I wish I could take it back. Ever since then it's been worse and worse. My purging, though, has gotten a lot better recentley and I'm thankful for that. But the only reason it's gotten better is because I'm eating a lot less and not having that "full" feeling. (it comes sooner now when I eat complete meals and everything) I'm thankful for my life, but sometimes I feel as though I'm throwing it down the drain. I feel selfish quite often and my mother throws that in my face. I don't blame her but sometimes I wish she could lay off me for awhile. Thanks to all you :fishy ies out there and may we all fight these horrible eds together!! HORRAH!!
Sandy Claws
RMR for your story and advice.
I needed some support and you supplied me with it, and I'm so ever gratful to the fishbowl. I know I need to control myself. Sometimes it feels like I am controlling myself with all my restrictions, but I've learned too much control leads to chaos. I get so full a lot of the time though, and I just want to go and purge untill I dry heave. It sounds horrid and the experience is, but I can't help it sometimes. I sit there and have wars inside of me too, what am I going to eat--when--how much--all of those and I drive myself insane. I think of a lot of those before going to sleep--one of the reasons I have trouble with that. My thoughts just dance around. I wish I never started this ed. I remember the first time I made myself do it, and I wish I could take it back. Ever since then it's been worse and worse. My purging, though, has gotten a lot better recentley and I'm thankful for that. But the only reason it's gotten better is because I'm eating a lot less and not having that "full" feeling. (it comes sooner now when I eat complete meals and everything) I'm thankful for my life, but sometimes I feel as though I'm throwing it down the drain. I feel selfish quite often and my mother throws that in my face. I don't blame her but sometimes I wish she could lay off me for awhile. Thanks to all you :fishy ies out there and may we all fight these horrible eds together!! HORRAH!!
Sandy Claws