Please don't....a guide for people who want to hel

[Didi]

:sly Please don't treat me like a piece of glass
:peep please don't ask me my weight,or what my lowest one was..
:muhaha please don't be afraid to ask questions :star Please don't tell me to pray for my sins
:sly Please don't say "I am here" and then leave
:rainbow Please don't tell me you understand,unless you've been where I am ----any other :fishys have any more to add?

[nla-one]

:bowl Please don't think that I am my eating disorder, or that I will always be this way. There is a real me inside and I will find her. :happy

How was that?

[Genie]

PLEASE DONT TELL ME:

That Im getting plump now (A guy t my gym said this )

That I should just eat and get over it!

Ask mw what I weigh!

Ask me what I ate today!

about your body issues- I have enough of my own!!

That you know how I feel (cause if you never had this sickness you have no idea)

That you wish you could be anorexic!

Just a few I could think of!

[starbrightstarlight]

:hugon Diana :hugoff

People should not say " just eat, ur only doing this for attention anyway" One of my ex friends said this to me, needless to say our friendship expired rather quickly :sarcasm :hugon Diana :hugoff thanx for a wonderful post :touched

[faithfish]

:wand please don't say 'snap out of it'

:wand calling me selfish and childish hurts

:wand i am a girl not an illness

:wand don't look at me like i am dirt

Love You All :hugon :bowl :hugoff

[jennys]

:bullet Tell me how much "healthier" I look now

:bullet tell me that I don't look prettier thin- it doesn't make me want to gain weight

:bullet think that eating disorders are all about weight

:bullet think just because i'm eating and gaining weight that I need any less support, in fact, I may need more

:bullet ever forget that I need you to be my friend through it all because I'm scared and losing the ed is like losing my best friend and myself at the same time

:bullet stuff food in my face, provide my formerly favorite foods, or in any way try to convince me to just eat, it's not about the food!!

[JennaJen]

:reallymad don't tell me that i don't "look anorexic"

(yeah, my therapist - old one - said that)

:sad


that' didn't help!!!!!!!!!!

[LoveDanceBallet]

PLZ dont tell me u r going to force feed me b/c having an ED is not a happy thing. PLZ dont make me regret every breath I take by telling me that so many ppl r happy about living and that I screw everything up for every**** when really it is my ED and I am just trying to take care of myself!

[alacer]

Please don't tell me that now that I am at my target weight, everything is all better. There is a lot more to take care of than just my weight.

Don't tell me to "Just eat already"

Don't tell me that you wish you could be anorexic just for a week. No, you don't.

Lexie:)<><

[Happyglow]

I don't post on this forum often, but I thought this thread looked kewl. Here's what helped me the most in recovery the last year.

Please...

:angel Pray for me.
:ican Realize that I am the only one who can make me recover. Forcing me to eat, constant nagging, will only make it worse.
:mad Allow me to get angry. If I'm not a person who normally expresses anger, then it's time I learned. Be patient.
:ugh Allow me to make mistakes and learn from them. Avoid sheltering me.
:cry Take care of yourself. You have feelings, too. While it is very difficult for me to see you hurting, I need to understand. But remember that I am hurting, too.

But...
:bullet Do not accuse me of "ruining everything". While it is ok to get angry, please do not say things to me which are not true or you will regret saying.
:bullet Do not blame yourself. This only makes me feel guilty for making you feel guilty. I need to be responsible for myself and only myself.
:bullet Do not say that I am, or expect me to be, perfect.
:bullet While I make mistakes, do NOT allow me to call myself a "loser, screw-up, failure, fucked-up," etc. Tell me that I am a good person- not perfect, but that you love me anyway.

[buttercup_fairie]

:hugon twinnie :hugoffthat was so well said, thanks for posting it! :love

[LoveDanceBallet]

plz dont tell me im a statistic

[kailyn]

Please dont patronise me! I am not thick for doing this, its an illness!
Dont act as if because i am a normal weigt i do not have a problem
Dont tell me tat if i dont eat ten you wont either, it will make me feel worse
Dont believe that aving an ed is glamourous-it is one of the most undignifying things you can experience

Those are the four things that i get most upset about, i think they are quite common things too...one day i will help people understand what this is like

[FlyAway]

Gosh...if only our non-ed counterparts could read this!!!

Please DoN't:
:bluefishyTell me I look "healthier"
:bluefishyAsking me if I've been eating better
:bluefishyAsk me to eat something today-like my dad does every day!!!
:bluefishyTell me that I'm not openminded about recovery, so that's why I'm not "better"-like my mom does
:bluefishyTry to force me to eat
:bluefishyTrivialize my illness
:bluefishyTell me I'm getting "small-again" it only makes me want to get "smaller"
:bluefishyTell me how sick I look

:love and :sun,
Amber

[jennys]

don't...

:bullet tell me that prozac will help me lose weight to try to convince me to take it when i already feel enormous (My freaking therapist told me this- i was really underweight then) it just makes me want to lose more weight

:bullet don't tell me you constantly worry about me, i don't need anymore guilt

[Genie]

DONT TELL ME:

Not to do this to you.....hey what about me?
Tell me Im a spoiled brat-and cant cope with things
Tell me if I eat ILL be okay
Make me eat with others-cause after all I know them ao whats the problem?
Question me on every meal I have
Dont ask me if I forgot to take my meds just cause im having a bad day!!

[majorettechica]

dont stick around if i tell you to leave *cough* lora and anthony *cough* lol "Just go away" lora lol

[LoveDanceBallet]

Emmie did I leave???? GOSH ANTHONY MAKES ME SO MAD!!!! :reallymad

[majorettechica]

no lora i dont want you to leave me!!!! i meant anthony wont leave us alone. "Just Go Away" iz the song you dedicated to him, rmeember?? lol

[SNL]

Please don't:

:bullet Tell me you are glad to see me eat something or get all excited when I eat

:bullet Treat me like I am going to break

:bullet Say, "You'd be so pretty if you gained some weight."

but DO:

TREAT ME LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

[DeltaGirl]

Hey Didi,

Great work on this post. I :love it. Thanks for reminding me and the other :fishy what healing is about.

[nocoins]

Please dont assume that I dont have an ED because I am a guy.

please dont say that I "look healthier"

Please dont also say that "you look like shit today"

Please dont say anything about what I am or am not eating

Please dont look in my refrigerator

Please dont make me go out to eat with you thinking that will make me "better"

Please dont think any less of me because of my disorder

Please dont think any less of me because of all these "demands" ....its only what I think in my head, not what I would ever say to anyone.

Kevin

shaunkevin@aol.com

[CatsMeow]

Please don't:

*Tell me that by doing this, I am hurting everyone around me (my T)

*Tell me that my friends shouldn't have to deal with this and that I should leave them alone and quit bugging them (also my T)

[Sweet_Pea]

Great post! :shy


:wand tell me that I AM skinny when I don't see it. --It just makes me all the more frustrated that I don't see what you see.

:wand Tell me to "just eat"...It's not about the food...and no, I can't tell you want it is about...because most of the time, I don't even know myself.

:wand Try to force-feed me...It doesn't work.

:wand Make me feel guilty--I have enough guilt in my life and enough bad feelings in my head without adding any more.

:wand And above all...Don't ignore me! I need your love!! :love

[georgie girl]

:hugon :fishy ies :hugoff

please don't...

:stars tell me how "healthy" I am looking
:stars tell me how you wish you were me for a week (anorexic) you so don't!!!
:stars watch every mouthful of food I have
:stars see me as "different" I'm not
:stars see me as "anorexia" I'm gina
:stars stop supporting me I need you now more than ever
:stars ask me why I don't eat. my best freind doesn't understand
I'm sure theres more but I am too tired and my brain is no longer working :sleepy
:love to all you :fishy ies
stay strong and keep fighting

[pippen]

:peep compare me to somebody else who has an ed

[Star_Child]

Please don't.....

Get all mad at me just for having an episode and getting upset over something that frightens me instead of trying to understand me (my sister does this!).

Read out my food diary to me and tell me what I have eaten this week like I don't already know and I don't want to be reminded!!!! (my psychologist does this....when she's not happy with my food intake)

[Duckling]

Please dont ~

:drawpink tell me this is your fault or I'm doing this to hurt you

:drawpink ask me what i've eaten

:drawpink put me on the spot at big functions by making a big deal about what i am or am not eating

:drawpink treat me like i'll break

:drawpink Give up on ME!

Duckling

[espri-t]

Don't

:bullet tell me I look 'too thin'
:bullet finish those sentences that begin with, 'I didn't want to say anything, but...'
:bullet walk on eggshells around me
(difficult, I know, considering all of the things I'm asking you not to do!) :sarcasm
:bullet be afraid to ask questions
:bullet stop inviting me because you assume I wouldn't want to come, or that I will cancel again
:bullet imply that I am not recovering as quickly as you had hoped/expected
(I know you just want to see me well, but it makes me feel like a failure)
:bullet tell me I look 'healthier'
:bullet feel that you can't help me unless you 'understand'
(you may never fully understand, and you don't need to)
:bullet say you will be there, and then disappear
:bullet think that you always need to offer advice - sometimes I just need for you to listen
:bullet give up on me

[sparklez]

PLEASE DON'T.....

:bug think i am doing this for attention
:bug be jealous of me - it's not pleasant
:bug avoid the word "anorexia" like the plague
:bug say i am looking "healthier"
:bug say i could never be fat so why am i doing this
:bug think this is only about food
:bug be afraid to talk about it
:bug look at me weird when i get nervous to eat in front of you
:bug get mad
:bug tell me all the bad things that can happen
:bug walk on eggshells to avoid the issue
:bug ask me what i have eaten
:bug ask me what was the lowest i have been
:bug glorify eds
:bug tell me that i am too thin
:bug that i should not let "the media" affect me so much
:bug offer me a plate of nachos and laugh

PLEASE JUST LISTEN

[Mintaragewaif]

...Please don't:

Ask me to think what this is doing to my family: what about me?

Tell me how pretty I was before I lost weight- that I had the perfect hourglass curves...

Go shopping with me and tell me that I can wear any of those dresses because I am so skinny.

Tell me, you better be eating, girl- like my dad does.

Tell me to eat because I'm not going to get fat.

Ask me how I got so thin (as if it's that hard to tell)

Say you feel so sorry for me.

Tell me boys would find me so much more attractive if I didn't have anorexia.

Harrass me so much about my size that I'm afraid to wear shorts in public...

Well, I guess that enough for now, :pinkfishy...

Lots of love to all of you,

[Mintaragewaif]

...Please don't:

Ask me to think what this is doing to my family: what about me?

Tell me how pretty I was before I lost weight- that I had the perfect hourglass curves...

Go shopping with me and tell me that I can wear any of those dresses because I am so skinny.

Tell me, you better be eating, girl- like my dad does.

Tell me to eat because I'm not going to get fat.

Ask me how I got so thin (as if it's that hard to tell)

Say you feel so sorry for me.

Tell me boys would find me so much more attractive if I didn't have anorexia.

Harrass me so much about my size that I'm afraid to wear shorts in public...

Well, I guess that enough for now, :pinkfishy...

Lots of love to all of you,

Minta J.

[brwnEMT]

I remember this post from a while ago, and thought I would :bounce it up to see what :fishys had to say....

Please Don't:
:flower Tell me I look "so much better"
:flower Assume that if my treatment is going well, that I don't need support
:flower Tell me you will be there for me....and then leave
:flower Tell me to just "get up and do something" or "learn to appreciate things more"...because that will make 'everything okay'
it won't!
:flower Ask me what I've eaten today (like my dad does every day) and then provide "helpful" responses as to what else I could eat.

Any other :fishys?


:love:flower:sun
Nikki

[Anonymous_Member004]

doctors: don't dismiss me because i "look fine to you". don't accuse me of attention seeking when i come to you for help. try listening to me for once,,,
please don't tell me i am a sinner because of my ed and need god,,,

[ediblewoman]

Tell me I "really could have been something." My life isn't over yet! (everyone who knew me when...)

Think that coming out solved all my problems (mom).

Take over things I can't handle (food, bills, etc). I have to learn to deal with life! (Sweet P)

Ask me to cook for you when I'm having a tough time with food. (Sweet P)

Expect constant assurance that I love you. I just do, and that will have to be enough for you. (mom and Sweet P)

Thanks,

ediblewoman

[Anonymous_Member005]

you look so great now....
i'm so happy that u ate
ur doing this for attention my old t
why cant u just get over it
ur to sensitive
ur hurting him (ur fiancee) do u want him to see you like this..do u want him to find u dead.
dont threaten me with commiting...threats dont work...
ill leave u if u dont get better

[RainbowGirl]

Please don't:

:stars "subtly" scope out my wrist to see if i've been burning. i see you looking--if i wanted to you know, would i be wearing short sleeves in july??

:stars ask me "are you still going to therapy once a week? do you need to go that much?" please don't imply that i don't need to be going--leave that up to me and my T, since i'm over age eighteen and am paying for therapy myself.

:stars think that just because my behaviors are better, i'm feeling better. having given up the ed and the SI leave me with more time on my hands and more mental energy to devote to the things that really freak me out--and now i'm more scared than i was when i was having the ed.

:stars Say, at mealtime as i start to take some food, "Let's fatten that girl up!!"

[KAUSAL]

Please don't ...

:flower tell me you have given up
:flower tell me I am a lost cause
:flower cry when you see me - it only makes me feel guiltier
:flower patronise me
:flower talk to me as though I am three instead of twenty-three
:flower say anorexia is all I am - I am ME
:flower compare me to anorexics who have recovered - it makes me feel inadequate
:flower yell at me and punish me when I struggle to comply with the rules here in hosp

Please ...

:sun keep faith in me
:sun listen to me when I try to explain my behaviours
:sun be there for me unconditionally
:sun know I :love you
:sun believe me when I say I am going to come out the other side of this one day

[opheliasca]

Please don't:

Ask me if I have eaten anything and when I say yes give me a look that says: "I know you haven't! Just don't lie! :reallymad Then make me recount what I ate and how much! :reallymad :sad

opheliasca

[jenya]

:bullet tell me I must be fine since my bloodwork is normal.

:bullet Tell me it is too late to fully recover

:bullet Yell at me when you are scared... tell me you are scared.

:bullet Don't compliment me on my will power.

:bullet Don't treat me like I am stupid.

[Taryn]

PLEASE DON'T:

:stars Tell me if I go home and eat a chocolate bar I'll be fine

:stars Tell me that I make you feel bad

:stars Tell me that I'm fine just b/c I ate something

:stars Tell me that I've been sick too long and I should just snap out of it - I would if I could

:stars Tell me that I have a lovely "slim" figure - you obviously have no idea what anorexia is or does!

:stars Tell me that I could do with fattening up

:stars Make thoughtless hurtful comments about my weight - I know I look ill I don't need you to remind me

:stars Ask me if I'm anorexic.

:stars Make comments about me as if I can't hear you, it hurts to be spoken about in that way.

:stars Tell me just to grow up - anorexia is not just a teenage disease

:stars Tell that I'm only looking for attention - most days I just want to disappear.

:stars

[CocoBean]

Please don't

:stars try to guess my weight, if you're high i feel fat and if you're low i feel like i need to get lower than that
:stars make food for me when you know i won't eat it cause it's not "safe" for me
:stars tell me to eat and ask what i've eaten and how long i've worked out for
:stars stop asking me to go out and do things because sometimes i really will go if you ask
:stars watch me as i eat, it makes it so much harder
:stars threaten to tell other people to get me to eat because that's not helping me deal with the real issues

CocoBean :stars

[curlyQtiffy]

I wish all my friends and family could read this!

Don't tell me my anorexia is the reason we can't have a relationship....not everything is my fault.

Don't say "you are disgusting looking"

Don't say "you looked so much better when you had squish"

Don't tell me I'm worthless...I know better than that.

:love Tiffiney

[caringbear]

PLEASE DON'T:

Tell me that I am looking better/healthy/more my age.
Tell me that you are there for me and then turn your back on me.
Tell me that you love me when you don't.
Tell me that you will call and then you don't.
Tell me that you are looking at what I was then and not how I am now.
Tell me you understand when you don't.
Tell me that I am looking sick again, it makes me want to become "sicker"
Tell me that you care about me, but you don't 'cause you don't show it.
Tell me that I am a pig.
Tell me that I have to walk the dog when I am knocking on deaths door.
Look at me like I am a idiot.
Don't underestimate my achievements.
ummm....all for now, great post!!

[Feathers]

Please don't lay in wait to see when I eat something so you can joke "You'll be the fattest girl in [town where I live]!" -I'm the first to appreciate a good joke. This is not a good joke. (dad) :cry (I take it literally, and belive it.)

Please don't tell me I look like a Belsen victim. -I am Jewish. :lights (strangers in street)

Please don't tell me I am making a mockery of my family that died in the Shoah (by having an ED), or that I am furthering Hitler's cause. - I have an illness, I'm in recovery, I'm doing my best. Even at my worst I do nothing for Hitler. Please don't say this when you know it harms me. (non-Jewish aquaintance)

Please don't tell me to just stop reading cosmo - I haven't for years. This is not about image. Please don't trivialise this, or assume I am shallow.

Please don't tell me I don't need to remember how sick I was - it helps me stay in recovery, and to know that I am making progress. Forgetting would rob me of that oportunity.

Please don't tell me I'm not a real anorexic because I was never quite as sick as [anorexic relative] she died from it. - What is it you're asking of me? :scared

Please tell me what you are feeling - it helps me to think outside of my own fears and gives me perspective. (please don't try to make me feel guilty about your feelings though... they are as much your responsability as mine are my own.)

Please tell me about what else is up with you. I do care about your life, not just the part of your life that is also mine.

Please understand that each day is different, some days I need you, some days I need you to need me, some days I need to just try to meet my own needs and own them.

Please know that I'm doing my best.

Please know that I haven't forgotten you.

Please know that I can still love you even when I'm struggling most.

Please know that it's ok to feel hurt/angry/confused/scared/interested/tired etc... Please know that it's ok for me to have feelings too. (and I do.)

Please look after yourself too. I appreciate all you do for me, I'd appreciate it more if I didn't feel like it was at your own expense. There's no use both of us getting/being sick.

Please know that it's ok to set boundaries, I'm trying to too.

Please know that I love you, and will always give you the benefit of the doubt when you break one of these!

Feathers :parrot :lights

[Didi]

Wow,I forgot all about this post!:surprise:scared Everyone has come up with fabulous "please don't"!!:yay:yay Now...who wants to print it out to show to family and friends?:challenge:yay:yay

[Feathers]

Hey Didi...

My mum (also in recovery from Anorexia) read this (she doesn't post, but occationally has a lurk) and cried... she & I work in a hospital and she suggested that one of the women in psych who works with us ED folk & THEIR FAMILIES take a look at this thread... appearently she often recomends this site to folk with ED's as a healthy alternative to some 'other' sites o/l (grrrr pro A. :mad ). She looked and has included some of it in her 'sugestions' sheet for friends/family!!!

Yay :yay you for starting this thread... it HAS done some real good. Maybe if more ppl listened... and more of us talked when they can hear! :winky

:love
Feathers :parrot :lights

[SFishy]

:challenge :challenge :challenge :challenge :challenge

DON'T hit reply.

I'm presenting a challenge to you all in another thread (http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=********************)!

GO THERE NOW (http://fishyvb.something-fishy.org/showthread.php?s=&threadid=********************)

Take care of YOU